I'm visiting a guy in December in Ireland . After 3 months of chatting because there is a low demand for my profession and because of the world-wide recession, I asked if he'd be willing to support me till I find a job in Dublin. He said he can't afford to but still wants to give things a shot. I can't afford to support myself in fact I'm unemployed having returned home after being made redundant in the recession in the UK. I think if I'm unemployed and scraping the money to pay a visit which will dent my savings it's just holidaying with a friend if he can't offer support till I would land on my feet in his country. I've always contributed equally in relationships. However at this point in time I'm not in a position to. To my mind it's a dead end.
If you're looking for a long distance relationship witha view to the person eventually moving to be with you in your country, shouldn't you be ready to financially support them until they get a job?
I've found that when I first split from my LTR I dated extensively and wasn't ready to face life on my own wanting a man's company at all costs. With time I seem to have lost interest in pointless dating and am taking my time to get to know men gradually. My ex jumped into another relationship two months after our split. A relative who has recently divorced jumped into another relationship claiming she's not being choosy. Looking back I'm glad none of my dates developed into a relationship as they were all wrong for me. Whereas before I'd accept dates just to get out of the house I now enjoy staying in and unless I get to know a person on the phone or on chat would not jump into dating again. Have you experienced the panic that comes with the rebound? Are relationships on the rebound based on a solid foundation? Do we choose well when on the rebound? What are your thoughts?
Because I don't know if he really meant that we should go for a coffee or it was a casual remark. I really don't want to make a fool of myself. I mean it's bad enough I spoke about my private life with my dentist!
I've just been to the dentist's, the one I've been going to for years. As we were chatting, we ended up chatting for a good 25 mins. about my recent break up and although the guy did not spell it out it seems he's divorced as he said he got over his experience by reading books and not going to therapy and suggested where I should start hanging out to meet divorced men. At one point he had to stop the chat as he had other clients and told me we could chat over a coffee. All I could say was good idea!
The man is attractive and intelligent and I certainly wouldn't mind having a coffee with him. I have his mobile number. Should I just forget his coffee invite as a casual remark or send a text and act upon it.
Would I basically be making a fool of myself if I did? Any advice welcome as I'm really hopeless at this sort of stuff. Please help.
A year after a break up of a 12 year relationship, I have found so much freedom from housework, doing the double shift and living up to the expectations of my then partner, that I seem to have gone completely off men, equating relationships with a raw deal of housework, work and endless dieting. I miss companionship but am otherwise quite relaxed in my new found lifestyle. I have come to believe love does not exist and am happy to face life as a single making this a permanent condition. Is this just a phase? Some form of backlash to having had a very demanding relationsip or a new conviction that men are just not worth the trouble?
Re living with their mothers - I can only answer for myself. I was made redundant in London, my ex of 12 years dumped me and I can't even afford groceries cause I'm overqualified for jobs here, so I had no choice but to move back with parents and rent my place.
A more pertinent question would be how many people after a divorce or live in arrangement end up flat broke living at atheir parents until they rebuild their lives.
For the record I cohabited so I'm not entitled to any maintenance money. So IMHO all men are selfish and probably women too and one should never sacrifice anything for the common good because it comes back to bite you.
I agree when your attention is focussed on another relationship you let go of the fear of being alone forever and never loving the same way. The problem is when you remain single and fearing you will never feel that way about anybody else and will always love that person in a special way. Perhaps you never stop loving from a distance somebody you spent years with talking 12 years here even though rationally you know it cannot work and you can't make each other happy.
Why is it such a struggle to break the emotional bond with an ex with whom you were together for a long time? When does the battle between mind telling you they're not worth it and heart wanting the bond back stop?
been back almost a year after 5 years in London and if it weren't for the economic situation in the UK, I'd be on the first plane back. I don't fit in my home country.
i've thought about meeting him and going together for advice but i'm scared of him visiting in case I get even more attached to him. I've asked him not to visit and will go and seek adviceon my own
You have to understand that these are difficult things to reveal as you face rejection. Maybe he waited to feel comfortable enough to tell. He was going to visit. I've asked him not to so we don't get closer for nothing.
I've met a man online and after two months of chatting got to know he's got two STDs which prevent there ever being a relationship between us. We've both fallen in love with each other and have no choice but to keep things as a virtual friendship. My problem is that it hurts to keep getting emotionally close to a person who is otherwise so right for me. Should I let the friendship die away to spare myself suffering?
No that guy came to see me and it turned out it was an alcoholic. No relationship prospects there. This is a guy I've been talking to for over a month. Gosh makes me sound like I'm very actively looking which is probably the truth though this guy got in touch with me as after the alcoholic I had almost given up on meeting anyone normal. Crikey I'm flying in my dates from overseas.
No confusion there. Until I meet the guy I can't take things too seriously. For now, it's two people getting to know one another over Skype. It cannot be more than friendship for now. In 20 days time I'll get to know the real person, spend time with him and we can then decide if we're compatible enough to pursue this. Until then, a little flirting when two people are attracted to one another's images on a webcam has never hurt anyone.
thank you for your judgemental post MJames. Yes of course I like the attention and having someone to talk to in an otherwise lonely existence and of course it takes my mind off the bigger issues I'm dealing with in my life right now.
Have you ever heard of the expression having some fun in life? That's what I'm having, fun with an internet friend. If anything worthwhile evolves it's a plus if it doesn't life goes on with a smile because after an ltr filled with neglect I'm getting to experience the lighter side of life. You should try it you might enjoy it!
I don't mind him seeing this post. it's a legitmate question I have. to previous poster what we have for now is an internet friendship I'm aware of that.
He still plans to meet. It's just that it feels surreal for him and as much as I understand that it's only real when you meet in real life, I know that it takes a lot of commitment to make an LDR work and once he comes here and goes back he's going to have the same frustrations that it's surreal. Bascially I doubt the guy's maturity because he came on too soon with the I love yous.
I've met someone on this site. We talk everyday on Skype and call. he started off with I love yous and soulmate straightaway which I thought was pretty immature but I went along for the cuteness factor. We're 20 days away from meeting in real life, where he's coming over for a month and a half and now he's admitting that it's like being in love with a movie star, it's not real when it's virtual and sometimes people talk too much. I came out of a 12 year relationship nine months ago, have never done an LDR but am willing to try. Is this guy worth the effort. He's my same age and usually I prefer men a little bit older. I don't have time to waste over heart breakers. Would much rather move on and for now am taking things pretty lightly as I know the I love yous might have been his insecurity trying to win me over and gauge how much I like him. I think an LDR can work but at a certain age once the fact finding phase is over, one of the two has to move to join the other. If this guy doesn't have patience for 20 more days, I'm beginning to doubt it's worth it.
Definitely a scammer. I got the same e-mail with cheese Jack at the end and yes he wants to cherish me etc. Pity as the guy in the profile pic was a really cool looking dude.
missingLondon Forum Posts (455)
Financial support
Very generous of you thank you!!!!.