Star made some very good points. The fwb situation is often lopsided. One often hopes that the other will want a real relationship...an exclusive, lasting one. Match, I have been where you are and it isn't fun, is it? I mean, you really do care for her but you aren't wanting to go as fast (and maybe as far) as she does, and that's uncomfortable. The last time I was in a similar situation, I ended up ultimately having to totally end the relationship. I'm not saying that this is your fate; every situation is different. But in my case, I could never seem to get him to understand (or, accept) what I was feeling. I told him that he was coming on too strong and that I needed him to slow down a bit. He didn't....I guess, like one woman said, he couldn't. He was suffocating me. I tried hard not to hurt him, but I know that I ultimately did. Your basic question...how do I help her slow down a bit? Like others have said, tell her what you are feeling...and be sure to include the part where you said "I love being with her and have feelings...happy to be off to a good start." Hopefully she can manage to pace herself a bit, but right now she is just feeling what many of us love to feel...hopeful, happy, and giddy. I haven't really said anything of use, but I wanted to respond, anyway. I hope that it all works out for you, whatever happens...I wish the best for you.
Catching up a bit now....just read the explanation. Yeah, for me, this one would be sending out the DING-DING-DING warning signal, too. First of all, winning money at the tracks....what the hell was he doing gambling if he was financially strapped, anyway? I am generally not very attracted (mentally, I mean) to anyone who is constantly the victim. I would not have wanted to spend a couple of hours in a coffee shop or wherever, constantly saying "Oh, that's too bad" or "What a shame" or crap like that. I wouldn't go, either.
I'm wavering back and forth on this a bit. Yes, I agree with Unmatchable's train of thought, overall. I agree that one should not be overly paranoid and paint everyone with the same brush. Everyone should be viewed and considered individually and not be expected to fit a tight and unrealistic mold. Save a little room for the possibility that you might find something that you didn't expect to find that is a very POSITIVE characteristic or quality. However...having said that...I still contend that one must be cautious, but this is a unanimous concensus and I can't imagine any debates on this point. And, not knowing what triggered the warning bells in Kitty's head, I can't say whether or not I would have done the same. Sometimes we just have to act on instinct, even if that may be ultimately baseless. Go with your gut, be careful and smart, but try to allow yourself to be open to some new possibilites. If you find that you start to suspect the motives of the vast majority of the men you communicate with, perhaps you will never be able to allow yourself to take the next step. Time will tell. I hope you find your comfort level.
I have not had any terrible experiences. I have had some very nice ones, some not so great, some so-so...but none terrible and none where I felt that my safety was threatened. I take measures to reduce any element of risk, such as meeting in a very public place, for example. The way I look at it is this.... If I met someone in a different venue...at a social gathering, at a café, in a library...wherever...I am still not going to have any idea what the person is like until I get to know them. At least you can screen a bit through chatting and such and work up to meeting someone when you have reached a certain level of comfort (but still be smart about how you do it). Ironically, the worst thing that ever happened to me was at the hands of someone that I met through a friend, many years ago. Turned out that she didn't really know him all that well, but I assumed that she did. Won't elaborate, but I will just say that you should always keep your guard up, but no more so with online dating sites than you would when first meeting someone through any other means. Good luck, have fun, keep your wits about you, and enjoy!
I'm actually thinking about it, but I'm not not sure yet. I'd love to meet many of you, but I have also always wanted to go to Ireland. It will depend on my work situation (can I take a day or 2 off from work at that time?) and the overall cost. Won't know for awhile yet.
Well, I'd much rather read THIS kind of Aaarrrrggghhh! post from you than the other recent one that, I believe, started the same way. Look at it this way...in the last one, bags were accidentally thrown away and it was just unfortunate timing. In this case, something new has entered your life and it may be a matter of FORTUNATE timing! Out with the old, in with the new (even if one is a bag of clothes and the other is a new man in your life! )
OK, so you weren't looking....often this is when we DO find someone. And I hope he makes you happy.
Because I travel frequently, I would say that the best two inventions are: 1 The world wide web (primarily because it keeps me connected with family, friends, and Barnes and Noble et al.) and 2. Suitcases with wheels! I hope the person who patented that idea is a multi-bazillionaire because he or she deserves every penny for their idea.
Yes, I had a very strong feeling that this was based on something real in your life. What gave it away for me was that you used a name...you said "my Lori"...sounded much more real than if you had said "my lover" or "my woman" or some nameless endearment. Sorry for the loss.
I knew from a young age that I would want to be a mother one day and it truly has been the greatest joy of my life. Both of my sons were from my marriage and were planned. I wanted more, but miscarried a couple of times and it just never happened. My ex-husband (their Dad) was a good and loving father and he shared the same feelings about being a parent as I did (same feelings, but not the same workload! ). As I look back on raising my sons (they are now grown), I remember so many special moments (I remember what was on the tv while I was in the labor room at the hospital; I remember what they wore on their first days of school; I remember being pregnant with my second son and wondering if I could possibly love him as much as I did my first....I did....instantly); I remember so many moments and joys and achievements and yet, hard as I try, I can barely recall the unpleasant times. I know they argued; I know they rebelled at times; I know they resisted doing their homework and household chores; I know that not every day was happy and pleasant...yet I just can't recall those specific moments for the life of me. I do hope that you get to experience this some day. It is the most challenging, difficult, demanding thing you'll ever know....and the most amazing and beautiful thing as well. The cliché is so true...they do grow up too fast! Excuse me now...I think I need to go call my sons!
I adore flowers and am always pleased when I receive either a bouquet or a single flower. But, for me, the most romantic gift is one that is totally unexpected...out of the blue...not my birthday, not Valentine's Day, not any special occasion. Such a gift tells me that he is thinking of me, not that commercials and Hallmark and store ads have reminded him that he needs to go shopping for me! And the most special of these special gifts is one that lets me know that he really knows me and knows what I like. For example, my favorite fragrance or a book he saw me looking at in a bookstore one day or a CD that he has made with a mix of songs that he knows I will enjoy. These are the best gifts, in my opinion. I try to use this same thought process when I buy gifts. Just today, I was at a bazaar where many local merchants sell carpets, jewelry, DVDs, intricately carved boxes, Pashmina scarves, etc. I am leaving Afghanistan soon and wanted to buy a couple of carpets (I bought 4!!!). I passed one stall where I saw an antique copper teapot with beautiful scrollwork and ornate designs. I remembered a dear friend of mine who has a collection of teapots from all over the world, so I bought it for her. This has nothing to do with romance, but it is a gift that I know she will love because it will show her that I know what she likes and it will be totally unexpected when I give it to her.
Of course I would help my adult children in times of need. Like Shipoker said, I help strangers through various means, so why would I think twice about helping my children? I agree that they are living in the real world now and are adults themselves, but things do occasionally happen beyond their control and I will always be there to help them through tough times, especially because I know that they do their absolute best to work through their financial issues on their own. They seldom ask me for anything, but when they have, it has been their last resort. I would rather kick in a few hundred dollars or so to get them through a bind than to have them use their credit cards and build debt. Anyway, I put money in retirement funds, IRAs, my credit union, etc., to prepare for my future as best I can. When I die, my children are my beneficiaries. I'm happy to leave them what I have after I'm gone... why not toss in a little here and there while I'm alive and when they need it most?
I add my thoughts and sincere best wishes for your Mom and for you and your family. I agree with Daniel.....go. We will all be thinking of you in this difficult time and wishing your mother a speedy and full recovery. I send you my tightest virtual hug.
Yes, I have no doubt! But, like the other ladies who have posted so far, strutting is not one of my strongest attributes; I'm a hell of a meanderer, but not much of a strutter!
A quality of some kind.....hehe....that just struck me as funny, for some reason. In other words, it's ok it they're morons, right??? As long as they're hot, who cares if they can string words together and form a legible sentence...
I'm just amused, not trying to sound judgmental. It's all in good fun, so carry on and happy tallying!
Thalassa Forum Posts (2,410)
RE: What would you like to do to your worst ex partner??
I've got your back, Dakota.Past my bedtime again. G'night, all. Filakia!