That sums it up perfectly, Oslo! It was great....I had a wonderful time and it was great to meet everyone. And it didn't hurt to be in such a beautiful city, either!
Shed, I liked what you wrote, but I am one of the ones for whom you cannot help but feel sympathy.
Please try your best to rid yourself of any sympathy for me, for I am very content with my stance. I believe that we use the word "love" too casually in many cases. I can feel very connected to someone, I can have a strong bond, I can value and admire and adore and be attracted to someone I have never met; I can love many things about them; I can think about them at night as I drift off to sleep, I can smile at work when they come to mind, I can look forward to the next message or call, I can do many things and feel many things that some might say is love. But I won't know it as real love until such a time that I can BE with that person. Over the years, my feelings about what love really means have changed from what they were years ago. I simply don't wish to confuse the euphoria...the excitement...the lust...with love. These things are good indications of a delightful prospect and that love may indeed be in the picture, but I just feel very strongly that a recognition of real love comes with a bit of time. Many might disagree, and that's fine with me. I only speak for myself. I just can no longer think that I know how the story will turn out simply because the first 2 or 3 chapters are great. I don't see this as a negative trait, though some might. I see it as a learned response and it comes more from introspection than it does from any fears or walls. When it comes to LOVE, I want to be 100% certain (or as certain as anyone could ever be). And I can't be certain when I am stagnating in the euphoria stage. I need to get to the reality stage. That's just me. To those that believe in love at first sight and those who have lived it, I say CHEERS! I'm happy for you. But I am not wrong for seeing it differently, nor should anyone sympathize. I am just clear about what is right for me. And feeling strongly about someone online is wonderful and I love when it happens...but I can't truly be in love with that person until I spend time with them in real life.
I didn't read her message as an attack, Snuggs. It sounded like the generic "you" to me....in other words, speaking to anyone, not you specifically. And I definitely didn't think she was calling you warpminded. Again, I read that as a vague and generic comment. Then again, maybe I'm wrong.
It was when you said in your previous post "I've had many relationships online....."--it was the word "many" that led me to my belief that we define the word "relationships" differently.
And if I said as one point that I had second thoughts about developing strong feelings "virtually", I am sure I meant that. But I have no doubt that I did not say "love". I have never felt it possible (for ME...I am only speaking for ME), to fall in love with someone I had never seen, met, touched, kissed. Strong feelings....sure. Love? Not me.
Then, my dear Ambrose, we must define "relationship". From what I think you mean, I could alter my comment, because I have definitely connected with people intellectually and with a fascination and intrigue that was most definitely real, and not one-sided schoolgirl infatuation. But, when I say "relationship", I am taking it to a different level. A relationship, as I used the word, is something that is built between 2 people who have spent time with each other, face to face, and who have a mutual desire to be with each other. Remember "going steady"????? This is a relationship, in my way of thinking. Using your interpretation of the word (pardon my assumption of understanding), we can have many relationships going at the same time with many people, right here at CS or some other online venue. This is how I differentiate between our interpretations...I could not run a REAL relationship (as I define it) side-by-side with another.
Concur. With me, everyone starts on the same basic level....honest until proven dishonest, likeable until proven unlikeable, etc. I don't have that tiresome "You can't trust any of them" attitude and I never will. But, thankfully, I'm not deaf, dumb, or blind, either. And I, like you, find that it is pretty easy to spot and eliminate those who don't hold the same values that I do.
Yes, Snuggs, some do. Just not me. Love is a powerful word and I don't say it or receive it lightly. It means something and that something is huge. I don't toss it around casually, whether with a man or even with my dear friends. When I say "I love you", I basically mean that I would do anything in my power to keep you safe and warm and cared for and I would give you anything you would need in your life, if it was mine to give and you needed it more than me. I would do this for my sons, my sisters, my mother, and a few very dear friends. I wouldn't make such a commitment to someone that I have never touched or embraced. Love may mean different things to different people. To me, however, it's huge.
Bravo, Harry! And, for the record, this is real to me, so I won't resort to video games! Would like to keep my books, though...and you're welcome to play tavli (backgammon) with me anytime! Other than that particular game, I'm not playing any. Yes, we're real people with real feelings and this holds true whether I'm sitting here at my desk, reading a message from a man, or if I'm sitting at a coffee shop, engaging in conversation with a man I just met at the table next to me. Time will tell...I'll find him to be a good and honest and appealing man or I will discover that he's a slimeball. Computer or coffee shop, makes no real difference.
I agree with you, John, and it is because of this very thing (building up images in our minds) that I think people who are interested in each other online should make every effort to meet as soon as possible. Built-up images can be a slippery slope; sometimes the image becomes bigger and better than the person can live up to. We're all just people and we must avoid being put on anyone's mental pedestal...it can be a long fall from up there. Attraction and interest and desire can indeed be found online; keeping it in reality is a bit more difficult. I really do feel strongly that prolonging the flirtations and emails (though they may be fun and good for one's ego) is just not a good idea; an early meeting is best, if at all possible. When there is a great distance to deal with, it may take some time before a meeting can take place. But how much time does anyone really want to invest in building a virtual relationship with someone who is far away? Until you actually meet and spend time with each other, the relationship isn't really a relationship, in my opinion. It is just an expression of a possible interest. I don't believe one can love someone without having met them, seen them smile, held their hand, witnessed them interact with others, and...yes...looked into their eyes.
There is no "best time".....anytime is as good as any other, as long as it is said sincerely. The absolute WRONG time to say it is when you are just caught up in a moment, but will not be able to say it honestly an hour later. And there should never be anything attached to it (for example, hoping to hear the same in return or the like). When a man or a woman expresses their love for another, it must be genuine, it must be without expectations, and it must be certain. Then, and only then, there is never a "best time"....it's always welcome!
He will be with whom he wishes in the end, so I wouldn't try to piss her off or tell him anything (regarding who to choose). I would, however, tell him that he must figure it out and when he does, he knows how to reach me. If, however, he isn't encouraging her, I would hope that he would at least tell her that he is with another and that she needs to move on.
Yes, that's my baby boy! 24 years old and one of two of the greatest loves in my life (the other being his older brother!). And, I agree....dazzling beauty here in the Med. We're blessed.
I directed you to Google Images to sea the beautiful water and beaches....as for the other scenery here, click under my pic on View Threads and have a look at the last one I posted (last night).
I'd stay here in Greece, living in a villa overlooking the sea. The reason is that the sea here is an amazingly beautiful color and there are also mountains all around, so the combination of the mountains and the sea makes for a very tranquil and stunning view. I'd sit out on my balcony every morning with a cup of coffee and just gaze out at the turquoise blue water and all stress would vanish.
I feel for you, Dru...I don't think I could bring myself to do it! If they're smaller than my pinkie toe, I can deal with them (roaches, for example). Bigger than that and I'm knocking on my neighbor's doors or calling a male friend and pleading for assistance!
Thalassa Forum Posts (2,410)
RE: how do you fall in love with a computer monitor....
I didn't take it as anything offensive in the least.And, yes, I look forward to being able to give my love to someone again some day.