I don't blame the shorter news programs (on the basic networks... NBC, ABC, CBS) for limiting their news to purely local and domestic topics; they only have about 30 minutes to cover news, weather, and sports. But a 24-hour news channel, on the other hand, should devote far more time to world news. They run similar segments and the same tapes of some event over and over with great frequency, when they could be showing more of what's happening in the world around us. Our U.S. news channels leave a lot to be desired.
I can't see myself ever falling in love with someone I haven't met in person. I try to never say never, so I simply say that I can't imagine myself doing it. In order for me to know that I love someone, I have to have touched him, seen him smile, seen his eyes, heard his laugh. I must spend time with him in the flesh before I could call it love. While just online, I don't call it "dating" and I don't say that "we're a couple" (with anyone). It's just not real until face-to-face has occurred. At least, not for me. The furthest I can go from an online relationship is a knowledge that I simply must meet the person... I have to know if my interest can be further developed. But love? It's such a frequently overused word, in my opinion. It loses its impact when said so freely and so often as some do.
It is indeed an extension of my personality because I bought it for one hell of a deal from someone who had left the country and was under great pressure to sell it or dispose of it somehow. He left during an "off" time, when there wasn't much transition and nobody was in the market for a car....but I was. He originally wanted 12,000 euros for it. After time and a number of price reductions, he asked for best offer. I offered $5000 (which, at the time, was about 3,400 euros) and he took the offer. Unfortunately for him, he was between a rock and a hard place. I got it for a song and this reflects my personality...wait things out, if need be, for the best outcome.
First of all, kudos for the good and thoughtful post.
As for me, my answer is no. You sound like a decent man and I understand your circumstances for the most part, but I wouldn't date a man in your situation. Sommer said that she can't help her feelings and I understand that, but there is a point where I differ in my way of seeing this. For me, if I met you and asked you if you were single, for example, and you replied, "Well, I am still legally married, but....", the little switch in my head that says "proceed, full speed ahead" or "proceed with caution" or "Danger, danger...stand back" would go instantly to the "danger" setting. In other words, once I hear that a man is married, I instantly shut down any potential intimate or romantic involvement. It's a self-protection mechanism. Now, if I lived in Ireland and divorce required 5 previous years of separation, I'd consider the person's circumstances and then decide.
I have to wonder....how old are your children, if that's not asking too much? I understand trying to stay together for the children, but do you think that the image they are receiving of married life is healthy for them? I know divorce is painful for the children, but I wonder if they're receiving unclear messages about marriage and that this may not be the best for them, after all.
I would love to find a man to love and be loved by in return, whether from this site or from bumping into him accidentally on a bus...where it comes from is always a crap shoot. I hold low expectations, however, because I am in Greece and many of the men here who have contacted me and who appeal to me are just so far away from me. I may never find what I hope for, but I can't expect Mr. Right to just show up at my doorstep one day and sweep me off my feet and onto his white steed. I have to put myself out there, so to speak. In the meantime, should nothing ever materialize, I enjoy the forums and come most often for this purpose.
By the way....it was nice to see that you are from Atlanta. It's my home city, when I am back in the States.
I just logged on and read the 1st and last pages of this thread, but not each post. I will try to answer your questions, Dru, without speculating about what this man's reasons might be for standing you up. (I just ended a sentence with a preposition! Aaaargh! But how else do I say what I wanted to say? "without speculating for his reasons for putting you in a position up where you stand? No, doesn't work! )
Yes, I've been stood up. More than once in my many years. I, like you, Dru, react to it much differently now than I did 20 or 30 years ago. It hasn't been a very long time since I last had this experience. I had not made contingency plans as I had taken him for his word that we would be going out for dinner. As zero hour was approaching and I hadn't heard from him to fine-tune the plans (what time will he be coming for me, for example), I sent him a message and asked him when I should expect him. He didn't reply right away. It became evident that I was being stood up, and I didn't call or message him again. I must admit that I was a bit ticked off because I had declined an invitation from friends to go out that evening. So I felt sort of doubly denied. Anyway, he called later that evening and apologized. He gave me some story about being unavoidably held up at work and such. But he is not in the kind of job that he would suddenly be unable to send a quick message or make a quick phone call to me, so I quite honestly didn't buy his story. And I told him as much. I wasn't pissed off at this point; in fact, I was in bed and trying to sleep when he called. I was honest with him when I spoke to him...I told him he had been rude and that he showed that he didn't respect me or my time. He asked if I would see him the next evening and I declined. I wished him well, but told him that I wasn't interested in seeing him after this. To me, it is a matter of respect.
In science, the words "superior" and "inferior" represent clear dominant or subjugated positions. In thinking individuals, the distinction is far different. One can feel superior to another. One can feel inferior. Or, as in my case, I've never felt inferior to anyone. What I feel, I am. If I feel sad, I am. If I feel weak, I am. If I feel vibrant, I am. Having never felt inferior, I am not. My estrogen is no less important than your testosterone, although the prevalence of one over the other will present a different physical outcome as well as differences in the brain. One thing being different from another does not automatically make one better than the other. As men and women are biologically different, your argument that one is inferior to the other isn't sound. You'd have a better stance if you compared one man to another or one woman to another, as you would be beginning on a level playing field. Are apples inferior to oranges? They are both fruit, as men and women are both humans. But they will never be of the same basic chemical building blocks. Anyway, I know this is indeed a wind-up and it hasn't ruffled my feathers in the least.
I was with my father a little over a year ago when he died. He was in a wonderful hospice facility with amazing, caring people. We couldn't have asked for more for him; I stroked his forehead as he took his last breaths. I have no doubt that your job must be incredibly draining, but bless you and those around you who care for our loved ones in their final moments.
Well, this is a different environment than I originally envisioned. But, you ARE young and, I assume, so are your dates. I stick with my original comment, though...come up with different dating options. Avoid the drinking nights. If you want to go to a club and dance, pay attention to how many drinks your date is ordering. Don't tell her she's having too much, but offer water and some food and then be prepared to leave early if you have to. Tell her you want to go for a walk, or for a gelatto or pizza or something. Just don't stay too long in a place where drinking is the main source of income for the establishment.
I can only guess it's one of two things... Either they are not being truthful, but they are embarrassed that they overdid it and drank too much, or else they are being truthful and they truly haven't had other such situations. I don't know how old you are, but if you are very young and so are your dates, they really might not have had much to drink in the past. And, I don't know how common it is in Pakistan for young women to be in social situations where alcohol is abundant. But I have a word of advice...take your dates out for a coffee and conversation. Or, over dinner, just order one drink each. They won't get drunk if you don't make it easy for them to do so.
What is a silver bud vase without a rosebud in it? What is a plate without food....without the meat loaf, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob? What is a queen-sized bed with only one person sleeping in it night after night? What is a church without people inside? Or even just one lone old man, kneeling alone in the rear of church, silently crossing himself as he worships? What is a garden with nothing planted, nothing growing? What is a library with no books? What is a song with no melody?
Jenn, I have to agree with rodolpho...it just gets worse with each post. Now you say he tells you he will move to where you are or try to get you to move to Kentucky, but then you say he is thinking of joining the Navy. Oh, my. Please, please, please....tell him goodbye. You really must. It's a case of "hurt now or hurt later". Take it now and move on. It's difficult, I know, but do you really see good things ahead? Do you really want to keep your eye on him all the time? Is this what love is to you? Do yourself a favor....find your pride. He is trampling on it. Find it, resurrect it, and tell him that you are through with him. Anyway, we've all said it, but you keep trying to justify the situation. You will do what you want, of course, and I have a strong feeling that you will allow him back into your life. I would buy you a box of Kleenex now for you to hold onto, if I could....for when you need them again. With him, you will.
One of the biggest misconceptions that many of us have is that we think we can "make" someone else happy. We cannot. We can be good and kind and loving and caring, but we cannot make someone happy. I have known a number of good men in my life and I am thankful for having known them, but that doesn't mean that they were right for me. Their attempts to "make me happy" ultimately felt smothering. The joy is either there in its very existence or it is not. I DO want a good man to love, but that doesn't mean that I can fall in love with every good man that enters my life. There is more to the equation, and I'm hard-pressed to believe that you don't know this, too. If you believe that just goodness is enough to commit yourself to another (loving them, sleeping with them, making love with them), then none of us would be here. I know a hell of a lot of good men. I just don't love them.
There is no "correct" type of post here, Marasgal, as you will soon discover. The only thing I would suggest is that you take it slow. Yes, you want to love and be loved again, but don't rush it. Take the time to find what you truly need and want from a woman and take the time to find her. By the way...welcome aboard!
He is giving you all the signs. You don't have to look for them, they are right in front of you. He is definitely a player and he won't suddenly turn over a new leaf and devote himself to you only. It's an ideal for you, maybe, but it WILL NOT HAPPEN. I wish I could have 5 minutes with this boy, I really do. I have a few things I'd like to say to him. Run, don't walk. There is nothing but heartache in store for you if you give your heart to this cad.
Damn it, Cap'n...you made me sad. I am both touched and sad at the same time. Bittersweet. But only because I wish I had someone who would miss me and write about missing me. You are a lucky man, she is a lucky woman. How nice to have someone to miss.
I don't think so, either, Sommer. I'm just approaching it from the angle that he addressed as something to consider. I answer the question, but I don't assume the question is based on reality, always.
Does conscience never carry any weight? We use conscience for those times that it benefits us. When we have an overriding compulsion to follow another path, we disregard conscience. Many people abandon conscience for a fleeting emotion. Their so-called conscience is self-serving. I don't buy into this thought process, Dmire.
Thalassa Forum Posts (2,410)
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RE: Talking about TV News.
I don't blame the shorter news programs (on the basic networks... NBC, ABC, CBS) for limiting their news to purely local and domestic topics; they only have about 30 minutes to cover news, weather, and sports. But a 24-hour news channel, on the other hand, should devote far more time to world news. They run similar segments and the same tapes of some event over and over with great frequency, when they could be showing more of what's happening in the world around us. Our U.S. news channels leave a lot to be desired.