Hi!! Long time...so great to see you, too. Have you re-settled in a new place now? Anyway, to answer your question....it is the elephant in the room. We haven't ended it, but I feel that it must be resolved soon, before I get too entrenched. It's funny how I find myself wanting to fall in love again and be loved again, but when I start to feel...when I see the possibility that my heart will be out on a limb again...I inevitably envision pain ahead. Wow. Telling, isn't it? I've missed hearing from you.
Greetings and salutations to those who may remember me....
Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce myself to you. I am the poster child for bad timing. Or wrong place, wrong time. Won't bore you with details, but I pose a question... Have you seen the movie "Sliding Doors"? (early Gwyneth Paltrow film) It's about how much a person's life might be greatly changed if only one small act...one instant...one move...was done differently. I can think of many things that would have put my life on a completely different track, had it not been for one minor action or one decision made. I don't regret most, but I do a few. Now I find that age and location are my own personal Sliding Doors. If I was younger, the man I have been seeing in recent months would likely be my next great love. But he is younger than I am (in his early 40s), was married once when young and never had children, and he would like to have kids. For me, that ship has sailed. All those years of having maternal yearnings (I had 2 sons, would have loved another child or two, even) and now I meet a great man who wants a baby and deserves to have one and....ahhhh, hell. I said I wouldn't bore with details, yet here I am, doing so. Is your love life being de-railed due to bad timing? Do you find yourself saying "If only...." more than you say "we just didn't click"?
I'm a bit dismayed by some of the responses here, particularly the ones with the "why don't we ever learn" theme. Yes, we put our hearts out there for others and we end up time and again with bruised and broken hearts as a result. But what is the solution? Never risk? Give up the dream? Stop the journey at the first intersection or pothole and remain stagnant in one spot, never moving forward towards what might be a beautiful destination? No, this is not for me. My heart has broken, yet it has mended and is still strong and full of love to offer the right man. I HAVE learned from mistakes and from past experiences, but learning is a lifelong thing, right? Do we say, "OK...I've learned all that I care to learn in my life. Please, no more wisdom for me....I'm full." Rather, we take what we have learned and we grow and we evolve, we don't stagnate. I believe that this is equally important with relationships. Why give up? Why throw in the towel? I will continue to take the journey. If I never reach the ultimate destination, I will at least enjoy some nice diversions along the way.
I can't add anything new to the caring messages from others here, but I want to mention something as a bit of an aside.... What an appropriate name you have given yourself....Gentlepaws. You are indeed a gentle man with a good heart. Hold tight, Leo.
"Does being a certain body type affect one’s self image? Conversely, does the way you think influence what type of body you have; that is, does the inner self, not just behavior, affect if you are fat or thin and in many cases healthy or unhealthy? "
I would say that one's body image DOES affect their inner self-image. And the same is true in reverse. Consider anorexia....thin, gaunt women (usually women, though not always) who see themselves as fat and disgusting, yet they are basically emaciated. Their self-image is affecting not only their appearance but their health as well. And then there are the very obese people who ride a perpetual roller-coaster of self-loathing. Of course this is a generalization, for not every overweight person hates how they look, but I'd say it's a fairly accurate generalization for most. Don't we all hold our heads up a little higher and walk with a bit more pep in our step when we feel good about ourselves? If we just dropped a few pounds, it may not be noticeable by anyone but we are aware and we feel better about ourselves for having done so; it affects our self-image and we then present ourselves with more confidence.
When I first came to the forums (in October), I really enjoyed my time here because I made a few friends, had a few laughs, and occasionally found some interesting topics to discuss. Even tried to post some of my own, but I've all but given up lately. Being here was, in the past, a great way for me to pass my free time while in Afghanistan, since I couldn't go anywhere or do anything other than work. But it has greatly lost its appeal as of late. I come back and read the topics and seldom find anything that I want to reply to. I have felt some genuine warmth here at times and there are some great people here that I feel a connection with, if only a virtual one. But I'm not good at mere social chit-chat; I prefer talking about (or, writing about) real things. I will pop in here now and then and see what's going on and what's being discussed, but unless I have something real to say, I'll mainly just remain quiet.
Funny! I just wrote about distractions and you suggest NO distractions. Just goes to show you....different things work for different people. Your way, though different from mine, may be just the key for sassylady. I just hope she finds a way that is right for her.
I don't know if you can really beat them, depending on what is causing the stressful thoughts. But, for me, I always find that a brisk walk with some favorite upbeat music on my iPod is one good way to put my thoughts aside for a bit. Distraction, exercise, and some more distraction are helpful to me. Go where there is life and energy...a busy city walk, for example, rather than a place of solitude. Get some sun (good old vitamin D), some fresh air, and be amongst the living, whether friends or strangers. Rejuvenate yourself with the simple pleasures of life. Take that walk, listen to your favorite sounds, buy yourself a bouquet of flowers, breathe deeply, take in all that is good around you. It may only be a temporary relief, but little by little you might find that you are feeling better. Good luck!
Ahhhhh...it's bittersweet when a man recognizes the demands of single parenting as you have done. There's a part of me that is glad that your awareness level has been raised and another part of me that feels for you, having to do this on your own (sort of a brotherhood thing, if you will). I raised 2 sons, also, and vividly recall scenes such as you describe. It used to drive me nuts at times, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I'm sure you know what I mean. Keep up the good work, Dad...it's the best job in the world.
Thanks a bunch. I do feel ok (assuming you're referring to my recent loss...it was peaceful and the right time for it). I am back in Greece now (happily so) and life moves on (also, happily so). Nice to be back.
Rubbed one out? Don't know if I follow you...or if I'm the rub-out you refer to (hehe), but glad you feel great! Not feeling too shabby, either, all things considered.
liver not getting enough sleep sanitation worker strikes (garbage piling up on the sidewalks) sunburn mosquito bites going into a bathroom and finding no paper along same lines, I hate wet bathroom floors again on same lines, I hate it when there is no place to hang my purse when I'm in the middle of something pressing and requiring focus, and we have a fire drill or some other drill having to take my car to a mechanic and being patronized....I DO know the difference between a thing-a-ma-jig and a whatcha-ma-callit! doing my taxes
Hi, Kara. Welcome aboard. Sorry I don't have any tips for you, but I agree with the others. Get to know people on the forums and relationships will develop; maybe not the kind of relationship you seek, but good ones nonetheless.
I know many would disagree with me, but I wish that email was limited to only allow interaction between parties who are NOT in the same building! I wouldn't want to be without email as a means of communicating with friends and family or with other embassies and back to Washington, etc. But I hate the fact that, instead of being a means of communication on the job, it has become THE MAIN form of communication. As I work in the busiest and most highest-level office of our embassy, I receive an average of 75 or 80 emails per day. If I take the time to read each one thoroughly, respond to most, file others into separate folders, delete the garbage, etc., I could easily spend 80% of my day just managing emails, leaving little time for anything else. I don't want other people's emails to me to be managing my time. People tend to think that, once they have sent an email to someone, the task is now out of their hands and it's now up to the recipient....the old "didn't you get my email?" routine. Anyway, it's a real problem for me....too many emails, not enough time.
I guess I'm just of the "never say never" school of thought. I don't plan to ever marry again, and am definitely not seeking marriage, but I am not totally ANTI-marriage, either. So, although I probably won't ever do it again, I haven't totally slammed the door shut and locked all the windows on the idea. As for loving 100%....is there another level to which you can love someone? If I fall in love again, it will be no less than 100%. What's 80%? 50% 20% even 95%?? This is not love, in my opinion. Finally, the trust thing.....herein lies the problem. It's difficult to keep putting your heart out there and not be concerned about all the bumps and bruises that it's subjected to in such a vulnerable position. Let's just say that I do so WANT to trust and love again. But the realist in me kinda doubts that it will happen. I hope that I'm wrong.
On a day in and day out basis, I would do as has already been mentioned by many....read more (although I still read a fair amount even now) and probably watch a bit more tv, because my time on the Internet is my entertainment time. I would just turn to the other monitor for my entertainment. I get out often enough, spend time with friends often enough, travel and just take walks often enough.
The most difficult change for me would be the loss of email and online banking and shopping conveniences. Living abroad while all of my family remains in the U.S. is so much easier to do in these Internet days (unlike when I was growing up and we lived overseas under my Dad's employment). I can communicate with my loved ones instantly through online chat options, less instantly but still very quickly via email, and can even talk to them through my computer. Christmas and birthday shopping or ordering personal needs online is painless and so convenient. And, finally, I monitor my investments and transfer funds and do my taxes and....well, yes...I would greatly miss the Internet!
Someone to prepare my income tax submission. Someone to help me prepare my evaluation report bullet points for my rater to work with. (Both of the above due by April 15 and I am procrastinating big-time.) A hot fudge sundae. (OK, I don't really NEED one....just want one) A man. (OK, I don't really NEED one....just want one)
It was actually some of your postings today that got me thinking about compromise (I've seen the ones about the tick-tick-ticking of the biological clocks! Does it become deafening at times?? )
But I do agree with the part about love drawing people together and motivating them to want to spend more time with each other. This is probably why my time alone is so valuable to me; I just haven't found the one who will make me feel differently...the one who will make me feel empty when he's not around.
We all know that relationships take some compromise. One cannot always have his or her way in everything; there must be some give and take. I realize that the two things that cause me the most problems in relationships...the things that I have the most difficulty in compromising...are my time and my space. I need my time alone as much as I need, at other times, to be with someone. Not wanting to see a man every night (or even every other night) is not intended to indicate lack of interest or desire, though it is often perceived this way. And it is also occasionally thought to be a lie (oh....she doesn't want to go out tonight or for me to come over??? She must be seeing someone else!). Anyway, I don't know if I can change this pattern of mine (or if I even want to), but I recognize that it may be necessary for me to compromise a bit more...give a bit more of my time and space to someone, if I want a relationship to last for any length of time. What are your toughest compromises??? Can you bend them a bit?
How I rate myself generally depends on my mental state of mind, rather than what I see in the mirror, if this makes any sense. At times, I do feel beautiful. More often, I feel somewhat attractive. Occasionally, BARELY passable. I don't mean to imply that I have a fragile mental health issue; I only mean that the way I am feeling on the inside has a great impact on how I project myself externally. This, in turn, affects how others see me, which in turn comes back to enhancing or detracting from my appearance. Am I rambling here?? Surely we all have those days when we walk a little taller, shoulders back and head high, exuding some level of confidence that others can't help but notice. Then we have the other days. Anyway, Leo...I would say that I am an average looking woman with passably attractive beauty. Or something like that. It's all about how I feel on the inside.
Slightly off-topic, but not totally... If you like historical fiction (sometimes frustrating to figure out which is history and which is fiction, but this just motivates me to do a little research so that I can learn and distinguish between the two), I would recommend a book called "Birds Without Wings" which tells the story of the era at the end of the Ottoman Empire, recounts the Battle of Gallipoli, leads into the impact of the Lausanne Treaty, which (among other things) displaced hundreds of thousands (millions, more likely) of Turkish Muslims living in Greece and Orthodox Greeks who were settled and living in Turkey. It's a pretty fascinating and well-researched tale, but told through a mix of fictional characters and real ones, such as Ataturk. OK....carry on.
Thalassa Forum Posts (2,410)
Oh, baby, baby
Hi!! Long time...so great to see you, too. Have you re-settled in a new place now? Anyway, to answer your question....it is the elephant in the room. We haven't ended it, but I feel that it must be resolved soon, before I get too entrenched. It's funny how I find myself wanting to fall in love again and be loved again, but when I start to feel...when I see the possibility that my heart will be out on a limb again...I inevitably envision pain ahead. Wow. Telling, isn't it?I've missed hearing from you.