Stedan Poetry (135)

I have sat and often wondered why,
pondered over words left unsaid,
I tried to contact you, I really did try,
you never answered me, you let you friends do instead,

They told me that I was not the one for you,
that to be a man and let it go,
very hard to say or do, especially as my love was true,
I had so much love for you, it was always on show,

Now your buried and hidden away,
you even left the site we met,
I never did get the chance to have my say,
you found it so easy to say forget,

Now I have wondered all the why`s,
and it is now in plain sight,
I no longer think of you and sigh,
your love was transparent as the light,

You told me of your past hurts and how you was never loved,
I did my best to prove and right this wrong,
how you wanted all to be, soft and gentle like a dove,
while you were here I was what you wanted and my love was strong,

Now your gone and hiding away like some thief,
scared to talk or even show your face,
your own written words now beggar`s belief,
you broke my heart, that was a disgrace,

So you hide in your rose coloured world of pain,
telling people how your scared and hurt,
I was a poor choice, from me you had little to gain,
my words now, are not so nice but very curt,

I thank you from the bottom of my heart,
I have my freedom to choose again,
no longer will I wonder why were apart,
you are nothing, but memories stain.

An englishman with stiff upper lip,
supposedly full of grace and mannners,
proud of stance but not too stiff,
we even had a King once, who stammers,

Our hearts are solid, like english oak,
we have all lived on this isle,
even our tailors are all bespoke,
some of us even have great style,

We have at one time owned the seas,
lower, middle and upper class,
a class distinction for all to see,
now times have changed, alas,

No different from any other,
history gave you an englishmans`s view,
now my friend I call you brother,
for your ancestry intermingles with new,

But still the myth of a gentlemans worth,
some still have all the grace and manners,
look at our politicians you can see their girth,
we are measured up by all the scammers,

Come to England and be worthwile,
our benefits system used to be the best,
open policy, has cultural style,
soon to change, our heritage lost, living here is quite a test,

An englishman still has his smile,
his manners still gentle and mild,
our feelings and emotions always on trial,
we endure, though sometimes wild,

Our language is spoken by so many in time,
this is our gift to the world,
"Hey brother can you spare a dime",
on this isle now poverty, homelessness, jobless all unfurled,

Today I went for a drive and a walk,
I chose the place where I first took you,
to see if I could enjoy this and maybe meet someone to talk,
I remember so much, how you enjoyed the view,

Along that stretch of pier,
looking across those men of steel,
thinking of your love I held so dear,
wondering in my mind now, how you feel?,

I walked slowly on the sands,
where your picture I took by that statue you posed,
no longer was I there with you holding hands,
I assume now, that picture you have disposed,

You had your first taste of fish and chips,
all wrapped in paper and no forks too,
whilst here this became your favourite dish,
all this I remember as I stood their looking at the view,

Walking quietly and softly on the sands,
not wearing my hearing aids to deaden the sound,
I wonder if you think of me in your homelands,
memories linger on and all around,

Wind fresh and brisk in my face,
walking quite a distance so I tire out,
searching for you, but no longer a trace,
mind clear but heart still holding that doubt,

I watched the sun set over the waters,
slight drizzle a soft refrain,
I hope all is well with you and your daughters,
Moving away and walking back to my car, will I ever see you again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dreams of love are in my mind,
searching for my soulmate, yet to find.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In my mind I will be waiting,
for I have had my dreams unfulfilled,
maybe with some sort of anticipating,
my emotions are now calmed and stilled,

Love has been and sent me high,
now I await my next heartbreak,
this next love will make me fly,
feelings and emotions so much at stake,

Waiting for that one who will feed my soul,
with tenderness, love and maybe devotion,
for being on ones own your not whole,
we all wait for this emotion,

So I sit quiet and look around,
so much feelings inside for that one,
quietly thinking not making a sound,
forget the past it has all gone,

The future is here for you and me,
what is around that corner this year,
time will tell we have to wait and see,
to love again without worry and fear,

Waiting and time goes slowly,
letting oneself become free,
even prays to him who is holy,
will their ever be a true love for me.

Size matters? depends on your point of view,
Being anorexic is definetely a size two,
Lets try for a four,
No think we need a little bit more,

Being a size six,
Now were getting nearer the mix,
The perfect size eight,
Most reckon this is the one that is great,

Up the scale to size ten,
To use a Scottish expression you would be my hen,
On to the dozen that nice size twelve,
no longer the pixie but a heavyish elve,

Now for fourteen the english weight in stones,
no longer skinny you say, just heavy bones,
between sixteen and twenty plus,
will have to change that car and buy us a bus.

Reflections of my time with you,
re-winding my memory cells to playback the hours,
we did so much and yet so little too,
some scenes are reminiscent of Fawlty Towers,

Those barriers we placed upon ourselves,
from past relationships that had hurt us both,
made our time together somewhat shelved,
each looking for one anothers faults without any real hope,

I can see clearly now where I went wrong,
verbal communication was not your strength,
I wanted so much for you to belong,
at times silences were too much length,

I tried to give you space and let yourself be free,
you lacked the words to explain your thoughts,
at times your eyes told me just how much you wanted to be with me,
how much I longed to have learned your language and been taught,

When we held each other it was plain to see,
our touches and caresses made each other shiver,
our eyes could not lie to one another, it was love for you and me,
but fire and passion alone are not to be, we had other things to consider,

Now your gone and mind made up, blocked and out of sight,
so my reflections of time with you was not well spent,
you befriended ex to possibly review, but her words would be full of spite,
no matter what you think my words of love for you, were always meant,

really good written words , thanks for share,
comments above from my ex, on my poem killing time,
so you see for you she does not care,
now I truly know you will never again be mine,

but the memories of you in my mind,
mirrored reflections on lifes pond,
will always be cherished with love and kind,
shimmering with light and love for you Ms Lond.

If I cry silently in the dark who will hear me,
these are not tears of sadness but of lament,
I am allowing them to flow to set me free,
my New Years resolution is my intent,

For if I have no grief or sadness left in me,
then this heart of mine will no longer ache,
my mind will be settled and my soul at rest will be,
these tears are for me and for my own sake,

So much good advice has been passed on,
it is time to set oneself free,
memories have moved on it is time to let them be gone,
I am doing all this for me, for me,

When that clock ticks down and into year anew,
my mind will rise and my spirit will be aflame,
there will be no more memories of you,
am no longer accepting myself of any blame,

Am getting myself ready to be free,
this will be my time with no more shrouds,
my heart and love will be back to me,
no longer the hurt one or feeling pain, for myself I will be proud.

Come on next year and break this self made chain,
the one I made myself because of loss for you,
I have nothing to lose anymore but so very much to gain,
my next love will be the one, she will be so true.

No matter what you think or say,
you try hard to put things behind you,
your emotions are what get in the way,
and yet because of the one you loved it is hard to do,

The other night I dozed in my chair,
my mind was thinking of you too,
and am sure in my ear, your voice I did hear,
you called my name, startled in my mind I came through,

Sitting there wide awake and no one in view,
heart pounding and pulse racing,
your voice was so clear am certain it was you,
now my mind is twisting and my heart aching,

My emotions have gone yet again all a wry,
feelings rise within me just like they used to do,
it is hard to try and hold the tears, I do not want to cry,
your last words you told me was that we was through,

difficult to get my mind and body together,
I still shake with emotions at the thoughts of you,
the love we had I thought would be forever,
trying to get past you is so very hard to do,

weeks have passed and time has been slowing,
my mind has told me it is all over, I know,
words have not passed between us, am no longer knowing,
but my emotions still hold on to you like some sort of glow,

The nights are the quietest when you sit and stare,
the home is silent, only your own breathing is heard,
the cat looks at you, purring softly we make a fine pair,
you look back over the months of the time when you cared,

Our time together so many positives, being in love as life directed,
Now my mind reflects, considers those moments and words said,
when I asked so many times would and could you be happy here? your answers were always deflected,
because love and caring for you was always my first concern, I never really took your words into my head,

For my love for you led myself into a blinding trust,
the way in which you dismissed me from your life,
being blocked and not being able to make contact made my heart bust,
I will never understand your motives, you could have been my wife,

And now I watch as an observer whilst in the forum you check profiles anew,
your doing all this in such a frantic rush since you set me free,
obviously you had some plan to gain and real love was not in you,
so now I sit here killing time now that I have let you be,

The last twelve months have been a roller-coaster of emotions,
so next year in 2014 is my time for me, and how my life will be,
what to do and were I go, I still have no real notions,
but at last in time and with care this heart of mine will soon be really free.

Is it really love that is your hearts desire,
or is it what I have to give in materialistic things,
if love then you have my own heart set afire,
simple gifts of love and affection is all I can bring,

You want lots of holidays and travels abroad,
you want to see all in your new life,
everything depends on what I can afford,
if I had these riches then you would become my wife,

But my heart beats with love for whom you are,
yours seems to beat to the tune of money,
I have no midas touch to buy you, your car,
your love comes with a price, is that why you call me honey,

What I have to offer is me and a love for you dear,
what you want is love and also to be a real princess,
all I have is a decent home with all appliances, garden front and rear,
all your emotions and feelings are geared this way I guess,

My heart and soul would be yours, with a love so true,
yours seems to look towards the bank balance,
I cannot be both in which to satisfy you,
so my being rich would cement this alliance,

You pretend to love for materialistic things,
I loved the woman for whom you pretended to be,
if it is love for me, then please wear my rings,
you decided I was too poor, love was good but you set yourself free.

Dating relationships start with an hello, how are you?,
original thought you think, not much to impress?,
with a little concentration I am sure you can try something new,
I have done it myself and wrote things you could find in a readers digest,

So here we are both see the pics and think ok?,
I look at yours and to myself say, could I honestly like to look at you each day,
Now it is time to pen the words, to make that opening, now what to say?,
thank heavens this site is free, imagine the costs one would have to pay,

Right now is the time to take that chance,
so carefully penned words to open up your mind,
can we kindle that spark of romance?,
everyone starts off being ever so kind,

Gentle words of opening and to create interest,
what do we have in common, apart from the fact you look good,
you also think how much time to invest,
trying hard to get the flow between us as one should,

So at last we have the contact and words flow,
We make mistakes and talk of the things that happened in the past,
I like the way when I read your words they sort of make me glow,
I inform you please, I like you as you are, obviously what went on did not last,

This is a new start for both of us to try,
we do not need to dwell on lost loves and other times,
so lets keep this pure and simple, there is no need to pry,
lets both of us keep to the truth of each other, no more lies,

As time goes one we get to know one another,
slowly time flies, and words flow back and too,
I even know about your sisters and one brother,
our words soon become intense, maybe its time to view,

Lets try Skype you say, so we can have a proper look,
not a problem for me, as who I am is what you see,
you breathe a sigh of relief as the camera reveals your the same as the picture she took,
so now we have our views now is time to see if things can really be.