Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Last Viewed, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
Kevinism...the not so rare teenage disease..
Kevinism is a disease that came about during the 90's, before its appearance teenagers use to help around he house, dry up, even clean their dads car.
These days the condition has gotten worse. Since my son turned double figures I could see the change, hair seems greasy, longer, smelly. Then there is the clothes that seem to grow from the bedroom floor.
What's most worrying about this affliction is the tomato ketchup smothered plates that adorn the kitchen worktops, its like Alzheimer's for the young, you can say the same thing every day but they forget. What's amazing is that whilst having this condition, they seem to know the value of money, how to obtain it, by asking via whatsapp, instead of asking face to face.
Do you have Kevinism in your family ? for girls its Karenism, maybe you can share your stories and we can get much needed therapy by sharing..
These days the condition has gotten worse. Since my son turned double figures I could see the change, hair seems greasy, longer, smelly. Then there is the clothes that seem to grow from the bedroom floor.
What's most worrying about this affliction is the tomato ketchup smothered plates that adorn the kitchen worktops, its like Alzheimer's for the young, you can say the same thing every day but they forget. What's amazing is that whilst having this condition, they seem to know the value of money, how to obtain it, by asking via whatsapp, instead of asking face to face.
Do you have Kevinism in your family ? for girls its Karenism, maybe you can share your stories and we can get much needed therapy by sharing..
online now!
lol
A small Wild Animal Park in Alabama acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat and to make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie Tanden, a redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
The park administrator thought they might have a solution. Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500.00?
Eddie showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer but only under the following four conditions.
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips." The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about this." The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed.
And last of all Eddie stated, "You've got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00."
Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat and to make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie Tanden, a redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
The park administrator thought they might have a solution. Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500.00?
Eddie showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer but only under the following four conditions.
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips." The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about this." The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed.
And last of all Eddie stated, "You've got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00."
I Pledge Alliance To The Blogs Of Con. Singles
and to the republic for which it stands...and to uphold all of its blogging rules and regulations...so help me God.
Have you ever tried to leave this strange, weird, wonderful Blogland? For how long?
I did, many times but I can't seem to stay away for so long. I told myself yesterday that I will make a complete break from here so I can do some spring cleaning and find a new hobby and spend more time with real friends
After a long call from our Angel here and reading a blog from dear Johnny, how am I supposed to turn my back from all these sweet caring friends here? I might never meet them or any of you but you all have became a part of my life. Your blogs have put big smile on my face and brighten many of my boring days and because of that, as long as I'm breathing and have good internet connection, I will keep on blogging and continue to make others smile with my crazy, naughty, stupidly funny blogs.
Thank you CS for creating this wonderful Blogland for us lonely, bored, strange, wonderful and lovable singles all over the world.
As per Zman's request, let's raise the CS Bloggers' Flag onCe again
Standing for TRUTH, REALITY and FREEDOM OF SPEECH
Have you ever tried to leave this strange, weird, wonderful Blogland? For how long?
I did, many times but I can't seem to stay away for so long. I told myself yesterday that I will make a complete break from here so I can do some spring cleaning and find a new hobby and spend more time with real friends
After a long call from our Angel here and reading a blog from dear Johnny, how am I supposed to turn my back from all these sweet caring friends here? I might never meet them or any of you but you all have became a part of my life. Your blogs have put big smile on my face and brighten many of my boring days and because of that, as long as I'm breathing and have good internet connection, I will keep on blogging and continue to make others smile with my crazy, naughty, stupidly funny blogs.
Thank you CS for creating this wonderful Blogland for us lonely, bored, strange, wonderful and lovable singles all over the world.
As per Zman's request, let's raise the CS Bloggers' Flag onCe again
Standing for TRUTH, REALITY and FREEDOM OF SPEECH
One wonders, what could change his mind so drasticly. lol
In The New Yorker today;
It's hard time to imagine what could have Trump thinking so differently lately.
Don't worry so much
you'll probably still have family and friends close by.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Suddenly Expresses Deep Concern About Conditions in Nation’s Prisons
By Andy Borowitz
11:34 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a sudden departure from his previous views on incarceration, Donald J. Trump said on Monday that he was “very, very concerned” about conditions in the nation’s prisons.
“These are very, very bad places,” Trump told reporters. “These are not places you would want to be.”
Trump criticized the “total lack of amenities” in the country’s federal penitentiaries, calling those prisons “a disgrace.”
“If you are locked up in one of those places, there is no TV in your cell,” he said.
“And good luck getting a Diet Coke. You can yell and yell and no one will go get you one. It’s a very sad, very sick situation.”
In addition to blasting the conditions inside the nation’s prisons, Trump also questioned whether “putting someone in jail for one or two felonies serves any purpose.”
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately,” he said. “Prison solves nothing.”
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Suddenly Expresses Deep Concern About Conditions in Nation’s Prisons
By Andy Borowitz
11:34 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a sudden departure from his previous views on incarceration, Donald J. Trump said on Monday that he was “very, very concerned” about conditions in the nation’s prisons.
“These are very, very bad places,” Trump told reporters. “These are not places you would want to be.”
Trump criticized the “total lack of amenities” in the country’s federal penitentiaries, calling those prisons “a disgrace.”
“If you are locked up in one of those places, there is no TV in your cell,” he said.
“And good luck getting a Diet Coke. You can yell and yell and no one will go get you one. It’s a very sad, very sick situation.”
In addition to blasting the conditions inside the nation’s prisons, Trump also questioned whether “putting someone in jail for one or two felonies serves any purpose.”
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately,” he said. “Prison solves nothing.”
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com
It's hard time to imagine what could have Trump thinking so differently lately.
Don't worry so much
you'll probably still have family and friends close by.
The Inverse Vampire
It's been raining here a lot recently.
In fact, this is the rainiest spring & summer in New Jersey (USA)
that I remember.
This week alone I was rained out of playing softball;
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and even though it was sunny today,
the game was cancelled because there are puddles of water in the infield.
With all the natural watering of my lawn, it's been actively growing quite a bit more than usual.
So, I decided to capitalize on there being sunshine and venture out to mow the lawn.
The minute I step outside, my good neighbor across the street is in his yard and yells to me
"hey, how you doing Jim ?"
"Great ! How are you ?"
"I'm doing good too, but my wife has been worried about you, since we haven't seen you
out & about all week. She wanted me to go across the street and knock on your door to make
sure you were OK."
We both chuckled a bit at that, as he's laid back, but while she is very sweet, she can also be intense at time.
I said, "It's just with all the rain, I don't have as much reason to go outside.
I haven't been able to play softball nor take nature photos."
About 2 minutes later his wife comes outside and waves and yells "hey Jim where you been ?"
So, I yell back, that "I'm an inverse vampire".
With that, they're both staring at me with WTF? looks on their faces.
So, I wait a couple of seconds and say....
"Well you know that vampires bite women's necks and suck their blood.
Plus, you never see them when the sun shines.
Well, I'm kind of the opposite. I don't suck anyone's blood. You only see me when the sun shines.
And I don't bite women's necks, unless they're kinky and into that sort of thing.
Yeah, that conversation really happened this morning.
In fact, this is the rainiest spring & summer in New Jersey (USA)
that I remember.
This week alone I was rained out of playing softball;
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and even though it was sunny today,
the game was cancelled because there are puddles of water in the infield.
With all the natural watering of my lawn, it's been actively growing quite a bit more than usual.
So, I decided to capitalize on there being sunshine and venture out to mow the lawn.
The minute I step outside, my good neighbor across the street is in his yard and yells to me
"hey, how you doing Jim ?"
"Great ! How are you ?"
"I'm doing good too, but my wife has been worried about you, since we haven't seen you
out & about all week. She wanted me to go across the street and knock on your door to make
sure you were OK."
We both chuckled a bit at that, as he's laid back, but while she is very sweet, she can also be intense at time.
I said, "It's just with all the rain, I don't have as much reason to go outside.
I haven't been able to play softball nor take nature photos."
About 2 minutes later his wife comes outside and waves and yells "hey Jim where you been ?"
So, I yell back, that "I'm an inverse vampire".
With that, they're both staring at me with WTF? looks on their faces.
So, I wait a couple of seconds and say....
"Well you know that vampires bite women's necks and suck their blood.
Plus, you never see them when the sun shines.
Well, I'm kind of the opposite. I don't suck anyone's blood. You only see me when the sun shines.
And I don't bite women's necks, unless they're kinky and into that sort of thing.
Yeah, that conversation really happened this morning.
The Magical Frog
There once was a magical frog who lived in a huge forest. The forest was so big that he had never seen another animal as long as he lived. One day he was walking to the stream when he happened to come across a bear chasing a rabbit for his lunch.
He stopped them and called them over and said "I'm a magical frog. Seeing as you are the first two animals I've ever seen in my life, I'll give you each three wishes. You may have one wish at a time, and the bear may go first, because he is the biggest."
The bear thinks about it for a while and finally says "I wish every bear in this forest besides me was a female." The frog snaps his fingers and says "It is done. Every other bear in this forest is now female. Rabbit, what's your first wish?"
The rabbit quickly says "I want a crash helmet". The frog thought this was a bit weird, but said nothing. He snapped his fingers and a crash helmet appeared in front of the rabbit, who then strapped it on without thinking twice.
The frog turns to the bear and says "What's your second wish?" The bear says "Well.. I wish every bear in the NEXT forest was a female." The frog snaps his fingers and says "It is done. Every bear in the next forest is female. Rabbit- Your next wish?"
The rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. This was too much for the bear, who thought the rabbit was wasting his wishes. "What the hell are you doing? Why don't you wish for all the money in the world and go BUY a motorcycle??" The rabbit replies "No, I want a motorcycle NOW" So the frog snaps his fingers and a motorbike magically appears in front of the rabbit, who proceeds to hop on and gun the engine. The frog then asked the bear what his last wish would be.
"Gee," said the bear, "this is going GREAT! I wish every other bear in the WORLD besides me was a female!" The frog snaps his fingers and says "It is done. Every bear on earth besides you is female. Rabbit, what's your last wish?"
The rabbit said- "I wish the bear was a homo".
He stopped them and called them over and said "I'm a magical frog. Seeing as you are the first two animals I've ever seen in my life, I'll give you each three wishes. You may have one wish at a time, and the bear may go first, because he is the biggest."
The bear thinks about it for a while and finally says "I wish every bear in this forest besides me was a female." The frog snaps his fingers and says "It is done. Every other bear in this forest is now female. Rabbit, what's your first wish?"
The rabbit quickly says "I want a crash helmet". The frog thought this was a bit weird, but said nothing. He snapped his fingers and a crash helmet appeared in front of the rabbit, who then strapped it on without thinking twice.
The frog turns to the bear and says "What's your second wish?" The bear says "Well.. I wish every bear in the NEXT forest was a female." The frog snaps his fingers and says "It is done. Every bear in the next forest is female. Rabbit- Your next wish?"
The rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. This was too much for the bear, who thought the rabbit was wasting his wishes. "What the hell are you doing? Why don't you wish for all the money in the world and go BUY a motorcycle??" The rabbit replies "No, I want a motorcycle NOW" So the frog snaps his fingers and a motorbike magically appears in front of the rabbit, who proceeds to hop on and gun the engine. The frog then asked the bear what his last wish would be.
"Gee," said the bear, "this is going GREAT! I wish every other bear in the WORLD besides me was a female!" The frog snaps his fingers and says "It is done. Every bear on earth besides you is female. Rabbit, what's your last wish?"
The rabbit said- "I wish the bear was a homo".
Three mischievous old Grannies!
Three mischievous old
Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a
nursing home
When an old Grandpa
walked by.
And one of the old
Grandmas yelled out saying,
"We bet we can tell
exactly how old you are."
The old man said,
"There is no way you
can guess it, you old fools."
One of the
old Grandmas said,
"Sure we can!
Just drop your pants and
under shorts and we can tell your exact
age."
Embarrassed just a little, but
anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped
his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to
first turn around a couple of times and to jump
up and down several times. Then they all
piped up and said,
"You're 87 years old!"
Standing with his
pants down around his ankles, the old gent
asked,
"How in the world did you guess?"
Slapping their
knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three
old ladies happily yelled in
unison...
"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a
nursing home
When an old Grandpa
walked by.
And one of the old
Grandmas yelled out saying,
"We bet we can tell
exactly how old you are."
The old man said,
"There is no way you
can guess it, you old fools."
One of the
old Grandmas said,
"Sure we can!
Just drop your pants and
under shorts and we can tell your exact
age."
Embarrassed just a little, but
anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped
his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to
first turn around a couple of times and to jump
up and down several times. Then they all
piped up and said,
"You're 87 years old!"
Standing with his
pants down around his ankles, the old gent
asked,
"How in the world did you guess?"
Slapping their
knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three
old ladies happily yelled in
unison...
"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
Old what's his face...
My dad had a great memory for tidbits of information... with the exception of someone's name. Two seconds after they introduced themselves, he'd forget.
It didn't stop there. When he was making reference to an actor or comedian and their name didn't come to mind, it was always 'what's his face' ad everyone around him would have to guess.
Shhh... family trait.
In business, when customers come to the showroom I work at, I have to write names on a pad and take notes. By the second meeting, I will have all the details. No problem.
Today, I was in the warehouse getting something from the hardware cage and the manager was playing some rock music. I didn't recognize the song, but I recognized the distinct voice of the singer. Not wanting to do a 'what's his face' I said, is that the guy who played with VanHalen for a while?
Yeah, he replied... Sammy Hagar!
It didn't stop there. When he was making reference to an actor or comedian and their name didn't come to mind, it was always 'what's his face' ad everyone around him would have to guess.
Shhh... family trait.
In business, when customers come to the showroom I work at, I have to write names on a pad and take notes. By the second meeting, I will have all the details. No problem.
Today, I was in the warehouse getting something from the hardware cage and the manager was playing some rock music. I didn't recognize the song, but I recognized the distinct voice of the singer. Not wanting to do a 'what's his face' I said, is that the guy who played with VanHalen for a while?
Yeah, he replied... Sammy Hagar!
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
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