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Several years ago, there was a best selling book,
'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

This book was supposed to become an aid for women and men to better understand each other.
The idea, was that communication and thinking were so different between men and women,
that it was like we were from different distant planets. I suppose it did help some people communicate better, if they were patient enough to actually read and understand the psychology.

It was written by Dr. John Gray....... not to be confused with the 50 shades of Gray guy.

However, I have written a more practical guide for the masses, which is simpler and much shorter
emphasizing creative evasive activity.

The booklet is called.....

'Several days a month women are from Crazytown and we men will be at the bar'.

This useful guide teaches several critical phrases like,

"I left chocolate and Midol on the table. I'll be back after my meeting."

and

"I just noticed, that we are out of sandpaper.
You want me to pick up anything from the hardware store for you, while I'm there all afternoon" ?

or

"Time flies. It seems like just last month, when I rotated the tires. They need it already."

The guide also offers tips on what NOT to say. This chapter may be even more important that the one
on what to say.

For instance, avoid phrases like....." What the hell is wrong with you ?" or "Oh geez, is it THAT time of month." They can be HUGE argument starters.

The booklet also teaches you to dodge. For instance, any questions about some other girl being pretty or her being fat, must be dodged. The answers are ALWAYS....... "nowhere near as pretty as you".... and "you look lovely in all your outfits. In fact, its hard for me to choose a favorite. Say, have you tried the chocolate I brought you ?"

The key is to say these things just before briskly walking out the door.
Your happiness may depend upon it.

I'd tell you more, but I have an important meeting.

This about sums it up!!!


Welcome 2016


Civilization at the end of 2015 - this is priceless!!!



. Our Phones - Wireless

. Cooking - Fireless

. Cars - Keyless

. Food - Fatless

. Tires -Tubeless

. Youth - Jobless

. Leaders - Shameless

. Relationships - Meaningless

. Attitudes - Careless

. Babies - Fatherless

. Feelings - Heartless

. Children - Mannerless



We are SPEECHLESS,

Government is CLUELESS,

And our Politicians are WORTHLESS!

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
> A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
> Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc:
> 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
> The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

Brand new offering from Andy Borowitz



Seriously, what a sham of an investigation. They didn't even interview Dr. Ford, or another accuser.
They never interviewed Kavanaugh's college roommate.
It seems 5 days was not nearly enough of an investigation, not that I guessed it would be.

Pearls of Wisdom: 1. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 2. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 3. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

See if you can name them all....

A very dear friend of mine consulted a fortune-teller or a clairvoyant yesterday as the uncertainty of the globe put her into a very nervous state.
Well she said the lady told her that the current state of affairs is similar as to when a passenger sitting in a window seat just behind the wing of an aircraft that is flying at 40,000 feet and sees how the wing falls off. Not 2 seconds later the hostess very calmly announces that all passengers should immediately put their head between their legs and kiss their a$$ goodbye.

Needless to say that a couple of men in white coats have taken my friend to what they called a 'nervous' institution where she is currently undergoing sleep therapy.

Hoping to see her fully recovered after ww3.

God willing.

Before anyone asks .
The moral of the story is to stay faar away from any 'fortune-teller'. They know too much.

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

And God said that it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God again said that it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said "That's kind of hard to want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

I whacked it today and I'm not embarrassed to talk about it.
My plans were to drive down to Miami to do laundry and much needed yard work.
As scheduled, I was in the back yard whacking it and no one was looking.
This went on for a few hours with only a break for water and to move wet clothes to the dryer. I was nearly finished whacking it when I heard a neighbor whacking it too!
My tool is a 12" electric 'string trimmer' aka weed whacker and he had a much larger gas powered whacker. Feeling somewhat intimidated at the size of his whacker, I decided to roll up the extension cord and head back into the house to shower.
That's enough whacking for this week...!