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My wife is so lazy, every time I go to have a pee in the sink, it´s full of dirty dishes. What should I do with her?

The original blogger

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead.
Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.
But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe.
Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father.
Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!
Why did ya' not tell me the dog was Catholic?

---

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see
you.




2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's
name.




3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.




4. A dog's parents never visit.




5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point
across.




6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a
day.




7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..




8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.




9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you
get another dog?"





10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them
away.




11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you
a pervert.




12. If a dog
smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They
just think it's interesting.




13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.




14. Dogs won't criticize your driving.



And last, but
not least:



15. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your
stuff.


To test this
fact:

Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you!

From The New Yorker;

I was doing some " thinking"...
What do you think ,do vampires dream...

In the case of an apocalypse,I`d spend the first 20 minutes wondering why the Internet isn`t working...

Do you think my neighbor would mind if I would name my new puppy after his kid...

What if all the Greek sculptures are actually the victims of Medusa ...

My wife is making me muffins...and expects me to lose weight ...how???

My next blog will be about an*l s*x...

In zoos you have sign posts

DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS....

What about sign posts that are so

Like... Don't give alcohol to alcoholics

Have a nice weekend

His name was Eugene and he took some vaccine...
Everything was keen until his skin turned green...
The doctors hadn't see anything like Eugene,
So they cut out his spleen and he began to to get mean.


(more later, I'm off to work)

The blonde had been married about a year. One day she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy. He didn't know how to react, so he started jumping up and down along with her.
"Why are we so happy?" he asked.
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
"Great" he said, "tell me why you're so happy about."
She stopped, breathless from all the jumping up and down "I'm pregnant!" she gasped.
The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for quite a while. He grabbed her, and kissed her
"Wow, that is wonderful," "I couldn't be happier!"
Then she said, "Oh, honey there's more."
"What do you mean more?", he asked.
"Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
He was amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant "How do you know that," he asked.
"It was easy," she said, "I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit. Both tests came out positive!”