Modern day Romeo & Juliet

It was such an animalistic experience, being with him. He was beautiful, inside and out. His soul felt soft and warm, yet cold and scared. His innermost desires were so transparent to me. We connected in a different time, a different place-on a different level, and he knew it. Every fiber of our beings was interconnected when we were together. He made me feel alive again. As alive as I felt, I never knew I could feel so unbeliveably alone at the same time.

We crossed paths for a reason, no doubt. It’s still unclear what exactly that reason was. He had the ability to delve into the intricate inner workings of my mind and fully understand me without having to say a word. He left me speechless.
Sometimes I couldn’t look at him because he saw through my façade and directly into the pain and hurt in my eyes. He hugged me with his eyes, and secretly wished he could take away all my hurt. He felt what I had been through, even though I never uttered a word.

I felt so exposed yet so free at the same time. Someone finally looked at me and silently understood who I was as a person and placed no judgement on me. Oh, how bittersweet life is. Our words made no difference, because time stopped when we were together. We couldn’t be anywhere but in the present moment. It was mystical.

My excitement was short-lived, balanced by the awful feeling brewing in the pit of my stomach. We would never be together, and I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on him. That is what made me feel sad and alone beyond all belief. For a long time I forgot how scary it was to feel such intense emotion. Suppressing my desires was a constant battle of the ego.

How could I be willing to take a leap of faith on someone knowing that my instincts had never let me down in the past? What lesson was he here to teach me? Just as quickly as we understood each other, we became inseparable. Sometimes the body takes on a mind of its own. Sometimes we succumb to our desires in order to temporarily fill a void.

The problem is, you can’t trust someone who can see directly into your soul, but isn’t willing to break down their own walls. Like a chess game, they anticipate your next move, and have their next five moves already plotted out.

This wonderful alliance was predestined to fail, but I was determined to prove fate wrong, and pay the consequences. I deserved something great, and wonderful, and to feel alive again. But who was I kidding?