Feeling Suspended
Somehow I have reached session four of radiation without writing a word.The days, far from being a vast expanse of time with five to ten quiet minutes where radiation pours through my brain first from one side then the other, are packed with so much.
Getting the water pump replaced on my car, rescuing my mother who's fuel pump died thid morning because she dedcided she could wait to have it checked out.
My sister's birthday on Monday.My sister's husband coming down with chicken pox at 57 and not being able to be here for her birthday as chicken pox is not high on the list of things we need added to my particular mix.
The sheer relentless drive that the steroid dose i am taking is putting my system through.I keep going on an energy that is finally starting to get soft around the edges although it revs back up every time I eat and eat i must to fill the cavern that has developed where my stomach used to be. Still no particular preference for food type, but my fluid/salt balance is so off that my cheeks are convex and there is not a line on my skin. Belly bloat too.
A heat wave does not help and I am struggling to keep properly hydrated while eating foods with natural diuretic properties.
It is truly strange times.
Intellectualy I know what is happening in my head, but intellect is not high on my list of attributes at the moment.
Space is. Now a wide blue space where some form of "I' is suspended waiting to see which way is forward,It feels important to be still just now, just wait until some internal trigger says"Let"s go!'
I lie there in the Star Trek room, trying to be open (knowing that it is happenning anyway) letting the tough guys get softened up and kicked to shit while the good guys cheer and hi-five, then get out their brooms and do some clean up.
Then the steroids march in and wash the area down, clearing out inflamation and swelling, patting all the compressed nerve endings in the vrain stem clser to where they are supposed to be, More rounded, fewer kinks.
And then I head back to the car, getting quite agile with my crutch - makes it so much easier to balance as all motor response in my left side is limited to my marvellous bones which work to move me through space and time despite the occasional grumble from flesh that thinks it could maybe just maybe..oh never mind, perhaps next time - and my lovely sister says Next? and I take her out to breakfast amd we do more in four hours than many do in twenty-four.
Home again, I check the time because the meds are easier if I get them spaced evenly if not precisely every six hours. I delight in the fact that I am still cooking - one handed, but like my typing that is improving althoug cutting anything is a challenge when the left hand slithers off any surface it is not glued to for the most part.
And I washed my hair. I promised to be sooo gentle - apparently the skin becomes quite fragile but I could not bear another day of sweat to collect, I would probably rake divots out of my scalp while I was asleep, rather defeating the purpose.
Actually, I think my hair has grown, some weird radiation effect before it all falls out. It is still securely rooted to the scalp but longer. Should fall out next week. My sis and I are starting the pictorial record tomorrow. My face is so totally round buit according to the scale I am only three pounds up after three weeks so veggies etc are working well.
Too many levels going on at once and I feel sleepy so a nap. Life has become very basic,do what I feel myself need. When i feel it.
And radiation tomorrow.
Comments (4)
The way I see it, glowing in the dark is only disadvantageous if one is a criminal, which I know you are not!!
Take care, lady!! And keep us posted!
J & D