Today's stuff...

My sister is amazing. She has some of my favorite sparkling apple juice on ice to celebrate my final nuking on Thursday.

It had not actually occurred to me to celebrate because starting today i start a twelve day cycle taking me off the steroids, so I had not actually got my head around that i will have achieved a goal.

in fact there is a large part of me that does not seem to have any ambition beyond the next nap, a result of the radiotherapy combined with the incedible surges of energy from the meds perhaps. My body seems to have taken over in some odd ways. It has definite opinions on what I eat, how much and when.

In the supermarket right now my hand shops by colour, greens and reds jump into the basket, fresh crisp okras are particularly appealing apparently, and I have noticed that all the meals i cook contain all the flavours that ayurvedic patterns recommend.

Suddenly sugar is a once a day affair instead of a craving I resist in an effort to contain steroid weight gain - still holding at three tp four pounds up over four weeks now.

This morning I was so frustrated i yellled there is no freaking way i am going out of the house dressed like this! For everything twisted and caught up on the left side and the effort to get things into place drenched my carefully showered self with sweat again. The hardest thing about the shower is every time i close my eyes I start to sway and every time i wap into someting. i bruise.

Earlier in the kitchen I knocked the bottle of bleach off the counter and watched it fall onto my foot that could not avoid it. Although it doesn actually hurt much it has bloomed a dusty grey blue and i noticed a couple of people remarking the number and apparent severity of my bruises. I truly do look battered!

As i am also still doing some prgramming at home - managed to set myself up an effective isolation area so i record in the wee hours then ,when the rest of the world is heading off to work, edit and assemble so the new dvd review program is going out each week and the client is happy - but today I think, no, I know,I pushed a bit too much because the thought of anything more energetic than blinking feels like too much. Not a feeling I can EVER remember feeling before.

So two more shots of radiation, down from ten. Some of my fellow sojourners have 25 or more sessions to go, but the brain does not take so much especially whole brain as mine is.

And apparently a lot of the actual effects are only just beginning to happen and will continue to develop over the next couple of weeks thus the brief hiatus before scouring my system with amazingly toxic chemicals.

My cousin who had chemo two years ago thinks i will find it really tough but I have teeth drilled without anaesthetic because I dislike needles so tough is a ver individual thing. I certainly am not expecting to be saying mmm mmm good! but until the third week I will probably be fine, drinking extra water to keep flushed, supporting my immune system and resting (!) as much as i need.

Well, that is today's plan anyway, I will probably have another one in two weeks.

Time for a cup of PG Tips tea and a digestive biscuit. I am this eating machine at times and the hunger is like ablack hole that descends and demands supplies, it is best to just give in or I get really edgy and feel trapped, not good and not necessary when both tea and biscuits are just in the kitchen!