My Beard

My beard has been growing steadily in recent weeks.

That, in itself, is probably not the most interesting sentence you have read today. (If it is, may I suggest getting out of the house a little more. Gardening, for example, passes the time quite nicely and is relatively inexpensive.)

But wait! There is more.....

As my beard grows steadily longer, I'm beginning to notice a hitherto absent abundance of GINGER hairs. They're emerging from under my chin like meerkats popping their cheeky little heads out from the depths of their Kalahari Desert burrows.

Now, this wouldn't ordinarily be a problem. However, a good friend of mine, my best friend, in fact, is ginger.

I know, I know, this wouldn't ordinarily be a problem either. The combination of the two, however, is deadly.

Growing up, I would constantly make jokes about his gingerness. Gingarity? Gingerosity? Gingerociousness? Ginge? I don't know the noun, but that is besides the point.

You have to understand that it was done in the best humour and I'm not a horrible person, like gingers.

You see what I did there? Only messing.

Now, I'm really afraid that when I see my friend, he's going to notice my ever-so-slight ginger flecks. How can I deal with it? All those years of gibes. All those disparaging, throw-away comments. Those witty, ginger-based one-liners. He's going to throw them right back in my face. My face which is also now a bit ginger.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking:

"What a crap blog this is, why did he waste my time?"

Or if you're not thinking that, you might well be thinking:

"Why not just shave it off?"

Well, a man's beard (once well established, cultivated and maintained) becomes an extension of himself. He draws strength from it. He shields himself from the world with it. Intimidates other males with it. Sometimes he even, admittedly unintentionally, stores food there.

I would refer anyone who suggested simply 'cutting it off' to the story of Samson.

As you can clearly see. This is quite the dilemma for me. Any and all advice will be much appreciated.