PERSONAL MEMENTOS, HOW VALUABLE ARE THEY?

This blog is a little deviation from my usual one and it is very personal. It is about salvaging the memories by keeping photos of my past. My life as documented on those lovely pictures which were secured until three months ago.

Today, I just found out what happened to them and it led to my most unbelievable never before happened anger. I have become so vile, so violent (with no one but myself alone in my room) so hateful, so mad and so unreal. I never thought I can capably be this person, and for a moment, it led me to thinking that we, humans, are indeed so flawed and so destructive when we lost control. When we are triggered with the most unusual emotions brought about by some kind of betrayal and deceit.

This is the point of my blog. The friendship that I thought was built upon trust and love and respect..The friendship that started 40 years ago from College.

I don't have so many close friends. In fact I only have about three that I consider truly as my friends whom I maintain communication, being a confidant and truly there when you need them.. What a mistake. What a very widely misconceived perception. What a revelation.

Having been raised as a very respectful and humble person from a very poor but loving family, I do know that I possess civility, politeness and professionalism as required by the code of conduct as a College professor for a very long time. Trained to be always slow to anger, be diplomatic and be always objective at whatever challenges and or issues pertaining to any misunderstanding and or differences with others. In short, I would much rather avoid aggressive persons than engage and or face them head on. That is why I so believe in the Golden Rule and the provisions of DESIDERATA. But today, it all flew out the window. All those years of training. All the efforts of calculated discipline. All the merits of good conduct and behavior all went KAPUT. SIPPO, NADA.

Today I became the most hateful, cynical, irrational. and animal so out of control with no trace of kindness, humility and understanding as I have always been throughout my life. Today I was totally consumed by anger that eventually turned to sorrow and pain. The betrayal I felt was so deep and so beyond healing.

So I used to live in a very big house, which the last one, lost in the economic meltdown (2008), as most of our asset and investment that could have made me retire in 2010 and donate my time to the UN's program of Humanitarian services relative to poverty and hunger. Well I changed so much from that awful loss and experience and eventually triggered my divorce after being happily married for 25 years. I never knew what happiness truly was, until that divorce. Not that I wasn't happy then, it's just that being institutionalized in the supposedly blessings and holy sacrament of marriage, I found out, what a beautiful world there is after so long. Being alone and free. Being able to do things without any obligation towards anyone as to how you spend your time. Anyways, don't get me wrong, I would be married again, if so needed but for right now, I truly am happy. Being single and alone, free.

Anyways, where was this going to? Here you go. So I got rid of everything. So much, even the most expensive furniture ordered from Italy, that covered three living rooms, 4 bedrooms and three bath rooms, poof went to the goodwill all those that were not sold in the moving sale. Except for my own bedroom set which I still have and my suits and shoes..and dining table. .Bottom line, from that to a little room I now have, living with my middle daughter, who wanted me to live with her so I can help in my grand son and some expenses in the rent.

Continues on the comment. Thanks..