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A part of me will always feel this deep and utter loss. A part of me will never heal, for it is deadened by pain and grief. I was only a child, growing into a woman, when I was told my mother had passed away.
My birthdays have never been the same, for she died 10 days before I turned 18. A part of me died that day along with her. I felt cheated, angered, nobody understood. My dad never expressed emotion and would always be sure we would never do the same. Everytime I would get emotional I would run to my room, as to not show my tears.
Emotions are a part of who I am, it expresses my true self. For deep within I have this desire to have a family, but would never cross the boundries, nor have I found a willing partner willing to wait and respect me for who I am and what I stand for.
I often tell others to be thankfull if they are fortunate to still have their mothers or fathers around. I still have my dad and thank God everyday. My dad was never into saying I love you, so I don't express it with him as if I would if my mom were still around. I often tell her I love her and miss her when I am feeling sad and alone.
She will always live within my heart, but I need to learn to let part of her go so I can move on with my life. She knows the desires of my heart, and I know she is looking down upon me now and smiling. If she could talk to me I know she would tell me everything is going to be just fine, and the best is yet to come so await for it's arrival for your miricle is soon to be.
Lots of love and goodnight to all, and may you have a blessed week ahead.

This, an old saying I have come to realise most people don't get the meaning of. Often in relationships when things aren't the same and have changed for the worst, when couples are fighting or feeling like calling it quits, people miss seeing that its over. They mostly wait for the situation to get bad, for their broken hearts to get torn for before realising it's over. That is where the saying it's not over till it's over comes in. Can't we people leave before we hurt ourselves? Why not quit at it when it starts to hurt or change? Why do we as humans always try to find reasons to stay in unhealthy relationship? I haven't done it, am too (windgat) selfish for it.

as replies to a geniune kind text on here cost nothing i find it incredible that it must be below some people to have the courtesy to do so!! And I thought that it was supposed to be us men that were the more commonly rude or ignorant of the two sexes....

come join me we will fight the pain and destroy the anger fight through the rivers tame the lions this is for us will fight through these storms this curse will be cure so fight whatever you believe in

i am just new in dis wanderful site,I dont have much to say dan say im looking for my wife i need her as soon as she find me or i find her,please i am not joking...

some days i just want to scream out the way i feel im so ready to be with my love im ready hold her love her always

To become a monk or nun may be another kind of death, or another kind of reborn. To kill ourselves may seem a little selfish, but we have the right to do so. And to die naturally may be the best way---We face it with smile.

Grandpa first talked about death yesterday. Days ago he suddennly vomited and fainted at midnight and was sent to hospital. He is in Hong Kong, so we can’t go there immediately. Yesterday he left hospital safely. When I called him, he laughed and talked about death: “I am 82, every minute, every second I may leave…”

He laughed. And I laughed. I shouldn’t laugh, but I didn’t know why I laughed at that time. Maybe because he laughed, maybe because I didn’t know what to say—It was his first time to talk about death, and it was my first time to hear such an old man talk about death.

And yesterday was our Dragon Boat Festival. Dragon Boat Festival is on May 5(the lunar calendar) to many Chinese people, but to us, it is on May 1(the lunar calendar). Dragon Boat Festival, thousands of years ago, Qu Yuan jumped into the river to kill himself, so formed the Dragon Boat Festival.

He chose to kill himself. I don’t think people can be reborn, but he did give birth to this festival, and moreover, give birth to a spirit that has been existing for thousands of years.

And in modern time, another woman chose to kill herself. Iris Chang, the writer who wrote “The Rape of Nanking”, killed herself several years ago. I don’t have courage to read her book, but here cite a sentence to her photo comment: “With her grand parents’ stories and no justice, no wonder she had a nervous break down.”

Yep, maybe it is a release for some of them. If we are struggling, suffering, torturing, especially in spirit, not in material; if we know things clearly, know the reality clearly, but find no way to change things, then to kill ourselves is a release. But it also means the end of our world---Yes, the sun will still rise next day, but we will never be able to see it.

And some choose to become a monk or nun. It is said that Leslie Cheung didn’t kill himself. Some people saw him become a monk in a monastery in some remote mountains. And it is said that Joey Wong has also become a nun. Both of them have won so much fame and gain, maybe both of them have seen through the nabobism and vicissitudes of life, and maybe both of them can be reborn by leaving the city life, becoming a monk or nun.

I used to think that grandpa did not love me, for some family reason. But now I know that he loves me the most. For some reasons, those grandchildren he used to love deeply disappoint him a lot or even hurt him, and I don’t know from what time, I become his pride.

I know his wishes. He wishes me to go to Hong Kong, to visit him; he wishes he can see me marry a good man; he wishes to see my book published---at a time when he is still alive.

But who knows how long it will take!

I just walked past a guy that didn't look good at all, but he smelled sexy and fresh. Now who would you go out for a day with? A potential lover that looked good or one that smelled good? I know the trick could be that the one that smells great may stop wearing cologne and stay frampy but as good as he smelled I'd be confused?

I just walked past a guy that didn't look good at all, but he smelled sexy and fresh. Now who would you go out for a day with? A potential lover that looked good or one that smelled good? I know the trick could be that the one that smells great may stop wearing cologne and stay frampy but as good as he smelled I'd be confused?

One of the most tragic things i know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today....