Blogs (62,498)

People employed in the health care delivery areas could use them to wipe noses and asses and clean up puke. After work they can go straight to a dance or nightclub fully prepared.
If these techniques don't seem to bear fruit at first keep on trying! Perseverance pays off.

Don't be afraid to lower your expectations somewhat. If you find you can't get that $60 thousand dollar a year job you had your sights on maybe you should aim for something somewhat more modest.

Consider opportunities in advertising or vacuum cleaner sales. There is always a demand for people who can wash dishes or cars, shovel slop on a pig farm or drive a taxi or deliver advertising materials. Some of these jobs can be very rewarding.

Give some thought to starting your own business if you think you have what it takes. Keep in mind that most small businesses don't last. Here are just a few ideas for excellent small businesses that can be started with next to zero start-up capital:



Sell flowers, chocolate bars, apples or pencils at the mall or on a street corner.

Find a grocery store that forces people to pay a quarter to obtain a shopping cart. After people have loaded their groceries into their vehicles offer to take their shopping carts back to the shopping cart coral. You keep the quarter.

Find a beer store and stand by the door. Open the door for customers coming and going. Have a paper cup handy.

Sell dope.
I had a job once where I would interview a random sampling of people to get information about their labour market participation. A number of respondents were welfare recipients.

One of the questions the respondents were asked was, "Have you done anything to find work in the last x weeks or so." Many of the respondents answered "No." If they answered "No," they would then be asked why not. Here are some of the reasons respondents gave for not seeking work. I have included some advice for circumventing these obstacles should any of these responses match your own thinking on the issue.


Answer: I don't have enough education.


Don't have enough education for what? To look for a job or to obtain a position in the upper reaches of the corporate hierarchy? God grant me the wisdom to know the difference it says in a well known prayer. Face it. If you can't program your digital watch it's unlikely you'll find work in the Management Information Systems division of some corporation. However, you ought to be able to wash dishes in a Chinese restaurant.
Don't know how to write a proper will or power of attorney? Then law is probably out of the question. Lower your sights a wee bit. Maybe you could learn to operate a spray gun and get a job in a car wash.


Answer: I have a bad back


So do millions of people who have jobs. Avoid seeking the kinds of jobs that require a strong back. If you have a bad back then working for a furniture moving company is probably a bad idea. Consider instead going into security work.

Answer: I don't have a car to get to the interviews.

Many people who don't have a job find they don't have a lot of other things. Like cars. Unless you have rich parents or benefactors you need to put the cart back in front of the horse. First you get the job. Then you buy a car.

Answer: I don't have cab fare to get to the interviews.


Try taking a bus.

Answer: I don't have bus fare.


Walk.

Answer: I don't have any shoes.


Try wrapping banana peels around your feet.

Answer: The last job I had was physically very hard. In order to ensure my body had enough fuel to keep up with the physical demands of the job I had to spend my entire paycheque on food. There was no money left over for anything else. (No, this did not come from one of the survey respondents, it came from an acquaintance of mine explaining why he had recently quit his job.)


That's just a pile of freaking bs and you know it.

Answer: I don't know where the jobs are.


There are thousands of job vacancies out there. You can find them listed in the classified section of your local newspaper, on the internet and posted in government employment centers. Here are just a few examples of the wonderful employment opportunities advertised:

Truck driver helper. Move furniture. $8 per hour.

Multi Level Marketing - Someone trying to sell you something pretends he is looking to hire you. If you buy whatever crap he's selling, like phone cards, or herbal supplements, or knives, or life insurance or internet advertising you turn around and try to sell the same shit to someone else by pretending you want to hire them.

Security guard (courier, pizza delivery driver etc) - car required - gas provided. You work for close to minimum wage but you have to drive your own car all over Hell's half acre to get to the job sites. You think you are getting paid but you aren't supposed to realize that the wear and tear you are putting on your vehicle will eventually consume most of your earnings.
I met a guy who told me he drove his own car for a courier company for $7.00 per hour. They would pay for his gas. He would put about 400 kilometers on his car in a shift. Estimating that it cost's roughly 40 cents a kilometer to operate a vehicle these days this job was costing him about $160 per shift so he could earn $56 back. After about three months the guy quit the courier job.

Then the bills starting rolling in for car repairs. He had to sink about $3000 into his car practically rebuilding it. If he worked at this job for three months (about twelve weeks) for $7 per hour for a 40 hour week he would have been earning about $280 per week (before taxes and other deductions) or about $3360 over the whole twelve weeks. Subtract the three grand he had to sink into auto repairs and he is left with a grand total of $360. Wow! All of that however would likely have been scooped up by the tax-man so this guy was quite literally working for nothing.

Even if he got to keep the $360 his actual hourly pay for twelve weeks works out to $360 divided by (twelve weeks times forty hours per week) equals $360 divided by 480 hours for a princely wage of $.75 (seventy five cents) per hour.Well, try to look at it this way.... think of all the bananas you can buy for your weekly thirty bucks!

thursday i hurt my back lifting stuff .. i've always had intermittent minor back pain, but it was really bad thursday and on friday it got worse, and on saturday it got even worse, it was so bad on saturday i couldn't believe how bad it got come sunday, until monday that is when it was even worse than it had been before. Then i got a headache, and finally went to urgent care at the end of the day. Then the headache got even worse on tuesday so i went to the emergency ward at noon. by wednesday, the headache was so bad i forgot all about the back pain and went to the morgue.

and that freaking character downstairs keeps on hammering that nail back up through the damned floor. I keep stepping on it in my bare feet. This is really starting to hurt. What's he trying to do down there anyway? Hang a picture on the freaking ceiling?

monday, i went to work at 8 and left at 9:30 because it was really bad.. and I was all out of booze and serzone. today, tuesday, i went in at 8 and went home right away, unable to do anything.

i slept most of the day yesterday, thought i got a lot of rest... but by morning i was in a hot, sweaty chill (the only thing i can compare it to is the withdrawal sweats, parts of my body very hot and parts very cold) and my back was hurting, and my head also aching as it has all weekend.

and that freaking character downstairs keeps on playing that freaking classical music.... "Everybody Loves Somebody" and "Do You Know The Way To San Jose" over and over again.

man I could use a drink right now. the case of beer i bought thursday with the quart of rum was gone before I even got to work.

so today when my usual doc's office opens at 10:15, i'm going to call for an appointment. i just don't know what to say when i get to the office. i am on a prescription for chloroform and valium.. i just started the chloroform and have been taking it faithfully for a few weeks (so it will show up if he tests for it i guess) and i ran out of my 30 10mg valiums a couple of days ago. i'm pretty sure this isn't benzo withdrawal btw.. on friday the urgent care clinic doctor told me to rest and gave me cyclobenzaprine and percocet. i'm out of both of those, too.

Uncle Block Replies:

it sounds like you may have a bowel problem. try eating more fibre.
i wouldn't worry about work if you are an american. just threaten your employer with a lawsuit under the americans with disabilities act. this should scare them into providing "reasonable accomodation" measures.... like that couch and well stocked fridge.

as far as your trouble with the landlord goes, try plugging up the toilet with toilet paper. then give it a few flushes so it overflows and floods his apartment. maybe you can get him to move out.

if that doesn't work go to the market and buy a great big fish. then sneak down the basement and tie the fish inside one of the heating supply ducts. once the fish starts to decompose it should really start to stink the place up. 'course, you'll probably smell it too but with all of your other problems what's a little rotten fish smell... you could pretend you are living in baltimore.

Note: to baltimorians, please don't take offense, but it's the first thing i think of when i think of baltimore. decades ago i was driving around baltimore trying to buy a tent. i couldn't figure out why everywhere i went reeked of rotting fish until i noticed i was driving behind a garbage truck with a bunch of huge fish carcasses hanging out the back. Yuk.

You ever noticed that when you say that something or someone is upset, you can also say that something is pissed off?

Well, when you say that your stomach is not feeling well, you would say that your stomach is upset. You never say that your stomach is pissed off.

Well except for me of course See, there is a difference. Your stomach has different ways of hurting, like when you need to vomit, or when you have done too many sit-ups, or mainly, when you are HUNGRY!!

See, when I feel nauseated, I would say that my stomach is upset, just like anybody else would say, but when I'm HUNGRY, watch out!!!! Because my stomach is pissed off.

It's coming to get you. If I was poor, that's exactly how I would say it, "Man, we don't have any money, can't buy any food, yet along eat any breakfast. Just pissing my stomach all off man!"

and it has been a long time since that has happened. I actually wrote to someone that their 'youthful arrogance is boring'. And it was. I am usually more polite but after a surfeit of labels tossed around the threads and comments over the last few days and then faced with utter, frothing-at-the-mouth nonsense in my mailbox I tossed a label myself, totally allowed my anger to reach out instead of sitting with it. It's always been a mistake to tell me what I feel and what I am thinking...there is only one authority on me and if you don't live in my skin talk about what YOU feel and think. Or ASK me what I think. Arrogance indeed.

Further, I don't care how valid a point you may be making there is never any reason to insult other posters. Especially when your premise is off topic as well. By all means say what burns in you to be said but stop trying to make apples into oranges while you are doing it; start a thread and keep negative personal remarks for email. My opinion.

Just watched Notes on a Scandal, Judi Dench & Cate Blanchett. Heartwrenchingly lonely people who are incredibly flawed. Great performances, not a great movie. Got something frothy and silly lined up for the second feature and then to sleep, perchance to dream of pillow fights. Or Hugh Jackman.

Visst kan man anta att det är vanligare för män än kvinnor att vilja synas med en snygging. Men nog skulle jag hellre dra runt på stan med en man som får kvinnorna att gå in i lyktstolpar än en som man skjuter barnvagnen långt bort ifrån (ni vet, den där smått vansinniga looken en del män har som bara är obehaglig). Fast egentligen, eftersom vi knappast kommer ut ur sovrummet om jag får som jag vill så spelar ju bara en persons åsikt roll... MIN! Lol

Coffee coffee every where. Where would you like to have coffee I like coffee so you know. So iam looking for a coffee date in Belleville Ontario. Come for coffee ladys.

Days keep on passing or so it seems. I wake, I sleep, I wake again to another dawn, another day numbered and named so I can know when I am...as if I didn't know time is an illusion, illustration in a children's story book to keep us from the bigger questions. There are questions, are there not? I have a skin with nerves that seek to know the texture and the temperature of all things, I have eyes that blink and squeeze light - what is light?- into shapes that fit to words I know or knew or am related to. Ah so weary now - what is weary?- a buzzing behind my head, inside my head, perhaps a sneeze echoing through empty chambers in the bone, perhaps the subtle push of some invader trailing rude fingers through the private paths of my being. Maybe just a nightmare. One of us is real. I just wish I was sure it is me.