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Ive been on here for quite some time now, and id have to say that im surprised at the lack of response (none whatsoever) that i have recieved from the ladies on here. Yeah most of you are probably thinking that im a huge loser and thats why. (i dunno, see for yourself). Come on girls!!

I am fustrated today.

I am having ISSUES with the snow globes and patrice my moms boyfriend soon to be married.

I think maybe my girlfriend is piss at me she saids she is going to move to irand, and leave to united stats and maybe take her sun with her but not me.

i go to a new bar now called starlights because the other bar has too much drama and people talk about me behind my back.

I am happy tomorow is pay day, but i have to give my mom 100 for rent for the other house that keeth sherbert and macfarland live in.

I feel very sad today. I miss my old freinds at my old job when I rode the bobcat.

Is a very bad day

76. FREEZING BODY PARTS OF UNWELCOME VISITORS IN YOUR OFFICE – INVERT THE CAN, AIM AT BODY PART AND SQUEEZE WHILE INFORMING THE USER THAT YOU DON’T TAKE WALK-IN REQUESTS. IF REPEATED WITH SUFFICIENT FREQUENCY AND CONSISTENCY THIS SHOULD ELICIT A PAVLOVIAN RESPONSE AND CREATE AN AVERSION TO NOT FOLLOWING THE CORRECTION PROCEDURE FOR SUBMITTING A HELP TICKET.
77. COOLING SOLDER.
78. REMOVING CHEWED OFF FINGERNAILS FROM KEYBOARD.
79. CLEANING PIERCINGS.
80. MAKING OBNOXIOUS ARMPIT NOISES – INSERT STRAW IN ARMPIT, SQUEEZE ARM TO SIDE OF BODY AND PRESS TRIGGER.
81. EXPELLING ANTS FROM YOUR WORK AREA.
82. COOLING YOUR COFFEE IN A CAFFEINE EMERGENCY.
83. REMOVING IRRITANTS FROM BRA WITHOUT HAVING TO DISROBE.
84. EJECTING THE FLUFF FROM BETWEEN TOES WHILE AVOIDING ACTUAL CONTACT.
85. COOLING SKIN WITHIN A CAST.
86. AS AN AIR-BRUSH PROPELLANT.
87. PLAYING THE ENGLISH GAME OF “BLOW FOOTBALL” – TRADITIONALLY PLAYED BY BLOWING THROUGH STRAWS, BUT EXPEDITIOUS USE OF CANNED AIR MAKES FOR LONGER AND MORE CHALLENGING GAMES WITH REDUCED RISK OF ASPHYXIATION.
88. RIDDING INFREQUENTLY USED POWER SUPPLIES OF BROWN RECLUSE SPIDERS (THIS HAPPENED…).
89. COOLING YOUR FEET OFF WITHOUT HAVING TO REMOVE SOCKS OR SHOES – INSERT STRAW IN SOCK AND SQUEEZE TRIGGER. BE WARNED THAT THIS HAS THE ADDED BONUS OF LIBERALLY DISTRIBUTING BODY ODOR IF YOU SUFFER FROM THIS PROBLEM (THIS ALSO APPLIES TO 5).
90. ADDING FOAM TO HOT CHOCOLATE.
91. LOCATING PRECISELY WHICH TOOTH IT IS THAT HAS BECOME COLD SENSITIVE.
92. PAINTING WITH HOT AND COLD.
93. BLASTING THE CRUD OUT OF MICE.
94. THE INCREDIBLE GROWING PUTTY BALL.
95. FIRING SMALL MISSILES.
96. SURPRISING A NAPPING CAT.
97. CONFUSING TELEMARKETERS – NOT AS EFFECTIVE AS AN AIR HORN, BUT STILL QUITE ALARMING.
98. DRYING SKATE BEARINGS.
99. CLEARING SINUSES (DON’T TRY THIS).
100. INFLATING BALLOONS.
101. QUICK-DRYING PLAYDOH® SCULPTURES OF MINIATURE DONKEYS MADE AT DESK ON SLOW DAYS.

37. INDOOR MODEL ROCKETRY: TAKE ONE OF THOSE HANDY LITTLE FILM CANISTERS NORMALLY USED FOR HOLDING CASE SCREWS - TAPE ROCKET STYLE FINS TO THE CANISTER. IMPORTANT: THE FAT END OF THE FINS MUST BE AT THE OPEN END OF THE CANISTER. WHILE HOLDING THE CANISTER OPEN END UP INVERT THE CANNED AIR AND SPRAY INTO THE CANISTER FOR SEVERAL SECONDS CREATING A 1/8 INCH DEEP POOL OF PROPELLANT. IMMEDIATELY PLACE THE CAP ON THE CANISTER AND PLACE CAP DOWN ON ANY LEVEL SURFACE. IN A MATTER OF MOMENTS THE "INDOOR ROCKET" IS LAUNCHED AT EXTREMELY HIGH SPEED INTO THE AIR / CEILING TILES / BOSS’S OFFICE.
38. SUPPORT THE WIND POWER INDUSTRY BY KEEPING THE TURBINES GOING WHENEVER THE WIND DROPS.
39. SPRAY LIBERALLY TO COOL THE AIR WHEN GLOBAL WARMING HEATS IT.
40. SPRAY LIBERALLY TO WARM THE AIR WHEN GLOBAL WARMING PRODUCES UNUSUALLY COLD WEATHER.
41. BLOWING BUBBLES; SIMPLY INSERT INTO THE LITTLE BOTTLE AND ZILLIONS OF BUBBLE APPEAR FROM NOWHERE.
42. EMERGENCY CAN OF AIR FOR FISH TANK, WHEN THE FISH TANK PUMP BREAKS DOWN.
43. HELP BLOW MILK OUT OF YOU NOSE.
44. SHOOT PAPER WADS OUT OF STRAW.
45. PLAY AIR HOCKEY AT MCDONALDS WITH TRIANGLE STRAW.
46. TURN PAGES IN YOUR SMART COMPUTING MAGAZINE.
47. CREATING DUST DEVILS – INSERT INTO BAG OF POWDERED SUGAR AND LET IT RIP.
48. EMERGENCY OUTBOARD MOTOR.
49. DEFEATHERING NOISY PARAKEETS.
50. CHOCOLATE MILK STIRRER.
51. BLOW IT IN THE FACE OF YOUR DOG TO CREATE THE ILLUSION OF HANGING HEAD OUT OF WINDOW WHILE DRIVING.
52. BLOW IN YOUR CAT’S FACE SO SHE CAN PRETEND SHE IS BEING CHASED BY THE DOG IN THE CAR.
53. FORCING SAND FURTHER INTO SENSITIVE MACHINERY TO INCREASE WEAR FACTOR.
54. COOLING DOWN THE ARM PITS, ESPECIALLY WHEN HOT AND WET.
55. SINCE THE CANNED AIR DOESN'T CONTAIN AIR, BUT SOME HEAVIER THAN AIR GAS -- IT CAN BE USED TO MAKE "HEAVY BALLOONS" THAT FALL TO THE GROUND LIKE BRICKS. SURE TO AMAZE YOUR COWORKERS!
56. IRRITATE NEXT DOOR’S PIT BULL.
57. SEE JUST HOW BIG YOU CAN INFLATE A BULL FROG BEFORE IT POPS.
58. TURN THE PAGES ON A CALENDAR ONCE A MONTH.
59. WIN EVERY TIME PLAYING BALLOON-KEEP-UP.
60. THERE ARE A LOT OF MACHINES IN THE LAB AND THE WHITE NOISE TENDS TO LULL TIRED TECHNICIANS TO SLEEP. A SQUIRT OF CANNED AIR TO THE EAR WAKES 'EM RIGHT UP!
61. HUMANE FLY SWATTER.
62. A VERY SHORT SHOT OF AIR WILL FORCE INK INTO A REFILLED CARTRIDGE. INSERT IN FILL HOLE, COVER WITH PAPER TOWEL AND GIVE A BURST. INK WILL FLOW FROM THE JET NOZZLE OF THE CARTRIDGE. TOO MUCH AIR WILL MAKE A MESS!
63. USE TO BLOW OUT WINDSHIELD WIPER HOSE.
64. TAPE CAN TO MODEL BOAT, THEN TAPE DOWN NOZZLE AND PUT IN WATER.
65. USE A LOT OF CASES OF AIR TO BLOW OFF LEAVES FROM YARD.
66. BLOW OUT RAIN GUTTERS.
67. BLOW BUBBLES IN BATH WATER.
68. IRRITATE WASPS.
69. HELP GET KITES OFF THE GROUND.
70. BLOW SAND INTO YOUR BROTHER’S SHORTS.
71. INSERT INTO FRONT OF PANTS AND COOL DOWN.
72. AS A FISHING AID: USE THE CANNED AIR TO SAIL THE LINE OUT.
73. KEEPING THE CAT OFF OF THE SOFA.
74. CHILL A PITCHER OF TEA, PUT CAN INTO TEA AND PULL TRIGGER.
75. IF YOU HAVE NOTHING BUT A WARM CAN OF SODA AND THE ICE TRAY IS EMPTY, YOU CAN FREEZE THE WATER IN THE BOTTOM OF A PAPER CUP...INVERT THE CAN AND SPRAY INSIDE THE CUP.

1. USE ALONG WITH MILK TO CREATE A FAKE CAPPUCCINO.
2. ADDED INCENTIVE DURING "ROACH RACES."
3. INSTANT METHANE REMOVAL FROM OFFICE OR CUBICLE.
4. CAN BE USED TO RE-CREATE THAT "GREAT NORTHEASTERN WIND A BLOWIN" WHEN CALLING CLIENTS.
5. A QUICK AND SOMETIMES EFFICIENT WAY TO GIVE YOURSELF THAT "HARRIED" LOOK AT THE OFFICE – TO BE AVOIDED BY TOUPEE WEARERS.
6. HAVING A BAD HAIR DAY? THEN SLAP SOME WATER ON YOUR HEAD, SMOOTH YOUR HAIR AND DRY IT WITHOUT HAVING TO BEND OVER TO GET TO THE HAND DRYER.
7. QUICK BURN RELIEF: USE SPARINGLY, OR YOU'LL END UP WITH FREEZER BURN, TOO.
8. DOG TRAINING – IT’S BETTER THAN WHISTLING.
9. CAT REMOVAL – A QUICK PSSSSSSSSSSSST IS GUARANTEED TO SCARE EVEN THE TOUGHEST ALLEY CAT.
10. CLEANING THE LINT BUILDUP OUT OF YOUR NAVEL ON REALLY SLOW DAYS. AND WHY IS THE LINT ALWAYS BLUE?
11. AIM AT THE TOP OF THE CUBICLE CABINET TOWARD THE PERSON ON THE OTHER SIDE TO MOVE DUST AND OTHER MISCELLANEOUS DEBRIS TO WHERE IT RIGHTLY BELONGS.
12. USE THE COOLING NATURE OF CANNED AIR TO HEAT UP YOUR OFFICE IN THE COLD WINTER MONTHS. JUST SPRAY THE THERMOSTAT WITH A HEALTHY SHOT OF CANNED AIR, AND WAIT FOR THE HEAT TO KICK IN!
13. WHILE CAN IS BEHIND YOUR BACK, FOLLOW SOMEONE INTO THE ELEVATOR AND A GOOD, LONG BLAST, THEN LOOK AROUND EXCITEDLY EXCLAIMING THAT YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE THIS WAY.
14. GIVE A WHISTLE THE ENERGY IT NEEDS TO CONVINCE YOUR BOSS THE EVACUATION ALARM SOUNDED.
15. CONSERVE TREES BY BLOWING THE SEEDS AND EXCREMENT FROM THE BOTTOM OF BIRD CAGES, THUS SAVING THE PAPER FOR FURTHER USAGE.
16. CLEAN THE CRUMBS FROM A BUCKET SEAT.
17. DON'T HANDLE THEM DIRECTLY - BLOW THE DUST OFF THOSE MOUSE BALLS!
18. EAR WAX REMOVAL. PLACE THREE DROPS OF WARM SALT WATER IN THE EAR CANAL. ALLOW TO SET FOR ONE MINUTE. HOLD AIR-STRAW TWO INCHES FROM EAR CANAL, BLOW... SEE IF YOU CAN HIT SOMEONE WITH THE FLYING WAX.
19. BLOWING LIQUID THROUGH A STRAW. WITH THE USE OF COMPRESSED AIR, THE LIQUID CAN BE BLOWN FURTHER. WITH THE USE OF 1/2" DIAMETER PLASTIC TUBING, AND A MIDNIGHT TUBE-RUNNING OFFICE VISIT, IT CAN BE BLOWN ON UNSUSPECTING CO-WORKERS FROM BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.
20. REV UP THAT GRILL: STAND BACK ABOUT TWO FEET AND REV UP YOUR CHARCOAL GRILL FIRE WITH A FEW BLOWS!
21. BLOWING UP SKIRTS À LA MARILYN MONROE.
22. WART REMOVAL: INVERT CAN, SPRAY TO FREEZE WART.
23. FREEZE GUM THAT IS STUCK IN THE CARPET OR UPHOLSTERY AND THEN REMOVE WITH A PUTTY KNIFE.
24. REMOVING CATS FROM KEYBOARDS.
25. REMOVING ANNOYING NON-IT COWORKERS (THEY USUALLY THINK IT’S SOME SORT OF HARMFUL CHEMICAL).
26. REMOVING TOILET WATER FROM A CELL PHONE DROPPED THERE BY MY 16-YEAR-OLD.
27. PAPERWEIGHT – PARTICULARLY USEFUL WHILE USING ANOTHER CAN TO DUST DESK.
28. ON SLOW DAYS, DRAW A SHUFFLEBOARD DIAGRAM ON A TABLETOP; USE CANNED AIR TO SHOOT BOTTLE CAPS TO SCORE.
29. CANNED AIR IS PERFECT FOR CLEANING THE CUT WHISKERS OUT OF YOUR ELECTRIC RAZOR.
30. CLEANING RESIDUE FROM COFFEE GRINDER.
31. BLOWING EXCESS CHEESE OUT OF YOUR MAC ‘N CHEESE.
32. INFLATING UNDERSTUFFED RAVIOLI TO CREATE THE ILLUSION OF OVERSTUFFED.
33. PUT A FROTH OF FOAM ON YOUR COFFEE, AND IT’S CHEAPER THAN STARBUCKS.
34. TURN THE CAN UPSIDE DOWN AND QUICKLY COOL YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF JELL-O AFTER BOILING IT IN THE MICROWAVE. PARTICULARLY EFFECTIVE FOR GREEN JELL-O.
35. ALSO GREAT FOR THAT HALF-BOTTLE OF MOUNTAIN DEW ON THE CORNER OF THE DESK WHEN YOU JUST WON’T DRINK IT WARM.
36. FILL CAN WITH MILDLY PRESSURIZED, PURIFIED AIR (NOTHING BUT 78% N2, 21% O2, 0.94% AR2, 0.03% CO2 AND A 0.03% MIX OF OTHER NATURAL ELEMENTAL GASES). THIS RESULTS IN A COLORLESS AND ODORLESS MIXTURE. THEN, WHENEVER YOU TIRE OF THE SMELL AND POISONS OF POLLUTION, JUST SPRAY THE PURE AIR IN YOUR FACE AND BREATHE DEEP!

Just to give some more insight into us Southern girls:

Football Season:
North vs. South

WOMEN'S ATTIRE
Up North: Chapstick in their back pocket and a $20 bill in their front pocket.
Down South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, powder, mascara (waterproof), concealer, and a fifth of bourbon. Wallet not necessary - that's what dates are for.

STADIUM SIZE
Up north: College football stadiums hold 20,000.
Down south: High school football stadiums hold 20,000

WEATHER
Up North: Snow and Ice.
Down South: Sunny, highs mid-60s, lows in the teens.

FATHERS
Up North: Expect their daughter to understand Sylvia Plath.
Down South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

ATTIRE
Up North: Male and female alike: woolly sweater or sweatshirt, jeans.
Down South: Male - pressed khakis, oxford shirt, cap with frat logo, Justin Ropers. Female - ankle-length skirt, coordinated cardigan, flat riding boots, oxford.

ALUMNI
Up North: Take prospects on sailing trips before they join the law firm.
Down South: Take prospects on fishing trips so they don't leave for the NFL their senior year.

CAMPUS DECOR
Up North: Statues of Founding Fathers.
Down South: Statues of Founding Fathers and Heisman Trophy winners.

HOMECOMING QUEEN
Up North: Also a physics major.
Down South: Also Miss USA.

HEROES
Up North: Mario Cuomo
Down South: "Bear" Bryant

GETTING TICKETS
Up North: 5 days before the game you can walk into the ticket office on campus and still purchase tickets.
Down South: 5 months before the game you can walk into the ticket office on campus and still be placed on the waiting list for tickets.

FRIDAY CLASSES AFTER A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME
Up North: Students and Teachers are not sure if they are going because they have class on Friday.
Down South: Teachers cancel class on Friday because they don't want to see the few hungover students that might actually make it to class on Friday.

PARKING
Up North: An hour or two before game time the university opens the campus for game parking.
Down South: RV's sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend's festivities. The real faithful begin arriving on Tuesday.

GAME DAY
Up North: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
Down South: every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting Game Day "Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots from up North who wonder why game day is never broadcast from their campus.

TAILGATING
Up North: Raw meat on the grill, beer with a lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
Down South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by Hootie & the Blowfish, who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off your bottle of bourbon.

GETTING TO THE STADIUM
Up North: You have to ask, "Where's the stadium?" When you find it you walk right in with no line.
Down South: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day, it becomes the state's third largest city.


WHEN THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED
Up North: Stands are less than half full.
Down South: 100,000+ fans sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.

THE SMELL IN THE AIR AFTER THE FIRST SCORE
Up North: Nothing changes.
Down South: Fireworks with a twist of bourbon.

COMMENTARY (MALE)
Up North: "Nice play."
Down South: "Dammit you slow sumbitch -- tackle him and break his legs!!!"

COMMENTARY (FEMALE)
Up North: "My, this is a violent sport."
Down South: "Dammit you slow sumbitch -- tackle him and break his legs!!!"

AFTER THE GAME
Up North: the stadium is empty before the game ends.
Down South: Another rack of ribs on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next year's party.

i had the craziest epiphany about myself today well it started over the last couple of weeks

im lonely and im a people person without people in my life i will die. period
i struggle with having friends cause when i find guys that are like minded i cant stant the guy stereotypes that they fufill and i cant change them i guess ive just learned so much about the bad things that guys do and i know not all guys are bad but they tend to think in ways that are specifically male and ive learned ftrom all my friends most of them are girls what to do, what not to do, what to say , what not to say as well as basic female respect, and i just tend to get along easier with girls than i do with guys

im very in touch with my emotions and i dont hide them in the least i cry when i feel the tears i know when others around me are sad or not in their normal spirits, because of all that ive been through in life, ive had to change , had to adapt, and had to matture in ways that a 13 year shouldnt have to....im a poet at heart and i love art in many different forms mostly sung, written, or drawn because those forms are majorly from the heart in my own personal experiences, and my heart is the nucleus of who i am without it i am just like anybody else just another guy but my heart is what makes me different, unique, weird, if you wish to say it ive been called worse and it doesnt matter to me anyways i am not ashamed of what ive done in life or what has been dont to me yeah alot of both sides of it has been wrong and not right but you cant control everything that happens to you....you can only react and deal with each situation as it comes to th ebest of yoru ability unselfishly, and without fear of getting hurt....pain is a part of life it hurts when we are born and the same when we die if we dont hurt it hurst someone else just the same.

i need friends in my life friends that i can hang with and be around that will accept me fro who i am and what/who i believ ein as well as not try and bring me down with drugs, or alcohol, and just be there for me through the fires of life encouraging me listening to me or just letting me listen to them... i need friends i can hugg, friends i can have fun with but not get into too much trouble with either

i need friends like this
they can be a bit older maybe even a bit younger i need friends that i can grow with and laugh with and at and vice versa, i need friends to help pray for me and walk alongside me through life, that arent afraid to be honest with me even if it hurts, that wont betray me, and if you do i'll forgive you just as fast....nobody's perfect and i wont expect anyone to be in my life


but most importantly i know im not ready for a commitment in any kind of relationship with a girl beyond just friends i cant handle the attractiosn and i tend to follow after my feelings in my flesh more thna my heart in these relationships and i end ip breaking both my own heart and theirs along the way, but i need a girl, a friend to hole, to lean on, to cry on her shoulder, to care for, to be cared by, to love and to be loved by as well,..i need some girl like this to be there for me and to allow me to be there for her to the best of both of our abilities without allowing either of us to become more important than the other and to tell each other the truth when we think the other one is doing something wrong or out of line , and be able to just be there....ya know...


this is my epiphany for the week i may get another one i may not please comment and tell me what you think, what you feel, and if you can be one of these friends for me, or even maybe this girl...friend for me and be able to wait til im able to have a committed relationship, i need someone patient, selfless, and honet

your brother from another mother
til death do us part

Bear

aka
Dylan deBruin

I love to read. Some of my favorite authors include Stephen King, Madeleine L'Engle, Anne McCaffrey, Terry Brooks, Terry Pratchett, Robert Jordan and Maya Angelou. I like Sci Fi a lot. The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan is one of the best sci-fi/fantasy series ever.

Of course, I am also a big Harry Potter fan. I told everyone that I was standing in line at midnight for the last book for my niece, but I am the one who stayed up until 3 am reading it!

I like writing too. I have an idea for a book, but I just have not managed to get started with it.

I write for a website right now. Maybe after I do that for a while I will be able to get the nerve to start my book. Who knows?

Edited to say - thanks to everyone who posted a comment :)

for those of you who are'nt familiar with the part of the world, let me tell you that this part hawai'i gets about 300(really)inches of rain a year. of course the temperature is always between 65 and 85, but it be wet here. now, today, the sun's been shining all day. so, at 6:15 hawai'i time, i'm headed for the garage to pull the beast out and ride down to hilo for a shot of tequilia, a bottle of bud, and a cigar. adois for now y'all......

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why , no, Billy!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"


Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The beach
The beach

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
The Notebook

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country ham
Mouth-watering home made biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn,
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course!

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the four deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Wearing too much makeup in the summer

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!

Now...... Shugah, spread this to some girls who were raised in the
South or wish they had been!

If you're a Northern transplant:
Bless your little heart--fake it. We know you got here as fast
as you could!!!