Who 'needs' a partner? (238)
Ambrose2007: You should've moved his desk on top of him.
lol If youth could know
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druidess6308: John, this is an awesome post! I put myself out there on here and in real life all of the time. I just don't know how to not be me, and not live this way. I share, I care, I hurt, I laugh, I cry...almost all of it right out there for everyone to see. I'm very open. Nobody doubts where they stand with me, either.
Am I afraid of being hurt living this way? No. Have I been hurt by living this way? Of course. Love is part of life, and life is always full of risk. Not risking is not living fully, and I can't live like that.
And on the flip side, some of us are just reserved and don't know how to be any other way. Am I afraid of being hurt living this way? No. Have I been hurt by living this way? Of course. Love is part of life, and life is always full of risk. Not risking is not living fully, and I can't live like that.
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Ambrose2007: Well, Alison, wearing one's heart on one's sleeve could mean a few things, some of which might not be so good. In other words, I don't see heart-sleeve-wearing as necessarily being equivalent to "letting people see the real you." Doing the latter probably should involve some discretion and timing. You wouldn't just pour out your life story to someone on the first date, for example, and revealing the entirety of your feelings wouldn't be advisable at all times and places, and in fact could be off-putting. So I guess I'd have to know more about the details of how your heart-sleeve-wearing plays out in real life, A....
I agree. There is a time and a place to expose portions of our lives to someone. Too much too soon can scare a person away. Waiting to long to tell some things will scare a person away. Dating is hard and creates roadblocks we all must travel through.
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Ambrose2007: You should've moved his desk on top of him.
What goes around, comes around, J. Years later, I ran into him & it was his loss!
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lanabyte: And on the flip side, some of us are just reserved and don't know how to be any other way.
This is okay.
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lanabyte: And on the flip side, some of us are just reserved and don't know how to be any other way.
True, Lana...and that's fine, too. For someone that's more reserved emotionally, I don't think it works to be with someone who is open emotionally...especially if they need someone equally open, like I do.
I can be friends with those who are more reserved emotionally, but that would never work for me with a life partner.
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I'd like one but I don't need one
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Big_John: I think she has every right to be wary and to want to take it slow and to guard her heart and feelings. We all know stories about how hard it is to make long distance relationships work. It is hard, I know. Rejection is alway a chance we take when we enter into dating. Being vulnerable is part of the "game". We all know that once we finally meet the person that many times the person is not who we thought they were. In "real life' we are different. Even with all this said, we must work on making the relationship work. This backwards dating (internet) means we write, IM, talk and then meet causes the "rules" to be different. If you withhold too much of your feelings, affections, and heart you are setting yourself up to fail. Trust that it will work. Have faith that he/she is the right one. Go for it. Don't hold back.
Exactly, John.
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lanabyte: And on the flip side, some of us are just reserved and don't know how to be any other way.
I agree lana. This is just how I am. I'm reserved. I do flirt, but I guess I just consider that a man is flirting with me & has no intention of being/getting serious with me. Well, except for one, here of late.
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druidess6308: True, Lana...and that's fine, too. For someone that's more reserved emotionally, I don't think it works to be with someone who is open emotionally...especially if they need someone equally open, like I do.
I can be friends with those who are more reserved emotionally, but that would never work for me with a life partner.
I can be friends with those who are more reserved emotionally, but that would never work for me with a life partner.
Actually, I prefer people who are more open. I was not always reserved. I learned to be like this as a child. But when someone is openly honest about their feelings, and I feel I can trust them, then I open up more too.
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lanabyte: Actually, I prefer people who are more open. I was not always reserved. I learned to be like this as a child. But when someone is openly honest about their feelings, and I feel I can trust them, then I open up more too.
Ah, so you're not reserved by nature, but by being hurt. Understood, and that makes a difference to what I said. If a man has learned to be reserved, but would open up because of my openness, then that would end up working, even if he remains reserved with others.
Trust is a very important thing to have between friends and life partners.
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My roommate once told me, regarding my personality & that of my best friend, "You let it happen... she MAKES it happen." That's how I'm perceived. And if someone leaves me, I tend to walk away without seeking an explanation, again figuring it's his loss & there are plenty of men out there. Whereas, she always HAS TO know why they 'broke up' with her. She said she has to have closure. Well, my closure is just letting them go. No confrontation needed for me. Is that a sign of confidence or lack thereof?
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sweetowen: My roommate once told me, regarding my personality & that of my best friend, "You let it happen... she MAKES it happen." That's how I'm perceived. And if someone leaves me, I tend to walk away without seeking an explanation, again figuring it's his loss & there are plenty of men out there. Whereas, she always HAS TO know why they 'broke up' with her. She said she has to have closure. Well, my closure is just letting them go. No confrontation needed for me. Is that a sign of confidence or lack thereof?
I think it is okay to deal with closure in a relationship in any manner the two wishes to do it. Let me change this: It is okay as long as you feel good about it. You are not responsible for the other person.
It is appropriate so as you feel closure and ready to move on with your life.
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sweetowen: ... I do flirt, but I guess I just consider that a man is flirting with me & has no intention of being/getting serious with me.
For me, "serious" is hard to do right off the bat.
I can't be "serious" when I don't really know the person yet.
I think flirting is just the natural first step.
It's fun.
It's not too threatening, invasive or demanding.
It breaks the ice.
There's no pressure for it to "succeed".
If it's a total washout nobody gets hurt.
etc etc etc
Occasionally I have met someone and it just "clicked" and we both knew it, so flirting wasn't necessary.
But most of the time I think it is.
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RayfromUSA: For me, "serious" is hard to do right off the bat.
I can't be "serious" when I don't really know the person yet.
I think flirting is just the natural first step.
It's fun.
It's not too threatening, invasive or demanding.
It breaks the ice.
There's no pressure for it to "succeed".
If it's a total washout nobody gets hurt.
etc etc etc
Occasionally I have met someone and it just "clicked" and we both knew it, so flirting wasn't necessary.
But most of the time I think it is.
I can't be "serious" when I don't really know the person yet.
I think flirting is just the natural first step.
It's fun.
It's not too threatening, invasive or demanding.
It breaks the ice.
There's no pressure for it to "succeed".
If it's a total washout nobody gets hurt.
etc etc etc
Occasionally I have met someone and it just "clicked" and we both knew it, so flirting wasn't necessary.
But most of the time I think it is.
But often times, we walk away saying, "I don't know what went wrong! We were flirting & he really seemed to like me!"
IMO, that can be a bit deceptive.
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sweetowen: My roommate once told me, regarding my personality & that of my best friend, "You let it happen... she MAKES it happen." That's how I'm perceived. And if someone leaves me, I tend to walk away without seeking an explanation, again figuring it's his loss & there are plenty of men out there. Whereas, she always HAS TO know why they 'broke up' with her. She said she has to have closure. Well, my closure is just letting them go. No confrontation needed for me. Is that a sign of confidence or lack thereof?
I don't think either one of you shows a lack of confidence in how you deal with this...it's a matter of different styles of dealing with it. Yours definitely doesn't show a lack of confidence, but being aware of your self worth, btw. I'm the same way...I don't always need to know why, I know then that it wasn't right, and have always just moved on with my life.
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Sommerauer71: Do you need one?
Go....
Go....
Need?? HELL NO!!!
Want??
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Yes I do...not in an unhealthy as I am happy with myself...BUT I have to learn how to let my partner know I need them because like sweetowen...I am too independent due to being on my own for sooooo long and only counting on myself...it's hard for me to count on someone else...
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druidess6308: You tickled me, Kurt...you're not even 40 yet! I'm 45, and far from "old".
I guesse i should have used the word FEEL, old.. Lol...didnt mean to offend anyone..
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Go....
No, I don't "need" one. Never have, never will.
I'd be nice to have one at some point in the future, but I'm doing fine without one.
All I "need" is shelter, food, clothes and health care. The rest is icing on the cake.