Love at first sight - Is there such a thing? (87)
reb56carthage, Missouri USA55 Polls 8,629 Postsreb56: yes 1st wife.
lasted 8 yrs.twin sons aug.1975.------ This thread is Archived ------
venere08: "...forget it, says a psychiatrist and relationship expert who insists the myth of love at first sight is not only untrue but is to blame for many unhappy relationships and failed marriages.
"It's impossible to make those kind of judgments until you really know someone," Livingston said.
"There's certainly such thing as attraction at first sight, and in retrospect you (may) have been right that this was the person, but often those initial chemical surges betray us."
"We're automatically drawn to (those deemed beautiful) on an almost instinctual basis but they may not have those inner qualities that make for satisfying marriage," he said.
"This is why it's so important to know somebody."
In his new book, How to Love, Livingston explains the key to a long-lasting loving relationship is finding a person who possesses most of what he calls the 10 "essential virtues" - kindness, optimism, courage, loyalty, tolerance, flexibility, beauty, humour, honesty and intelligence.
He says a fulfilling relationship is achieved by picking the right partner in the first place, rather than learning to deal with differences.
So it seems it might be possible after all, for some of you out there to claim 'love at first sight' ...
Wondering if your own experiences back up the research.
"It's impossible to make those kind of judgments until you really know someone," Livingston said.
"There's certainly such thing as attraction at first sight, and in retrospect you (may) have been right that this was the person, but often those initial chemical surges betray us."
"We're automatically drawn to (those deemed beautiful) on an almost instinctual basis but they may not have those inner qualities that make for satisfying marriage," he said.
"This is why it's so important to know somebody."
In his new book, How to Love, Livingston explains the key to a long-lasting loving relationship is finding a person who possesses most of what he calls the 10 "essential virtues" - kindness, optimism, courage, loyalty, tolerance, flexibility, beauty, humour, honesty and intelligence.
He says a fulfilling relationship is achieved by picking the right partner in the first place, rather than learning to deal with differences.
So it seems it might be possible after all, for some of you out there to claim 'love at first sight' ...
Wondering if your own experiences back up the research.
My dad decided my mom was the "one" before he'd ever met her, as he'd seen her in their town. They've been married close to 50 years now.
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reb56: yes 1st wife.
I definitely don't think you can actually 'love' someone at first sight...I do think their can be 'chemistry at first sight' and ultimately the possibilities for love to grow and develope..
I like the bit about the 10 essential virtues kindness, optimism, courage, loyalty, tolerance, flexibility, beauty, humour, honesty and intelligence
If both partners possessed those 10 virtues and the chemistry was there to begin with then definitely that would be heaven for both concerned...
oh I wish!!! if only but hey you never know...I am an optimist so I have at least one of the virtues...
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reb56: yes 1st wife.
oh sorry didn't mean to quote you on my last post....
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gininitaly: That's lust hun... don't forget to turn your brain on BEFORE you finally pick one to live with... whole different kettle of fish and the reason sooo many men complain they get taken to the cleaners come divorce time.
yes, men are something else - they'll marry the wicked witch of the west if she has a good rack - and then wonder....
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Strong Phisical attraction is YES a major factor, tho the Mind and heart takes some time for Chemistry to Evolve, and Compatability, can be deceptional, tho being Drawn to someone, Many tisme we overlook the signs, or red flags, we assume they will work out so, secondly we must have time to get to know them,
tho many may be compatable, and it works out, some find later that they werent, and its a hard fall...
It is the Inner heart ( Or Mind) that makes it or breaks it.
tho many may be compatable, and it works out, some find later that they werent, and its a hard fall...
It is the Inner heart ( Or Mind) that makes it or breaks it.
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imsophie1: Married my ex exactly 3 weeks after we met. Were together 23 years. Had his multiple head injuries not interfered and entirely changed who he was, we'd still be together. He abandoned the marriage, I didn't. But then, I've been told I have a warped sense of devotion and dedication.
That must have been so hard, knowing you were steadfast in your devotion to your husband, despite the changes brought about by the brain injury.
...Certainly some diverse opinions here. it seems to highlight wide differences in how people form judgments of others.
Mind you, the research findings are obviously behind the speed dating concept. I'd wondered who on earth had cooked that up. I'm tmepted to attend one just for the experience!
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HotrodLarrys: Strong Phisical attraction is YES a major factor, tho the Mind and heart takes some time for Chemistry to Evolve, and Compatability, can be deceptional, tho being Drawn to someone, Many tisme we overlook the signs, or red flags, we assume they will work out so, secondly we must have time to get to know them,
tho many may be compatable, and it works out, some find later that they werent, and its a hard fall...
It is the Inner heart ( Or Mind) that makes it or breaks it.
tho many may be compatable, and it works out, some find later that they werent, and its a hard fall...
It is the Inner heart ( Or Mind) that makes it or breaks it.
That is a biggie. To ignore, is to know that sooner or later, all will end in a bad way. I did that many years ago and got married knowing it was probably doomed. Mind you, it needn't have been, IF this, and IF that. But a leopard never changes his spots, right?
I think the best clue so far is to assess the potential partner as having as many of the 10 above mentioned ingredients. How slowly or quickly this is done, depends largely on your own skills in assessing people. Even through this online medium, the first few emails tells me lots about the person I'm corresponding with. Over weeks and months, even more so. Face to face, not long at all.
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Hey venere, This is an interesting posts since I am presently reading a book called "Click" by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman the former being a psychologist with awards for excellence in teaching and positive human growth. This book breaks down what attracts people to one another and why we are attracted to certain people because of the click phenomenom. Its very involved but they have investigated this subject and have discovered that the human behaviour and thought process, both consciously and unconsciously does allow for us to have this instant attraction to someone whether it be in relationships or the world around us. It includes Love at first sight!! Other factors come into play of course but it is a real and studied, identified human behaviour. 
So it could happen any time, any place!! Its posibble.
So it could happen any time, any place!! Its posibble.
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rune8: Hey venere, This is an interesting posts since I am presently reading a book called "Click" by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman the former being a psychologist with awards for excellence in teaching and positive human growth. This book breaks down what attracts people to one another and why we are attracted to certain people because of the click phenomenom. Its very involved but they have investigated this subject and have discovered that the human behaviour and thought process, both consciously and unconsciously does allow for us to have this instant attraction to someone whether it be in relationships or the world around us. It includes Love at first sight!! Other factors come into play of course but it is a real and studied, identified human behaviour.
So it could happen any time, any place!! Its posibble.
So it could happen any time, any place!! Its posibble.
Hi rune8, thanks so much for the name of that book. Must look it up as it does sound fascinating. All too often we assume certain things about human behaviour, such as that it should take ages for one person to get to 'know' the other. but I agree, it need not be that way for everyone.
I shall return. Much catch the shops for last minute bits and pieces for New Year's eve dinner with parents.
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Happy New Year, V!
Well, the study doesn't make any claims about love at first sight; rather it describes "attraction at first sight." Turns out people are attracted to each other initially based largely on how attractive they find their faces. Brilliant.
I'd say Livingston is dead-on in his analysis.
Well, the study doesn't make any claims about love at first sight; rather it describes "attraction at first sight." Turns out people are attracted to each other initially based largely on how attractive they find their faces. Brilliant.
I'd say Livingston is dead-on in his analysis.
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You don't really believe that do you? There are alot of spouses who stay come on get real!
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Ambrose2007: Happy New Year, V!
Well, the study doesn't make any claims about love at first sight; rather it describes "attraction at first sight." Turns out people are attracted to each other initially based largely on how attractive they find their faces. Brilliant.
I'd say Livingston is dead-on in his analysis.
same difference?Well, the study doesn't make any claims about love at first sight; rather it describes "attraction at first sight." Turns out people are attracted to each other initially based largely on how attractive they find their faces. Brilliant.
I'd say Livingston is dead-on in his analysis.
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Yes, I believe in love at first sight. Up until this year, the best relationship I had was love at first sight with a man 14 years older than me. It was the perfect relationship. He was everything a woman could want and dream of in a man. We were together for 7 years before he past away of a heart attack.
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Yes, it does happen, it is an amazing experience however cynical you are,to have experienced it is to know a completely powerfull inner feeling.
It was on an Island, 40c and along climb up a mountain on my own, arriving at the top at exactly the same time came a Lady, we looked at each other and the next five hours went by in 5 minutes.
It was on an Island, 40c and along climb up a mountain on my own, arriving at the top at exactly the same time came a Lady, we looked at each other and the next five hours went by in 5 minutes.
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Chrisys: Yes, it does happen, it is an amazing experience however cynical you are,to have experienced it is to know a completely powerfull inner feeling.
It was on an Island, 40c and along climb up a mountain on my own, arriving at the top at exactly the same time came a Lady, we looked at each other and the next five hours went by in 5 minutes.
It was on an Island, 40c and along climb up a mountain on my own, arriving at the top at exactly the same time came a Lady, we looked at each other and the next five hours went by in 5 minutes.
And then what, Chrisys?
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langleygirl: My dad decided my mom was the "one" before he'd ever met her, as he'd seen her in their town. They've been married close to 50 years now.
That's so beautiful to know that of your parents, langleygirl. they had a real
I've heard similar stories through my parents' friends, and past Aussie neighbours of mine, ya know, the totally devoted types of years gone by. In fact, Violet and Les, now long deceased, had only spoken on the the ol' 'phone through he job at the post office. That was it for him and the rest was history. It was a true "til death do us part" story of love that they emulated.
I miss their joy and positivity towards life.
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venere08: "...forget it, says a psychiatrist and relationship expert who insists the myth of love at first sight is not only untrue but is to blame for many unhappy relationships and failed marriages.
"It's impossible to make those kind of judgments until you really know someone," Livingston said.
"There's certainly such thing as attraction at first sight, and in retrospect you (may) have been right that this was the person, but often those initial chemical surges betray us."
"We're automatically drawn to (those deemed beautiful) on an almost instinctual basis but they may not have those inner qualities that make for satisfying marriage," he said.
"This is why it's so important to know somebody."
In his new book, How to Love, Livingston explains the key to a long-lasting loving relationship is finding a person who possesses most of what he calls the 10 "essential virtues" - kindness, optimism, courage, loyalty, tolerance, flexibility, beauty, humour, honesty and intelligence.
He says a fulfilling relationship is achieved by picking the right partner in the first place, rather than learning to deal with differences.
So it seems it might be possible after all, for some of you out there to claim 'love at first sight' ...
Wondering if your own experiences back up the research.
Hey Venere, Well yes I had that with my last partner we both did at the first glace across the road it was WOOOOOAAHHHHHHH so over powering... Love at first sight?? attraction Definately...later I looked on it as we fell in love at first sight, but sadly it only lasted 4 years despite the fact that we loved so deeply and passionatly, other issues caused problem's and it ended......so yes you can fall for someone instantly but unfortunately it dosent mean it will last, and can make for a devistating break up as I experianced... I beleive the research to be true and correct in most areas....."It's impossible to make those kind of judgments until you really know someone," Livingston said.
"There's certainly such thing as attraction at first sight, and in retrospect you (may) have been right that this was the person, but often those initial chemical surges betray us."
"We're automatically drawn to (those deemed beautiful) on an almost instinctual basis but they may not have those inner qualities that make for satisfying marriage," he said.
"This is why it's so important to know somebody."
In his new book, How to Love, Livingston explains the key to a long-lasting loving relationship is finding a person who possesses most of what he calls the 10 "essential virtues" - kindness, optimism, courage, loyalty, tolerance, flexibility, beauty, humour, honesty and intelligence.
He says a fulfilling relationship is achieved by picking the right partner in the first place, rather than learning to deal with differences.
So it seems it might be possible after all, for some of you out there to claim 'love at first sight' ...
Wondering if your own experiences back up the research.
I think its probably best to not expect the love of our life to be that instantly but for it to develop over time with respect and getting to truly know each other, THIS I think will make for a much longer lasting and true connection...
Still waiting and Im afraid once you have experianced the "love at first sight" situation it is VERY VERY hard to not want or expect it again...so we keep searching but it may never happen like that again..but that dosent mean we wont find our true love, it just might take a little longer to realise THEY are in fact the one....
JMO
Happy New Year Everyone
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Ambrose2007: Happy New Year, V!
Well, the study doesn't make any claims about love at first sight; rather it describes "attraction at first sight." Turns out people are attracted to each other initially based largely on how attractive they find their faces. Brilliant.
I'd say Livingston is dead-on in his analysis.
Well, the study doesn't make any claims about love at first sight; rather it describes "attraction at first sight." Turns out people are attracted to each other initially based largely on how attractive they find their faces. Brilliant.
I'd say Livingston is dead-on in his analysis.
Ta, A. and a Happy New Year to you. Nice to see you.
yes, you are right. I had another article, well, several, and posted just that one. I'll try and find them. Research is gradually happening for online dating, but still in its infancy. Sidetracking a little, stats are being collected for online dating outcomes :
"Of the 22 million people registered with dating sites in 2007, one in five actually met their true love and walked down the aisle with them, which would clearly indicate that online dating comes in handy when looking for love." from softpedia.com
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