Daily Chuckle ... (3,607)
InthewoodsColorado Springs, Colorado USA9,899 Posts
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^^^^^^ so why is the dude holding a rake? 
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I said to the Wife What would you do if I won the lottery.
She said I would take half and leave you.
I said I won 12 dollars here is 6 Keep in touch.
She said I would take half and leave you.
I said I won 12 dollars here is 6 Keep in touch.
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Would be my luck 
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Yup
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This is awesome 
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Savage 
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ffs
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Bad Dog!
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Woman go's into hospital for a pee flap reduction job. Next day a Nurse go's into her ward. And say's welcome back to the real world Mary. You have had your op all went well. You got 3 lovely cards and 3 lovely bunches of flowers. Mary ask who are the 1st lot from. Nurse says there from your husband wishing you well and can't wait to take you back home. Then she ask who are the 2nd lot from. Nurse says there from the Dr who performed your op wishing you a speedy recovery. Then she asks who are the 3rd lot from. And the Nurse says ha. There from Patrick down in the burns unit. Thanking you for his new ears
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A sole and a flounder are swimming in the ocean when they bump into each other.
The sole says A Flounder...Sorry.
The Flounder,to be polite says nothing.
The sole says A Flounder...Sorry.
The Flounder,to be polite says nothing.
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Leibherr580: Woman go's into hospital for a pee flap reduction job. Next day a Nurse go's into her ward. And say's welcome back to the real world Mary. You have had your op all went well. You got 3 lovely cards and 3 lovely bunches of flowers. Mary ask who are the 1st lot from. Nurse says there from your husband wishing you well and can't wait to take you back home. Then she ask who are the 2nd lot from. Nurse says there from the Dr who performed your op wishing you a speedy recovery. Then she asks who are the 3rd lot from. And the Nurse says ha. There from Patrick down in the burns unit. Thanking you for his new ears
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"Did your hear the news - Dave is dead??!!!"
"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and
boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof.
Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all.
So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor.
Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up.
He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and
breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that.
He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but
under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor.
In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, he got away with that one, he survived.
So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen.
He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water,
whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that!
He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help,
but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and
so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that..."
"Hold on
HOLD ON !!!!,
just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him?
What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"I had to.
He was wrecking the friggin' place!."
"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and
boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof.
Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all.
So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor.
Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up.
He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and
breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that.
He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but
under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor.
In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, he got away with that one, he survived.
So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen.
He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water,
whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that!
He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help,
but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and
so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that..."
"Hold on
HOLD ON !!!!,
just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him?
What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"I had to.
He was wrecking the friggin' place!."
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Conrad73: "Did your hear the news - Dave is dead??!!!"
"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and
boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof.
Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all.
So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor.
Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up.
He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and
breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that.
He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but
under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor.
In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, he got away with that one, he survived.
So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen.
He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water,
whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that!
He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help,
but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and
so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that..."
"Hold on
HOLD ON !!!!,
just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him?
What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"I had to.
He was wrecking the friggin' place!."
"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and
boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof.
Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all.
So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor.
Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up.
He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and
breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that.
He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but
under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor.
In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, he got away with that one, he survived.
So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen.
He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water,
whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that!
He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help,
but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and
so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that..."
"Hold on
HOLD ON !!!!,
just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him?
What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"I had to.
He was wrecking the friggin' place!."
I'm glad now I only have single phase 120 AC 220 Amp electric service in my home! 
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galrads: I'm glad now I only have single phase 120 Volts AC 220 Amp electric service in my home!
Corrected ------ This thread has reached the limit ------
I took Mom and Stepdad to this movie ...
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