inthemind Blog Comments (547)

RE: Our President Obama

So um... what you're saying is... "I'm tired of people bashing one guy so I'll bash the other guy"

There's simply too much bashing and no desire to take the fuel away that feeds this habit. (money = influence = getting elected = money) ... "Just say 'No' to bashing" (and try to be constructive)

Personally, I don't want so much of my government to be in DC ... I want my local school board to run my schools... and town, county and state to run themselves without federal mandates and "federal money" ... there's too much federal government in our lives

But hey, like yourself, I have to believe it will get better!

RE: a girl with alot of spirt

Fun people can be... fun.

For a long term relationship, I wouldn't want to be with someone I'd feel embarrassed to be seen with... embarrassed to introduce to others... or simply someone who makes me feel uncomfortable.

If you enjoy your time with each other, terrific! I'd think twice about taking the relationship further (IMO).

RE: What's going on

Hey Jim ... really enjoying your photography, btw.

Good news on the wake-up thing! I wish you many, many more.

Our Bills won ... didn't see that coming

Sounds like a nice weekend for you... thanks for sharing.

RE: is this normal ??

Whenever a strong relationship ends (for any reason), it's normal to mourn the loss.

People can be rough on us... This is part of the reason for having a network of friends. Even in marriage, I don't think it's smart to put all your emotional energy into a single relationship.

Sorry for your loss... It will get better... a little better each day.

Be open to finding your next great friend! Good luck

RE: Why I am here.

Hi field

Yes... some human contact at times is nice

Being a 10... you'll be a 10 for someone... just need to find the one who appreciates the things that are uniquely 'you'.

... and the flowers are always nice... ways to show you're appreciated... don't give up on the flowers :)

Feel free to vent ... we're mostly friendly folks around here

RE: Another opportunity missed...sigh

Hugger - I can relate ... the key is to be just a bit more outgoing. You don't have to "make a move", you just have to be interested and curious.

Ask about the book... make a point to say something to your child about "their mother's home" (implying that you're divorced). And just make conversation. Basically, just being friendly with everyone is good practice... just let the conversation go where it goes... over time, you'll become more comfortable with it, and a little more bold.

Good luck!

RE: You want a piece of this !

Apple season has started! And yes... vanilla ice cream please

(insert sound of refrigerator door opening )

RE: My First -And Last- Social

Jana's right...

I've never attended a 'singles social' ... The key thing is that you got out to where the (potentially) right people were. If would seem the club would have more than one kind of event ... perhaps something for a calmer crowd the next time.

If you're up to it, you might want to organize a 'team' from the club for an upcoming 5k walk (charity event) ... an event like this would bring out a different type of person and coordination wouldn't take much effort ... just communicating with people about how to sign up and where to meet ... and who knows who might show up. You might just want to share that you're going to participate... and looking to walk along with a few folks... and where to meet... might be that simple to get something started.

Whatever the case ... the best of luck! And talking more with the one you missed connecting with ... sounds like opportunity is there if you want to get a conversation going.

RE: football fans

@Jim - Stayed up to watch the Jets win. I really didn't think it was going to happen until they lined up for the field goal. A great start to the season!

@reb56 - KC bad or Bills good? Yeah, the question of the day We'll take the win but won't get too excited until we see a series of good games.

RE: football fans

Buffalo ... They'd run me out of town if I didn't say that.

I didn't scout KC but it really went well for the Bills today! No hopes yet... won't get attached to the idea of a winning season... but I'll take it!

RE: No, it's NOT just another day.

I went to work... a typical day... (almost) no one had a cell phone... someone had been listening to the radio... a plane hit a building... it had happened before... we'll wait to hear more... was there fog this morning in NY City? ... we wondered... within a few minutes the radio told us more... no television in the office... just the radio and a couple of people who called someone at home... a typical day... it would have been nice if it had stayed that way...

RE: Soulmates? Are you kidding me!

The soulmate definitions are many. Someone who is nearly effortless to get along with... I tend to like that definition.

I agree that God (and/or the universe) will bring the right one into our lives as long as we do our part by getting out of the house and allowing ourselves to be found.

Sort of a "when opportunity is passing by, get off the porch and stand in the way" kind of outlook.

RE: Stand up and BE COUNTED ! ! ! !

I was real once. I got better.

and you're not here alone ... I'm here alone too

RE: to old to do it...

Either there is more to the story or the church has lost its way. To have someone lose their spouse and be remarried (at any age) --- can't imagine that being the reason to ask someone to no longer attend.

So --- a church that isn't a very good church failed to prosper. Sounds good to me

A good story, Rowdy! It's nice when things work out the way they should

RE: needed or wanted

I would like to get up each morning ... see the person I'm with and think, if I could do it all over again, I would still choose her.

I'd like her to get up each morning ... see me ... and think the same thing.

"Want" - to prefer. To select among other choices.

"Need" - to require. To be incomplete or unable without.

There will be times when we need each other, but I don't think this is a good basis for the relationship.

Hi Jana ... Hi Steve --- good topic!

RE: Being good to yourself

@rcm - Nice insight! Thank you for teaching me something ... more perspective = more wisdom

RE: Being good to yourself

Guilt, control, fear - things that tell us that making ourselves a priority is somehow a bad thing

Who is the most important person in your life?

I get what parents say when they say 'my kids come first' ... but they shouldn't literally come first. It's unfortunate that taking care of yourself (so that you're fit to take care of others) is often viewed as being selfish.

I like the idea of turning everything off and being unavailable... meditation time, so to speak.

RE: happyiness

Some people need their lives to be very orderly. These folks worry about everything, regardless of its significance.

There should be balance in life. Everyone has a different outlook and needs to run their own lives. It's good to encourage people to be better but it's more important to accept them as they are.

Someone wrote a book... "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" ... it's sub-titled "and it's all small stuff".

RE: These eyes

Hi Lana!

You mentioned something in a prior blog... an elderly couple where the gent routinely complimented and built up his wife.

I think there are good habits and bad habits. Good habits are small gestures that make sure the relationship stays healthy and grows. Always being polite, looking each other in the eye, leaving each other in a positive way and greeting each other in a positive way --- always, not just on the good days. Things like this.

Too few people seem to incorporate good habits and remove bad habits as individuals, so they don't have these skills to bring into the relationship.

Basically, both people need to recognize and implement good habits in the relationship. It has to be both... if only one does it, it can only go so far. If both do this, the relationship can grow indefinitely.

Trust - Is the other person stable or do they act rashly in life? Do they actually know what they want and what they fear? Do they know what makes them happy? If you've truly shared these things with each other, the relationship should be fine... as long as you continue to share things like this.

A key point: Each has to accept (fully) what the other says (what they feel) and show they can be trusted with this information. If they don't do this, communication starts breaking down... if that continues ............

RE: How to be a good one

I believe we should all be in charge of our own lives. In a relationship, we should share responsibility for each other but should not be in control of each other.

I find that with people like your boyfriend, the closer you get emotionally, the more they will try to control you. This makes a very close relationship extremely difficult to have.

He can probably be a very nice person when you're just friends. If you want a peaceful life, you might not want to be romantically involved with him.

Good luck!

RE: Are we really so serious?!

@belle - A small mis-read I think. @morgen is trying to make sure all men at CS aren't put in the same (unflattering) category.

@Sunrise - Hi Bulgaria... It's been good to learn something about your country (thanks the Jana too!)

Okay - Just like when singles meet at a bar/pub ... often they chat for a while ... then may go talk to other people for a bit ... then might chat again. Most folks can only do casual relationships when they are not physically together. "Feelings" develop better in person and many just follow their feelings (intuition).

Starting a relationship from a distance isn't easy because it takes two people who have the skills to connect with each other beyond pictures and saying nice things. I think that people who can do this are in the minority.

It can still happen, of course. The question is how many people you'll need to talk with until one sticks with the conversation (and growing relationship).

Also - Do you wait to hear from them before sending your next message? I think the one to one message pattern will eventually fail... you have to be willing to at least send a note to wish them a good day from time to time... if they still don't come back, they actually aren't interested.

Oh... need emoticons before Morgen reminds me and for Jana

RE: OK thats it!

I guess we're clearing the air on some stuff tonight!

@Lana - You ex was disrespectful and did not appreciate you. Sorry to hear about that. When discouraged in such certain terms, can't imagine cooking for him ever again.

Hopefully you'll find someone who puts as much effort into encouraging you instead!

RE: OK thats it!

@Brip6 --- an interesting statement... "We don't have ESP either. We do know when she says nothing is wrong, something's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong" ... that I can bring myself to tell you... ???

People put up barriers to communication. A healthy relationship has few of these barriers.

> Allow the other person to say what they feel. Do not dismiss an issue as not being worthy... it implies the same of the person who shared it and discourages them from sharing in the future.
> Ask and listen. If you want to try to fix it, ask first. They might just need you to agree it's a problem... just looking for understanding... they may want to fix it by themselves.
> Speak your mind and accept what is said when they do the same.
> Encourage communication... always.

Mutual respect, courtesy, and understanding are huge but won't happen unless both people allow it and encourage it.

I can't speak for everyone but for myself, I want someone who understands things like this and is interested in discovering more.

oh ... I forgot emoticons ...

RE: OK thats it!

we'll see if this works...

RE: Old school or Modern approach?

Hey Lana!

So no role reversal?

Okay --- a point from a blog a while ago --- I do think it's the man's role to take care of the woman... to provide and to be protective. This includes opening doors, paying for dinner, etc.

Each should make an effort to show they think the other is special. The challenge is to do this in the way the other person is receptive to. It's not always about doing the things that are traditional. Why not customize it to him/her?

What's normal, common and traditional is a safe way to start but as you get to know each other, there's no reason not to develop your own traditions.

I'm going to open the door for you but I'm not going to close it in front of the lady behind you. Politeness gets extended to everyone.

RE: Old school or Modern approach?

How about we call it respect rather than equality? Women weren't treated equally... or respectfully... so we've made efforts to improve both.

For dating... I like the role of 'be yourself'. If you're naturally generous, be generous. If you're not this way... perhaps this is a chance to dry to develop a new skill.

Be kind, caring, respectful ... generous and forgiving ... on a date and in life. On a date, this translates into helping her with her coat... holding the door open... lots of this should just be things you normally do.

I think of "old school" as making an effort to show her that you think she's special.

"Modern" is either making an assumption that she feels that help with menial tasks is degrading or condescending ... or ... it's showing her that you don't think she's special. Two very different meanings.

I'll open the door for her... and might even mention that I like taking care of her like this... if it's okay with her.

RE: Keep on knockin but you can't come in

trying to think of the right witty line here.....

okay --- you can send him some of parti's grass ... um, best to include a big bag of Cheetos I think! perhaps that will occupy him for a bit...

So what do you suppose he was thinking about? Hmm Did you two used to play Scrabble together? Perhaps he's looking for help with the Sunday crossword (?)

I just don't know... Well, if you do get lonely, it would seem that it would be okay for you to call a bunch of friends over and all go to his place! "Yeah, Hi ... I was lonely ... and so were they ... and I remembered your invitation ... and Mitch over there? ... yeah, he's just here for the grass ... be a dear and fix him up"

Now --- who brought the karaoke machine?

RE: Work and Love

Pay attention to me !!!

Hi Lana

Well, that's the challenge I see. The attention factor and how much each of the people and things in our lives demand of us. Have you heard the expression "you can only serve one master"?

If you have a demanding career and a demanding spouse ...

Life can be okay if just one thing in your life is demanding but I think happiness is hard to find unless the demands on your life, your attention and your energy are low. "They'll take all you have to give and still want more" ... there are people and there are companies that will do this. I'm glad I don't need to be around them anymore

I'll offer more... just not looking to have it demanded from me.

RE: Waisting time?

@morgen -

RE: Waisting time?

@Lana -

Patience is a good thing (and should be appreciated, not taken advantage of) ... patience also shouldn't be extended without limits.

--- working on a vent pipe in the attic today --- been dreading this but it needs to be done --- anyone want to help?