I hear you! Was more thinking along a different line. Worrying comes to mind. The kind that makes you say; Yes but what if...... what if.....etc. Sure we must keep on planning for the future, but not to worry and or fret about it.
Yes even thinking to much about tomorrow is futile in a sense. My late husband never made it until his tomorrow. It changed me as I now more say; Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, so that is why today is THE day.
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
When a woman wears a leather dress, A man's heart beats quicker, And his throat gets dry, He goes weak in the knees, And he begins to think irrationally. ever wonder why?
Having this woman for a friend is a great beginning Stooie. Next most important for me is; communication. To me it is the Key! Being able to talk about any subject, that is where trust plays a big role. My number one of my three point "trinity" Trust, Respect, and Giving. (giving of oneselfs)
A little something for you to get your mind off your troubles for a minute!
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat u nder a sign that said,' Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident'... I just lost it.'
'CASE DISMISSED!!'
Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!
A new FRESH FOODS supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying .
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money. Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...
The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.
The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"
1. Two blondes walk into a building.......... You'd think at least one of them would have seen it..
2. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
3. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he Couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
4. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
5. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He Shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied "I Know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
6. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
7. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the Craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
8. A man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. He says to the Doctor, "What can you do about this?" The doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
9. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' Is it common? ' "It's not unusual."
10. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you Can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's too heavy"
12. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
14. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
15. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people In my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad,or My older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
16. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other One says "So are you, you fat *&&**"
17. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
18. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So wasn't that nice?"
19. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
20. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
Power of Suggestion ------------------------- The following ad in the Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls:
"Single Black Female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I am a very good-looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy."
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight week-old black Labrador retriever.
QUEEN OF ENGLAND Revokes American Independence 64 views
20 Oct 2008 7:27 PM
I received this from the 'old country' this morning...it may come as a shock to our many American friends...for which I apologise...and I quote:
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix'-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U. S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler, although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
hollandgirl Forum Posts (4,464)
How many bridges have you crossed before realizing there never was a bridge?...........
Lol our Canuck ice hockey team has that attitude, never give up, is their battle cry.Seems their fans never give up on them either, (they should)