Wow! What a very neat surprise - To wake up and find birthday greetings, not just from the person who makes my life complete, but many others who have touched my life as well!
For one of the few times in my life, I have been rendered very nearly speechless. Suffice it to say that no matter how my day goes, I will be smiling because of this quite unexpected thread.
Thanks everyone!
And to my wonderful wife: You continue to be the reason my sun rises each morning. God surely did bless the broken road that led me straight to you... I love you, J! All ways, always!
I've never lived anywhere but "a remote subarban place." Although I've traveled extensively, the largest town I've ever lived in had a total of about eighteen thousand people - Small by most folks' standards - And I lived in a 'town' of about 20 people for more than 20 years before moving to Tennessee last March.
As to what it's like - I'm guess I really don't know how to answer that because I don't know what living anywhere else is like. I do know that I treasure the solitude and having to be more or less self sufficient and not dependant upon others to do everything for me.
I was born very early in the morning, 100 years and 1 day after my home state of Kansas was granted statehood. My father and older brothers were all born in California, so - to my family - I have always been "The Kansan."
(I thought for several years that by all rights, I should have been born ON January 29 and then Kansas and I could have celebrated our birthdays together, but - being a true Aquarian and therefore a procrastinator, even in the womb - I managed to miss it by an hour and thirty-eight minutes.)
17 (A). All a man really needs to get by in life is WD-40 and Duct Tape; If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it does move and shouldn't, use the Duct Tape.
Earlier this month, a young lady was walking down the street in downtown Knoxville, Tn. when a Chevy Van came screaming around the corner. The woman dodged back, but was struck on the side of face and cut quite badly by the tip of the van's whip antenna.
The young woman was taken to the hospital where she was treated and released, but was re-admitted a few days later when her condition suddenly worsened. A multitude of tests failed to discover the cause of her health problems even though her condition continued to deteriorate rapidly.
Sadly, the woman died three days after being admitted to the hospital. When an autopsy was performed, is was discovered that she had died of...
----The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello".
"Mrs.. Ward, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs.. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr.. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs.. Ward asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
I don't have to, as you've just made my point... Again!
P.S. You'll notice "Fool" that I did not say that you'd never posted anything positive, merely that I didn't recall seeing it. (Or anything that could even remotely be construed as positive.)
P.P.S. If you are going to sign yourself as "fool" then there should be a comma between the message and your name.
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives." Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project.
"This fellow Charles Lindbergh will never make it. He's doomed." Harry Guggenheim, millionaire aviation enthusiast.
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
"Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances." Dr. Lee De Forest, inventor of the vacuum tube and father of television.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
"Louis Pastueur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the instrusion of the wise and humane surgeon." Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria, 1873
Just a collection of "memorable" quotes. Amazing how much difference a little time can make...
Bad Predictions
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what ... is it good for?" Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would payfor a message sent to nobody in particular?" David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.
"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools." 1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work.
"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training." Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus.
Sorry, I don't have any - It's kind've a long story: You know how a fight can start from a little thing and escalate beyond control? Well, me and the 'ex' got into a fight about her nosy mother and one thing led to another and she went out and slashed the tires on my pick-up, so then I dug out some old polaroids and sent 'em in to Hustler Magazine's "Beaver Hunt..."
...She won and I used the money to buy new tires for my pick-up!
Prior to moving to Tennessee last March, I spent two years living in a tiny (10X14) shack on my property in Kansas. I had no running water and heated with a tiny wood stove. I did have electricity, but most of my lighting was done with candle lanterns. The outhouse was 35 yards away and was un-lit and un-heated. Many were the times when I weighed the severity of the "urge" against the severity of the storm!
Banishment is still alive and well in the work force - It's called getting fired/terminated and is more or less exactly the same principal; When a person's actions (or lack thereof) deem them unacceptable to conditions of the work place society, they are summarily banned from being part of that particular microcosm.
I'm a little bit frayed around the borders, but I have checked my cargo; It's mulch and topsoil going to a Wal-Mart in Unicoi, Tn. and if there are light bulbs in it you can bet your sweet bippy they'll be dirty!
I can't take credit for this, but... (I nearly laughed myself to tears while reading it!)
How many message board readers does it take to change the light bulb?
One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
Five to flame the spell checkers.
Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.
Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...
Another six to condemn those six as stupid.
Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.
Nineteen to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.
Eleven to defend the posting to the group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.
Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.
Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.
Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".
Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
Four to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
Thirteen to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
Three to tell a funny story about their chickens and a light bulb.
One group lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it for the other foot.
9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
11. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
12. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Life is like a cup of coffee; ...Our jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change, the quality of life we live.
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us.
God brews the coffee, not the cups ... Enjoy your coffee!
My occupation, indeed, the occupations of my "type" has always placed me/us at the fringes of society. Respected by some, feared by a few and largely ignored by the rest, we have nonetheless been an integral part of the machinations of the very basis of society.
What I do for a living is a part of what I am, but by no means does it strictly define who I am, nor limit all that I am.
As to using my occupation as currency in a social environment - Being (by choice) at the fringe of society does not, as a rule, lead to situations where my particular currency would hold much value other than as a minor curiosity to be briefly and ignorantly discussed and discarded. (So the answer would be "No.")
Yes I do. As a matter of fact, I was in Denver the day it happened and had just delivered in Cherry Creek that morning. Where were you?
The thing is, what happened at Columbine doesn't have a damn thing to do with this thread except that if things had still been the way they were when I was growing up, the tragedy might never have happened in the first place...
I'm on Johnny's side - I lived 4 miles across town from school and in the opposite direction of my favorite place to hunt quail. By the time I could have gotten home, grabbed my shotgun and got out to Mr. F's place, legal shooting light would have been gone.
Well, of COURSE I believe. I really have no choice but to believe. We are connected on so many levels and have been given so many signs that neither of us can ignore them. Like being 1500 miles apart and listening to the same song on the radio at the exact same time - even though the stations were not affilliated and the song/songs were not neccessarily top 10 hits.
If things like that happened only once or twice or only happened early on in the relationship, then there might be room for doubt, but it continues even now. For instance: Last night, I was replying to a thread on another forum and Jackson was sitting on the couch. She could see that I was on the muzzleloader forum, but -- being that far away and not having her reading glasses on -- there is no way she could have known what threads I was even reading, let alone responding to. Out of the blue she asked "Whatever happened to the guy who posted a while back that he had cancer?" I just turned and looked at her in dis-belief and replied that he had passed away earlier in the day and that I was responding to a thread posted by a close friend of his telling us about it. WOW!
There are times - and they are many - when I honestly do not know where she ends and where I start... I am beginning to accept that I start somewhere deep inside her soul and she ends somewhere deep inside my own...
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully...the bells are not always audible.
The_Kansan Forum Posts (3,395)
RE: Please help me in wishing The Kansan a HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Wow! What a very neat surprise - To wake up and find birthday greetings, not just from the person who makes my life complete, but many others who have touched my life as well!For one of the few times in my life, I have been rendered very nearly speechless. Suffice it to say that no matter how my day goes, I will be smiling because of this quite unexpected thread.
Thanks everyone!
And to my wonderful wife: You continue to be the reason my sun rises each morning. God surely did bless the broken road that led me straight to you... I love you, J! All ways, always!