fjamesj9701 Poetry (186)

I whispered into the emptiness afraid of what I'm might hear
But even more afraid that there would be nothing there
My shadow casted fear and gave a reason for my pain
As my thoughts became like rotten fruit and they began to fall away
My lips utter desperately from deep inside a broken heart
I look up to the heavens, but my flesh stays hidden in the dark
Where silence fills the voids to disengage and disrepair
Better days let me escape and evaporate into the air
There I sit beside myself when I'm alone at night
As I listen to the melodies of the dead trying recapture life
And from this sorrow loneliness became my only friend
While emptiness replayed their voices over and over again

~ Jesse Okoroshi Masu Forster ~

Five below freezing
Coughing
And sneezing
There I lay in the snow
Zero below beating
My heart still repeating
From warm thoughts to bleeding
Tears fell from my eyes
To the earth they were fleeting
Like salt melting snow
From liquid to fro-
Zen like Heavenly feelings
Wanting warm sand between toes
Darkness became light
With such wondrous sights
I could see the threshold of forever
And forever was bright
Then I thought about you
My world again became blue
Deflating like helium
Sucked from balloons
Tho for a moment I wept
As my heart found content
With holding the memories
of the time that we spent
And I only want more
Still so much to explore
Like an astronaut thinks of space
Am I wrong to adore
Your warm gentle face
Floating in place
Over fields of wild sunflowers
Dancing with grace
And it s there that I wonder
At those times when I should
But sometimes to feel hunger
is the best kind of food
But I've licked that plate clean
To a shiny crown for a king
Over an empire of frost
Praying for spring
So then I watched the horizon
Ignite a new sky
Contemplating my journey
Finding whats left inside
Only allowed to have kept
all the things that I've lost
Beyond the emptiness of never
And all that it cost
So until I get to the place
Where I left my heart broke
I'll wander this world forever
A warrior
... Guided by hope


-Jesse Anata OKoroshi Masu F-

Across the plains
I see a glimmering light
Beyond the horizon
where the day fades out the night
The grass is grown
from the roots of all my sins
Beneath the dirt
is where my salvation will begin
There stands a house
and its yellowing in mold
Beside a window
is where I sit alone
The walls are cold
and the bricks are falling out
So you could see inside
and I can let it out
Within these walls
is where I call my home
Id love to leave this place
but I have nowhere else to roam
If I had wings
I would uplift myself and soar
Up to the heavens ,
but this is the only hell I know

I than looked up
to the heavenly sky
but temptation burned my wings
before I learned to fly
Again I looked up
to a new sunny sky
but than my heart gets blistered
and my mouth tongue twisted and tied

~ Jesse Okoroshi Masu James F ~

Calamity is a mistress
Ignoring circumvention of consequence
Comfortablity feeds the monster
Eating from ignorance
Begin seroquelling me with the cliches
Then I'll smile and just pretend
To listen as I watch your lips move
Not ever hearing a word you said
While I draw a verbal hangman
Of a psychiatrist in a noose
Crawling from the hallows of my skin
Yet never walked a mile in my shoes
Because habit is just a creature
But an angel is my best friend
Slowly I began killing my demons
In a quiet game of Russian roulette
So take another shot of your whiskey
Freeing the ghost that I neglect
Still hypnotized by watching your lips move
Lost inside of thoughts I'll soon forget
Nullifying the mystery in madness
I don't care where or how it ends
Just give the pharmacy keys to the pretty nurse
And feed me the pills that clear my head

~ Jesse Okoroshi Masu James F ~

Take a bite from the rotten apple
Tearing my darkness apart in two
To light a candle inside its emptiness
Where my soul flowers forever blooms
Filtering through the silence
Within a deep aphotic dream
While my demons quiet whispers
Become such a sweet soliloquy
Never fear the sleeping giants
They stand in the way of their own sun
Befriend your somber phantoms
And they will help you overcome
Reevaluate then disappear
Into my own ecliptic space
Me standing against the shadows
I kneel before Your perfect face
Beneath an annulus of electric blue
The moon reigns upon your head
Like a moth I am drawn into Your light
Where I have died and am born again
With my Defenders at my right hand
In these valleys I shall not fear
Those who have compassed my destruction
Will feel the cold edge of my steel
And for the mountains that stand before me
I will conquer them attempting heights
In my fear I have found my courage
And in my death I will find life

~ Jesse Okoroshi Masu ~

Have you seen anything more beautiful
Than a double suicide
Have you ever felt something so perfect
Like what they saw in each others eyes
They have always been together
And now they always will
Within a different shade of forever
In a light that cannot be killed
Like sunshine burning at midnight
Two serpents kissed a rainbow
Their halidom sets far in the twilight
Beyond a dream I will never know
Her love will always be remembered
And his love will always grow
In the frozen skies of December
My heart is no longer cold

~ Jesse Okoroshi Masu James Forster ~

Open my insides then fill me up with your lies
Tell me that you love me then rip my heart through my spine
Say that you'll always be there and then run far away
But a part of me was always certain that you'd never stay
First there was Megan an old friend I found on Face Book
Until a mutual friend said that she was a known prostitute
Then there was Janelle I knew her since the fourth grade
I knew that one day I'd love her but she moved far away
Then she came back a successful psychiatrist
But compared to her patients she was the absolute craziest
Then one night I met Micah at Elizabeth's house
I gave her a tattoo and that night we went out
We talked about mars, the moon, and the sky
For once in my life the galaxies were aligned
About after two weeks I was floating in bliss
She took my truck to the store, but first she gave me a kiss
Than after an hour I felt something was wrong
She still wasn't back I put the movie on pause
I began to call her, but only got her voice mail
At first I was angry, then hurt, and then scared
The next morning I woke up and to my dismay
My Nissan Frontier was still not in my drive way
Then I called the police and filed a stolen report
He said son are you stupid I said no Im a dork
I never would have thought she'd what what me in the butt
But Officer Goddammit shes gone and I just want my truck
Are there any nice women left on this forsaken earth
One who values our friendship and knows what she's worth
Ive been been single for years theres no more fish in the sea
The waters far too polluted and they've all grown webbed feet
Or maybe three arms, six toes, and two heads
Ive been swimming in this rotten filthy sea of the dead
Women possess me but they never are mine
Nice guys finish last, but Im still standing in line
So rip open my insides and fill me up with your lies
Tell me you love me then rip my heart through my spine
Say that you'll always be there to enlighten my day
But f*ck it no thank you I think I'll just stay away
And Ill write to my congress please clean up the reefs
Because its no longer safe for swimming and its filling with zombies

Jesse James Okoroshi Masu F

Swallowing colors that weighed down my pride
With a smiling face my charisma could hide
Holding these feelings that I just want to hold
Buried by chains hoping in time I'll let go
But only in death will I ever find rest
Sending my demons to hell for all the nights that I've wept
Stripping my bones of this flesh that I've so longed to peel
I get caught in its depths and I just want to kill
While I pray to my God my heart falls from the sky
Deeply buried below where my angels subsides
Displacement of love found in all the wrong places
Anger becomes hate then I detach and just break shit
So tell me again doc how should I let go
Before my serotonin and sanity spill all over the floor
From emptied bottles of pills where your salvation is faceless
Chasing bottles of violence until I get wasted
Naked, deflated, bloody knuckled, and bruises
You stood with closed eyes ignorant and still clueless
With no frame of reference to understand where I died
Or why the darkness surrounding keeps me far from the light
Lord of my life would you please start this over
Dig me out of this hole shrinking from sober to colder
Where the maggots consume the only heaven awaiting
But there's nothing left in this world but myself that can save me

~Jesse Okoroshi Masu Forster ~

She told me to let go it's not that I haven't tried
To get past all the darkness keeping me from the light
When I wake up in the morning before the sunrise
I'm still trapped in this nothing that I've kept inside
So don't be alarmed that I'll have to lie
When you ask if Im ok and I say that Im fine
It's to keep me from falling to pieces or falling too deep
To not see their dead faces when I go back to sleep
I thought it'd get better, but it only gets worse
And the older I get the more echoes are stirred
But please understand I need to clear the air
Free from suggestions and not living in fear
My first defense and armor are my skin and my bones
So I sandblasted my flesh then tore down the walls from my home
Now my friends and my family can see where I've been
I wear this all on my sleeve theres no need to pretend
I've battled addiction, myself, and the end
I fought with my demons, but I didn't win
If I ever felt peace that part of me died in sand
Trapped with the lives that I cannot give back
If you believed theres a Heaven than how would you feel
To know that nothing could save you from going to hell
I should have said this all sooner and made you aware
Because I'll choke to death if I don't clear the air

~ JJf ~

There are many shades of colors and you have painted them so well
I've always envisioned black, because its the only thing I felt
Rather painted from our words or within a sweet soliloquy
Their an expression of ourselves or of the world we wish to seek
Just as one composes colors or form one may also compose emotions
As we reach beyond our infinite from the depths of the bluest oceans
And within the changing seasons that ignites a passion through our dreams
Then only through a rainbow could our world ever find it's voice to sing

Today I'll leave it all behind
And take a drive on the South Side
Circles will come back around
When gravity is pulling down
But hopeless has been but the end
It introduced me to a better friend
Who rode with me through ecliptic lands
With a serpent coiled upon my hand
That lied to me until this day
But like a zombie I ate his brain
To see what really makes him tick
I faced my fears and drove right in
To the darkest depths of this abyss
Where I found the beauty held within
When I saw the beast I slapped his face
Just like a pimp then drove away
Complete with explosions and effects
From in slow motion to driving fast
A determined look inside my eye
Disregarding all speed limit signs
A storm is coming from the west
But damn emotions on this quest
So Rain, rain go away
Please come again some other day
Beelzel hears every word I say
But I hope its You that heard me pray
To get me back to where I was
Streets paved with gold and lined with pubs
Though objects in my rearview mirror
Are still closer than what they appear
I'll focus on the road ahead
And watch behind fall with sunsets

~ JJF~

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The moon is so beautiful especially tonight
Caressing the darkness with it's soft gentle light
It feels like Im moving in circles when I look at the stars in the sky
Like when I stand on the shore watching the oncoming tides
And just for a moment at my own will
I could stretch out my arms and make time stand still

The sunrise is so beautiful especially today
Painting colors in the sky over a canvass of gray
For all that I've outlived and all I've outgrown
For all of the creatures that at times call me home
And just for a moment I felt a peace deep within
Because I never noticed before that I was such a gift

But now my landscape is ravaged and the shoreline is gone
And all of the creatures have already moved on
In the eye of a hurricane Im just a tree
Bending and breaking to its mercy
But in the midst of the chaos Im still standing strong
Beneath the moon and the sun all the heavens and God