fjamesj9701 Poetry (186)

Theres a monster that lives inside of my closet
and he looks just like me
He's awakened by the silence of darkness
because he cannot sleep
He has electric eyes
and they are filled with so many of his dreams
But along with inspiration they fall away into a great deep nothing
Sometimes I can hear him whispering scary things
from underneath my bed
But at times I just think he's alone and he just wants a friend
Other times I go into the bathroom
and I repeat his name
Then I turn the light back on just to see his face again
But what I see coming through in the mirror is a forgotten life
Then I think maybe he's not that scary he just wears a disguise
And when I close the door I see his silhouette at the end of the hall
I close my eyes and realize there is no one at all
Then the silence is abruptly broken by a telephone ring
I pick it up to say hello, but I can only hear screams
But I know now that I'm not being haunted
this is all just in my head
A mixture of over thinking about the shit I just want to forget

*JJF*
4/17/2013

Will you walk with me into forever
Holding my hands without time
We'll ride Halley's comet to the dark side of the moon
where you don't need air to feel alive

We can fly without wings over the Earth
Showering the planets with joy
Skipping from one star to the next
Until we reach the one I remembered as a young boy

It was the first one I saw when I was a child
The one shining so bright in the sky
And I made a wish as simple as this
I wished that I would be here with you in Heaven tonight

Will you come join me at the table
Of the universe sipping silver moon light
There is a trap door in the sun a quiet place just for us
Where our passion ignites fires to bring worlds to life

My self destructive button has been enabled
As I carve out the first piece for my table
Where I will sit alone having a dinner made for two
I watch the candles slowly burn until darkness fills the room
Then I light a cigarette to give myself an excuse
Tomorrow will be better if I choose
I know nothing in this world will last forever
Except the bitterness of asking God for favors
All I have I hold so dear to me
But it escapes through my eyes as they begin to bleed
Tomorrow will the angels sing a song for peace
I pull the covers to my neck, but I just cant sleep
I feel the presence of the devil inside my room
Satisfied that my love has been consumed
But I will find my way back into the morning light
I may be down but I wont give up the fight
You can bend my will, but I will never break
Tomorrow soon will come giving me another day
So I close my heart with my hands and face the night alone
Suddenly my shivers are gone as I embrace the cold
Before I know it tomorrows sunshine fills the room
And outside of my window I watch a flower bloom
Here and there and then I'm back here again
Sitting at my table without my only friend




4/15/2013

Throughout my own self destruction
I have made some clear observations
While lying down with a broken spirit
Just to see if there is more to me
As Im still coming down
Without chance to uplift me
But I need more then wings to fly

Its difficult to not feel a little bit disappointed
as I wonder
When I am lying here naked at the bottom of this fall
Will I look up and see there was no one there at all


*JJF*
4/14/2013

Breathe it in than beathe it out
What took me a life time just to figure out
That what I've been is not what I should be
And who I am takes me away from me

The current is moving fast and I'm moving slow
Holding onto the anchors that I should let go
But You cast a net and it draws me near
It seems the closer that I get I drift away in fear

The breaking water reflects what I've become
As you put the pieces back where I have come undone
But I will pull off my pride and swim to shore
Bring me back to the place that I was once before

Is this where I am for Your sake
Drowning from the ripples of my own wake
But Im coming in so please cover me
And On This Rock Lord please comfort me

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Its not just broken pieces I have picked up from the floor
Its my passions, its all my desires that have fallen
Its more than disappointments that have left me wanting more
Its inspiration from my beautiful disasters
Im crawling
Into my garden where my burdens have been sewn
If there is a hell below than its darkness too will grow
Lay down my head as the sun ignites the morning sky
Facing the heavens where my wings have yet learned to fly
On seedless grounds distractions and chaos tell me lies
Lord please light the temple darkened by my eye
Following Your footsteps but by religion I am not owned
Grant me relationship to be a choir at Your throne
From dust You gave me life and as dust I shall return
Harvest my remains until the dead are called to rise above the earth
Will my weight drag me down or will I cast them away as I ascend
How will I protect my soul, tell me how do I make ammends
...To a life after death...

I cannot deny
All of this anger in my veins
Its bleeding out with all this pain
But you cannot disguise
All of your faceless apathies
They're all swallowed by your travesties

So why should I even try
If you say you hate me
Than why won't you let me be
Because you only want
What you cannot have
But then you killed the love we had

No More
I push you pull
I stay you go
No More

I cannot describe
What its like to feel this drain
As you infiltrate my brain
But you cannot define
What it means to live in peace
Instead you blame your hate on me
So while I rot inside
I let you get the best of me
But I wont let you kill the rest of me
Because you cannot live my life
Although I know you'll try
But I would rather die

No More
I push you pull
I stay you go
No More

GIve me a knife to cut you out of my throat

*JJF*
4/14/2013

I love her madly, today I love her even more
I'm just so disappointed with the outcome
Her love once consumed me with fire, but now the burning is done
All that's left is the choking smoke then theres the tiredness from boring dilemma
Love gets fingered knuckle deep, but oh well is all I can say
If I peel away this blistered skin just to make it bleed
Then will you pour salt inside the infection to stimulate me
A most unpleasant way for anyone to feel
But for me at least I know its real
So draw a dotted line around this heart of mine
I no longer think I need you
Surgically severing my siamese twin is the only way to kill her memory,
my homicidal parasite


*JJF*
4/14/2013

---- IMAGE REMOVED because photobucket.com no longer allows embedded images ----I found God while smoking my last cigarette
Holding on to the chains that bind me to regret
Remembering all the things that I know I should forget
But all this time I failed to see the colors behind Your silhouette
I then opened my eyes to fall in love with first light
Shedding my skin from the last night when I died
And I will still hold my breath until I meet death
With every new day I awake I wil die in this flesh
Giving life to a spirit under the weight of my shame
While everything turns into dust my faith will remain
Mountains will crumble and fall to the sea
Such a beautiful disaster I found inside of me

This is my world,
Centered in Your universe.
Can I go outside and play,
Asked the child whose eyes were so amazed.
Is grown up and about to break,
For this I am losing faith
Why should I open up my heart just to find a new kind of pain?
Right before I burst,
It grows from bad to worse.
All of these faces I hide behind,
Are to light the darker ones I have kept inside.
But You...
You asked me what am I running from and where I'm running to,
After all these tears is forgiveness something I deserve from You
and what I've put You through.
How could someone so easily love me as the sun lights a darkened moon
Because when I least expected it
....there was Still You

I met a woman named Mary on the side of the road
She has all of her bags packed but no place to go
She pushes two shopping carts full of everything she owns
And whatever ground welcomes her for the night is her home
I asked her if she minded keeping me company for awhile
And in return I would buy her something to eat for a smile
We talked about her children then we talked about mine
She told me how they no longer cared and Mary began to cry
I could hear in her voice a need for someones compassion
Then surprisingly she made a joke and we both started laughing
I wondered when was the last time she felt anyones love
How long has it been since she felt another humans touch
Written off by society as a low piece of trash
But Mary has faith that this soon will pass
I took her by the hand and together we prayed
That's when I heard Mary say "God thank you for today"

Breathing in than breathing faster,
A perfect disaster this life of mine.
I need a drink while I'm still here waiting,
For this to all to be over and I'll be home.
To sit by myself and think for a second
Turning into minutes and now hours long.
I turn on the T.V. just clear the silence,
But just like always there is nothing on.
Except for the news, but thats so depressing,
And the weather man is always wrong.
I lift my voice to clear out the ghost,
With a voodoo doll and my imported monkey gong.
It's pretty and gold, red trimming and swirls,
My own ancient chinese secret hex reverse curse.
It says ring it once then bow to the east,
Then read the inscription its in cantonese.
If I follow these simple directions my demons will be driven,
But unfortunately my ghost only seem to speak english
They continue to haunt me they rearranged my kitchen and stacked my dishes
Then kept changing the channels on my television
But they complimented me on my efforts with a nice try,
Gave me a pat on my back and even said good night.