fjamesj9701 Poetry (186)

Why can't i walk down a street
...free of suggestion?

Is the body my only trait
... in the eye's of men?
Within the eyes of man

Well I've got some skin
Do you want to look in
Cause Ive got some

There lays no reward
...in what you discover
You spent yourself boy
...watching me suffer
Suffer your words
Suffer your eyes
Suffer your hands
Suffer your interpretation
...of what it is
of what it is to be a man

Well I've got some skin
Do you want to look in
Cause I've got some

Another cold night sitting at the edge of my bed?
I'm surrounded by these things I want but they have no substenance
Can I download happiness or does it plug into my walls
What is the point of autonomy when a little button does it all
Because what I need feels the same as breathing
Like when I look to the west and Im California dreaming
So I made some plans the rest I left to chance
But most of all it was due to event circumstance
Every day I try to make sense and understand
When all I need is to feel my heart inside your hand
But then you took my beating flesh and ripped it out
Shoving a fist full of shit back down my mouth
Ive ate enough of it before to not mind the taste
Its something like bitter sweetness but hold the grace
Then I searched myself laying back down on my bed
I realize this to will pass and the sun will shine again

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I would like to paint my dreams with all the colors I find in you
Because lately all of my own they have been darkened and so gloom
If I could be the man you deserve I would gift wrap the world for you
Then buy a golden spaceship and carve your face upon the moon
So if I should ever lose my way your light will guide me home
Where I could find some peace in knowing I am not alone
But I am just a simple man who lives his life for you
And nothing I have seen compares to everything you do
My landscape would be empty if I couldn't share the view
And I would never want to wake up so I could paint more dreams of you
~ JJF~

Candle light the dark side of the moon
I have kept this part of me from you
Decorate my heart just like a grave
As I bury this love deep inside and softly away
Without sovereignty I lay silenced and still in your womb
Shoveling dirt on my face until my bodies consumed
A rare flower in bloom you carefully placed in my hands
I gave it myself with my life, but you took it right back
Its the scent of a roses beauty that I cannot explain
Or why Im losing my soul its the same with the scent of the rain
Even beneath the cold earth my shadow has no place to hide
Just as your smile still burns the back of my eyes

Would you show me how you sleep so sweetly
Or could you teach me how not to dream
Mine have been deliberately consuming
Considerately they've been killing me
With reoccurring nightmares
Of creaking cemetery gates
The silent screams among the undead
As they lay me down within my grave
My heart beats restlessly inside of panic
Anticipating this hell I've never met
But it promised me that it missed me
Through all the nights I never slept
Its fingers grip tightly around my throat
The other hand covers my eyes
It hated that I believed in God
And all of His softly unspoken lies
Then I awake within a deeper panic
I still feel the impressions of its hands
Lord how many nights must I be pulled under
Before your heavens will take me back

~JJF ~

I started a canvas with only colors of gray
But then I realized I made an outline of your face
So I painted your lips something I really miss
The tenderness and warmth of your beautiful kiss
I colored your eyes they were as blue as the sky
They held all of my dreams and answered every question why
That I ever wondered about my short life
You gave me a reason to be and hopes to fly
And I didn't mind that we would fight sometimes
Because that gave our friendship a stronger reason to try
I began drawing your features as I remember whispering in your ears
Please don't ever to be afraid and that I love you my dear
So I painted some pink and red on the sides of your cheeks
Because when you showed emotions your colors would speak
As I rubbed on your body your scent would remain on my hands
If the world held hidden treasures then your body was the map
As I kissed you on your neck and I catch the smell of your hair
When my mind was congested you were a breath of fresh air
Then I kissed you on your lips and again on your head
You're just like a dream that I will never forget

*JJF*
5/5/2013

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Peel away the rotten apples that I sneezed out from my eyes
They will never be forgotten, but their infected by all those worms inside
The core was once the center of life, but now it has grown soft
As this baby has grown older and is no longer cute at all
Their skin is misbehaving and they leave an old fermenting smell
All the secrets they've been keeping I wonder what they would tell
As I dwell upon these memories, but there aren't any facts
Only counter intuitive directions mislead by simple acts
This apple is for my daughters and this one is for my friends
These are from my childhood memories, the ones I hoped would never end
And these are for my family here is my dear old mom and dad
I am still wishing for those moments, but they are never coming back
Now I sail away into oblivion, because there is nothing left inside
Just a little boy who loved to dream, but that part of me has also died

~ JJF~

I've been crawling through my insides
Trying to figure out where it all begins
Than I feel the ground beneath me tremble
Is there something below the surface rising
The foundation begins to crumble
The walls I have built they come crashing down
Swallowed by this chaos it pulls me under
Into this insecure world that I've been hiding
As I crawl between the empty spaces
I try to put the pieces where they all fit in
But is hope just delightful thinking or a device used for shedding skin
Angels above me begin singing
They tell me to open up my heart again
A demon than appears before me
and he extends his hand with a freindly grin
Casting a calm reflection of who I was or who I really am
Guided by a faint dismal light I'll overcome this hell within

~JJF ~

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Hopeful but its so mundane
Filling the hollowness with more empty pleasure
But it takes my hand and and walks me through this withering decay
Into the ecliptic silence,
Self medicated diluted dreams
A mixture of over stimulation and desensitizing me
Somewhere between ominous and beautiful
Letting the darkness consume my conscious brain
Until the sun can realign and pulls me back into this day
To overcome this strange numbness
Of self inflicted shadowing
Butterflies once warmed me up inside until I pulled off all their wings
Holding memories I cant forget while praying to a God who has forgot
But we are only allowed to keep the things that we have already lost
Sometimes living is not enough without sovereignty
As these flightless insects crawl back inside
Then perhaps through their death life would be more satisfied
Finger deep I draw a line then stand to face a blackened sky
I reevaluate Your presence now without You Lord then where am I
Because this is me You were my light, subsequently my faith has died
Somewhere below the surface of this shifting unstable world of mine

Overwhelmed with fear
I whispered into the rain
Disarming defenses,
Giving in to the gray
Tearing down all of my shelter
within my hollowed decay
While this echoing silence
gave every tear drop a name
They begin filling the voids
with mundane hopes for a change
Heaven will save me from hell
and blue skies will reign
Lazily lay in green grass
watching clouds drift away
It's all but a deflated dream
now that my colors have changed
My thoughts have become restless noise
of uncertainties rearranged
Damning my emotions,
lies decorated with grace
Now I stand with a hardened heart
in the sobering autumn rain
I'm disarmed and defenseless,
... Giving in to the gray

~ Jesse Okoroshi Masu James F ~

It was only yesterday that incident became an epidemic
I knew shit would hit the fan from all the movies I have rented
When I heard the news I began to collect my family near
And I put them in the attic hidden above my chandelier
Then I removed a portrait of the president hanging from my wall
Where I store enough guns and ammunitions to start a small war
If you knew what my fellow soldiers on domestic lands were training for
Then you would buy beans, bullets, and bandaids every time you hit the store
But theres nothing small about the chaos outside my front door
At first I heard the screaming then it was followed by their moans
And like a herd of turtles stamping through peanut butter they gave chase
Im baffled how these nimrods served themselves up on cold plates
People tend to be very clumsy when they panic its a trip
Dropping keys and falling down like some cheesy horror flick
So like the hare beaten by the tortoise Mr Johnson came in last
He beats his dog when he gets drunk I hope they bite him in his a**
What did I tell you? Mr d*ck Johnson just led them right up to my porch
So I shot him in the leg and I threw the dead a fork
When in a frenzy with my guns a'blazing they were dropping one by one
Then two by threes and threes by fours killing zombies became fun
I was even slashing them and stabbing them as I punched one in the lip
Lost in all of my excitement I failed to see a tooth lodged in my fist
I began to think about my family and all thats yet to come
And almost instantly I felt infection contaminate my blood
So I wrote them my final poem to further express my love
But I kept it short and simple leaving little time for hugs
I first explained that Ive been bitten, but isn't the place to show them fear
Its the time to come together and outlive the undead years
And that I will fight with them as long as I can until the end
But when its time to go I want to be remembered as a man
So a unit we cleared the perimeter and kicked the zombies a**
I handed my poem to my mother and placed a gun inside my fathers hand
Its time to go so lift the barrel to my head and please don't hesitate
I said goodbye and that I love them, I closed my eyes and then a
...BANG !

…."To my loving family please forgive me that I kept you all at bay
I had so many wrinkles to iron out before I could see your face and stand up strait
So fight with bravery and common sense and don't die foolishly like me
And let your bonds become the freedom that brings you joy and peace
Today the world may have changed, but don't let it change the perfect person that you are
And even though Im gone always know Im never far
I should of said this sooner instead of waiting for a zombie apocalypse
But remember all the good times and let the laughter guide your steps"

~ JJF~

Black is made up of many colors, you can find them all inside
I too became this color from everything I hide
But shine your upon me I become transparent then I glow
Just like a prism bending light I am a colorful rainbow
But without you I am translucent, dull, and uninspired
Until you place your hand in mine and then our worlds are set on fire
And when everything is consumed but the ashes burning an image of your face
Into my mind behind my eyes I find my refuge back in my darkest place
Where I say hello to the stinging wasp inside my head
And then I say goodbye to the butterflies trapped inside my neck