Are You Too Nice for Your Own Good?

Were you brought up to believe that "being nice costs nothing?" If so, there's a chance that you're a chronically nice person. Take a look at the modern definition of niceness and you might think there's nothing wrong with the trait. Nice people give pleasure and satisfaction; they're agreeable and delightful. So where's the problem? Problems arise from an imbalance in give and take; if the give is all on your side, then the cost of being nice is probably too great.

Some of the possible drawbacks of being too nice.

• People take advantage of you because you always put their needs and wants before your own.
• You live a lie because you agree with others rather than giving your honest opinions.
• You're underestimated and taken for granted because you don't assert yourself.
• You're ignored because you lack presence.
• You're an easy touch, so people manipulate you.
• People are rude to you because they know you'll let them get away with it.
• You're so busy trying to please others that your own personality doesn't fully develop. --You find you don't know who you are.

What to do to correct the imbalance.

• Don't agree with others just to be liked. People who never disagree tend to be invisible or disliked for being ingratiating. Be honest.
• Express your views in a composed, assertive way--let your voice be heard. Speak more loudly if necessary, but do not shout. Your opinion matters too.
• Don't go unnoticed by those who matter to you. Make the effort to talk to people. Let them see you for the rounded person you are. Study the art of conversation, if necessary.
• Don't let others manipulate you. Stand your ground if someone tries to make you feel guilty for not doing what they want all of the time.
• Set boundaries. Say no occasionally.
• Be mindful of your interaction with people. Don't launch into automatic niceness; take a moment to stop and think before choosing your response.
• Don't be aggressive or nasty; it's no improvement on being too nice.
• Don't let being nice stop you from being yourself. Establish a balance between putting yourself and your feelings first, and showing kindness and consideration to others. If you want a motto to live by, you should consider this one: "To thine own self be true."