10 Ways You are Destroying Your Own Relationship

If your relationship isn't going well, the problem might be you. Are you engaging in one of these 10 relationship killers? If this sounds like you, you'll need to make a change now if you want to save your partnership.

1. You expect your partner to read your mind.

Do you sometimes get angry when your partner fails to live up to your expectations? Ask yourself if you've made your wants and needs clear.

People often think that they are effectively communicating what they want, but in reality they are expecting their partners to figure it out for themselves.

Consider how you ask for what you need. If you're just expecting the other person to know what you want, you're setting yourself up for failure.

2. You make assumptions about what your partner is thinking.

Do you assign meaning to your partner's innocuous actions? For example, do you assume that when your partner comes home late it's because you're not important? Or do you think that when your partner fails to take out the trash, the message is that you don't do enough around the house?

It's easy in a relationship to become hyper-sensitive and read into your partner's actions. If you're unclear about the other person's feelings, ask.

3. You don't respect your partner.

Do you think of your partner's activities and responsibilities as less than your own?

Sometimes when people don't understand another's choices, they find it hard to value those decisions. They may also begin to devalue the person.

4. You go silent in conflicts.

Conflict is difficult for most people, and things get complicated quickly when it involves someone you love.

How you handle conflict is a key factor in the potential success of your relationship, and tuning out is not healthy. If you shut down or run for cover every time you and your partner disagree, you're never going to work things out.

You have to be willing to step up and discuss issues if you're going to be together long term.

5. You focus on what is wrong.

Just like everyone else in the world, your partner has faults and virtues. You should always be looking for and celebrating your partner's best qualities. If you find instead that you're jumping on the faults, you may be headed for disaster.

Make an effort to appreciate what your partner does right.

6. You use sex to control your partner.

In a healthy relationship, sex is a time for both people to share their love and affection for one another. Sometimes one partner might be more interested in sex than the other, but you do what you can for each other.

If you find that you're withholding sex because you're angry about something or if you're promising sex to get something you want, it's a warning sign that your relationship is in danger.

7. You put other people or activities before your relationship.

Your relationship is not your only responsibility in life. You may have children, friends and parents who count on you each day, and you may also have a job or even a hobby that takes a lot of your time.

It's important to have activities outside of your relationship, but be careful of allowing something else to take center stage to the point that your partner is in the shadows.

Your relationship should always be a high priority in your life. Consistently choosing something else will cause damage.

8. You compare your partner to other people.

Do you look at other relationships and become bitter because you think someone else has it better than you do?

No one can know what goes on in the heart of a relationship other than the two people who are in it. Be careful about comparing your partner to someone else because you don't know the details.

Your partner is never going to become that other person, so try to focus on what is wonderful about your relationship rather than being jealous of someone else.

9. You can't let things go.

People make mistakes, and sometimes you need to just look the other way. When you find that you are constantly picking on your partner about little things, take a breath and ask yourself if it's really that important.

Also avoid bringing up big issues from the past. If you've already managed the problem, let it stay in the past.

10. You threaten to leave.

Successful relationships work because both people are committed to staying together. If you threaten to leave each time you fight, you aren't really committed.

The same is true if you find yourself daydreaming about being single or being with someone else. If this is happening to you on a regular basis, you'll need to change your attitude or consider ending the relationship.

Relationships can be challenging. Outside forces push people apart, and conflicts can be difficult to handle. However, sometimes the people in the relationships are the reason for the damage.

If you find that you are engaging in any of these relationship ending behaviors, take a serious look at your attitude and actions. Changing yourself may very well turn your relationship around.