To my darling husband,
Before you return home from your overseas trip I just wanted to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick-up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The Garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your beloved Ferrari.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.
XXX
PS - your girlfriend called.
Birth control?
BAN IT!
Abortion?
BAN IT!
Gay marriage?
BAN IT!
Guns?
Look, banning things never works. People will find ways to get them.
(Not my own. Spotted on Twitter)(Go shout at Twitter)
This could be a blog about bans that never worked. Or it could turn into arguments between people. Or it could head off in another direction altogether. That's the fun about CS blogs. They can pass into obscurity, or become raging debates.
CS rocks.
I’ve noticed an odd thing, when I’m looking at profiles. I instantly like, or dislike, people who remind me of other people I have known. We’ve talked about this on a blog before, I think one of Cat’s, that a likeness isn’t a guide to personality, and yet I still do it.
One guy changed his profile pic soon after we started talking. He tried to say it was a more recent pic, and they WERE similar, but it was his nose that was familiar in the first photo, and it was definitely not the same nose in the second!
It is much easier in real life, not just a pic to go on. The way someone acts / reacts, gestures they make: in poker, they call it their ‘tells’
I recently met a guy who looked me earnestly in the eye as he told me about his single status, but flicked his ear with his hand
*warning buzzer* Hey, I knew someone who used to do that, and she was a pathological liar. Yup. He was married. Ha! Gotcha!
I find I base my expectations of anyone I meet socially, new colleagues, whatever, on the people they remind me of. Sometimes, there is no reminder. Sometimes I'm wrong. More and more often I'm right, as I learn people. I’m turning into Miss Marple.
Getting ready for that first meeting, half-mocking yourself, half-hoping. He looks nice, he makes you laugh, if nothing else it will be fun. Nerve-wracking, but fun, even if there’s nothing more. But what if there is? The music plays in the background, builds the mood, makes you dance as you get ready, feeling the tingle build.
You’re slightly nervous, so you put on too much makeup, and an expressionless doll stares back out the mirror. Nope. Tone it down. Wayyy down.
Which lippy? The natural, the vampy dark one? But if he hates lippy, the vampy dark one will be a disaster. Go for the natural.
Scent: throat, nape of the neck, wrists. You grin at your reflection and impulsively add a dab at the backs of your knees. Who knows, he could be tracking it down ...
The third outfit you try on is the one. Wow! HOT. Do the twirl – yup. Work it, work it . . .
Damn, wish I had a date tonight! For all of you getting ready to go out, far too busy to read this blog, you look FAB. Have a brilliant time – and don’t forget to tell us all about it!
I feel all tingly and energetic. Good workout.
Now to find a treadmill ...
Posting these, then over and out. Night all.
A sign in a shoe repair store in Vancouver read:
We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place."
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"
I used to believe only boring people get bored. Wow, I must be really boring because I have never been so bored in my life.
I feel better, stronger, healthier and more confident now than I did 10 years ago, hell, 20 years ago. And what am I doing with all this energy, this bubbling vitality?
NOTHING.
I thought I was bored because I was in a relationship that was going nowhere. Then I thought I was bored because it stopped going altogether. Now I've taken a horrible but really well-paid job and am still writing so that one way and another I'll have funds in hand when something exciting comes along.
Any time now ...
Right?
You know when you write a response, and then think 'can't send that' but you really, REALLY, want to?
Giving advice is the most tempting thing in the world. It wasn't asked for. It won't be appreciated. I know from past experience that only true friends can stand that sort of feedback, and this is not a true friendship. It could be, one day. If I shut up now.
I know I should sleep on it. I KNOW I should. But that impulse to press *send* is very nearly overwhelming.
I should probably go mow the wilderness which is my lawn and do some housework first.
Then re-read it. Then sleep on it. Then re-read it tomorrow. I know if I do, I will end up scrapping it.
But I really want to send it!
Maybe talking clothes are the way forward. We all know the 'I'm with Stupid' t-shirts, and the 'my parents went to Mars and all I got was this silly shirt' but this is more to the point. Handy for some types.
We could advertise, too. 'Love music, love to dance'. 'I brush up well' 'Singleton looking for Mr (or Ms) Right'.
T-shirt suggestions, please. Oh, and by all means apply as a trader. I see CS shirts taking the world by storm.
There's a faintly related youtube clip I'm going to hunt down and add, mainly because I think it very funny. And it mentions t-shirts.
of what we are supposed to be wearing and doing by now in 2015. And ooh, look, the original Biff, he's come back to the future.
I do want to know where my hoverboard is.
I was at a family gathering this weekend and looking at books in the lounge when I heard my cousin telling her sister-in-law about one of the guests. Only when she said 'her sister Anne, on the other hand' did I realize they were talking about me.
It wasn't anything horrible (or lovely!) as it happens, it just wasn't the way I would have described me.
Has that ever happened to you?
Hands up are you one of those lovely drivers who sees the fast lane is moving briskly so pulls into it to drop down to sixty mph?
Why?
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