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Choosing Your Battles: How to Keep a Silly Argument From Derailing a Good Relationship

Choosing Your Battles How to Keep a Silly Argument From Derailing a Good Relationship

Whether you are newly involved with your partner or you have spent a year or more together already, you may have already had an argument together. Arguments are unavoidable, a natural result of the friction that occurs when two people with different mindsets enter into an intimate relationship. It is possible to choose your battles however, and knowing how and when to make this choice is vital to the health and longevity of your partnership.

The saying goes that prevention is the best medicine, and this is just as true when it comes to the health of our social connections and relationships. By observing how you and your partner interact, you should be able to pinpoint issues that act as triggers for argument. If you live together and regularly leave the dishes piled up in the sink or neglect other household chores, changing your habits and doing your part around the house will probably lessen the friction between you and your partner. Arguments are often triggered by mundane issues such as these. Even if you're not living with your partner, there's still the possibility that you do something that annoys them when you're together.

Of course, prevention doesn't always work. Some habits simply can't be broken, and there will always be at least a few issues that the two of you cannot agree upon. This is only natural. After all, you're two different people with different tastes and different ideas about the world. The fact that you're in a relationship together does not mean that you have to become one in mind. However, these differences can act as catalysts for conflict if they are not recognized and put into perspective.

The best way to avoid unnecessary arguments is to create understandings regarding small issues that are likely to cause some friction in the future. Subjects like schedules, planning, and cleanliness can easily be agreed upon given the right attitude. By talking about these possible problems before they become problems, you and your partner can save the fighting for the important issues.

And rest assured: there will be fighting. No long-term relationship can avoid it. By saving your energy for the really serious subjects, though, you can avoid the risk of fighting over things that are not worth the effort. If you've spent the last few months finding ways to address those issues beforehand, you and your partner will also most likely be more inclined to settle your major differences through negotiation and compromise rather than by accusations and insults.

Comments (2)

VivianLee
And if you agreed to avoid certain behaviours because they bug X, even though Y thinks them harmless, then Y carries on doing them anyway?

Maybe when you don't care enough to fight, that's the worst sign of all. Or maybe subconsciously you recognize the issues aren't worth the argument. Don't know. I do know X can no longer be bothered. Y can go for it, sunshine, with my blessing.
Brianebartlett
I agree with this assessment 100% Very good subject matter and reasons for possible conflicts. I think this article should be issued to people contemplating marriage to think about before entering marriage, and for young couples just starting out as well. These suggestions listed here are also a safe substitute for marriage counselling as well.

I wish I had seen this fine document before I and my wife had our arguments and fights, this could've saved us a lot of problems and grief and could've prevented a separation as well.

Thanks for a very thoughtful and well written document.

You have my grateful endorsement!!!

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