This is how we do it in the winter.
Its too warm, too humid, too many flies..................................
My cat likes strange places.
Q: Why was Raggedy Anne kicked out of the toy box?
A: She was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face saying "lie to me."
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Anne with the Pillsbury Doughboy?
A: A red headed b*tch with a yeast infection.
Q: What do you have when you hold two little green balls in your hand?
A: Kermit the frog's undivided attention!
Q: How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
A: She has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil.
A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes." After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house............. and left it there all night.
A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...
"Oh really, I can't," he replies, "My wife loves this beard!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in.
That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies, "Oh Tom, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"
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