From a distance ... one step at a time.
Go slow or jump in with both feet?
We're all so spread out. There are wonderful people all over the planet and we meet a small sample here on CS. But when someone wonderful is found... then what?
The closest 'potentially someone wonderful' I've seen here is 3 hours away. Generally, it would seem that any relationship on CS is going to require someone to relocate... not a small or simple decision.
So... if it's going to happen... and you're going to take a chance on someone wonderful here on CS... what are the steps?
E-mail... chat ... Skype/cam ... visit once? twice? ... quit your job? ... put your things in storage or get rid of everything? ... put money aside so you'll be able to go back home if it doesn't work out?
Complicated? Talk about it? "Just do it"? Go slow?
Some have made the leap of faith ... some are thinking about it ... do you have any advice or suggestions or warnings or congratulations to share?
Adventure is wonderful and frightening... Ready to take a chance?
Comments (39)
I think going into a relationship from a distance is pretty rough. Who is willing to move?
I vote for Complicated! Go slow!!!
I would say that actually what we need is the 'right person' who usually regardless of distance and all, we would feel sucha big urge to always be together all the time as soon as possible. The one who would somehow share the same feelings with and you both have faith in the relationship.
It's doable but the main ingredient is finding that 'right person'
Something worthwhile is worth the effort and the challenge... but it sure seems like a lot of effort/challenge if the connection isn't a truly special one.
Yet I wonder about other perspectives... perhaps some have seen this type of relationship work... more than once... and it feels a bit more normal to them. It'll be interesting to see if anyone here shares that sort of perspective.
The problem with long distance is your living your life without them,and when you in a romantic relationship the whole point is too live your life with them. To share your daily lives.
Absences does not make the heart grow fonder,it makes you forget. This is natures way of being kind to us.
I think there are different relationship skills ... knowing when it's good to try new things together ... when it's good to just be quiet together ... when a vacation is best ... lots of different things in a relationship that we can be good at... things that help us continue a close relationship.
There are other skills... communication and understanding... and things that can help with distance... perhaps even some ingredients that can't be described... and visits... perhaps becoming longer and more frequent...
It seems to work for some...
It does make me think ... and gives my imagination something to do at times.
How's your capacity to trust? It would seem that both would need a good capacity... that the other is being authentic... no games... not just seeing what the other will do to prove themselves ... not just waiting to find the reason it won't all work ... seems like this would be necessary......
Do you ever exercise your imagination on things like this? For the 0.1% that work ... is it just luck? Perhaps it is...
I wouldn't pin my dreams to starting a relationship like this... but if it happened... I don't think I'd give up because it's difficult. Actually, it takes quite a bit to break my will.
Realistic though... can't disagree with you... practical approaches have a high success rate.
I'm a practical person ... with a bit of a dreamer trapped inside.
Culture... depends on how adaptable one might be... family... depends on how close (physically and emotionally)... kids (a tougher challenge always)...
But just one needs to move... and as Morgen notes, half a planet away is as far as one can go... only half! (yes, that's still 'a world apart'
For me, there would be a plan... and conversation... and a visit with more conversation... and time to wonder if we're crazy... and time to act crazy... and moments of doubt followed by a time of clarity... and a garage sale.
And if this approach makes sense to her... and she has her own plan, her own process, and reaches her own point of clarity ... well ... could happen.
The right people... the right skills... both with a dreamer inside... could happen.
we exchanged so much through our letters, i felt we knew each other,i would write that i would move back and he would say how how happy he would be if i did.
well i did and to make a long story short it had been a couple of years and i found he was engaged to be married. the only answer i got was "i never thought you'd really come back"
today if i met someone i thought was really the one i would find a way to be by his side asap.i feel i can get a job in any state and with airplanes it wouldn't take that long, however i would still keep my place for a bit just in case. so my answer would be if you feel someone is that special just do it but have a back up plan until you know it's for real
On a personal note, I've once tried a long distant with someone in Florida, the time difference was quiet a hassle.
Fun things I can remember are the ways we try to be creative and connect with each other everyday as close as possible.
Needless to say about the phone bills
Since most of the time when I'm awake it's his time to sleep, we always recorded a video of whatever we want to say about our day or just about anything and send the video so when the other is awake we could download and watch it.
Another way is to skype and watch a television streaming together. We once watched together a live feed of snow storm in New York and it was really, really amazing.
Too bad that he found someone living closer to him, but well c'est la vie
Once, I had an Australian suitor, we talked for about a year and maintain a good communication. He came to the Phils and we shared ideas about the future. He wanted to do it (marriage) right then and there. I felt I was not ready enough. I was very young. So I said No. I thought it over how many times because I had to choose, finish school or get married. And I chose school. Or because I didn't feel all enough love to said Yes.
What I am saying is, if I feel he is the one and provided he feels the same for me, I would take the risk. I am open for a long distance relationship, as long as both of us would give the effort to risk and make the relationship work and that would lead into something more worthwhile eventually.
I've witnessed with my very own eyes, a couple living thousand miles away got married in only 2 months since their first meeting in person, well maybe they were so lucky and they were meant to be together, but they had to do their paperwork before they can get married. All the process went smooth for them. The lady is Indonesian and her spouse is New Zealander and a holder of Australian PR. She gave up her job and she had to wait for about 3 months to take care of her visa (she applied for 2; NZ partner visa and visitor visa). Now she lives happily with her husband and they have celebrated their 1st anniversary
Give yourself a try and I wish you good luck for it
Something similar to the theme of your blog, live your dream
Thanks for this topic,it does help me understand more about relationship at distance.
Wish you a nice Sunday!
Hi there, West Coast!
Okay... sense of adventure... that's a good one on the side of 'go for it'.
Even within a country there can be culture shock... city life versus country life... the hills of Tennessee versus the wide open spaces of Montana... I suppose the limits of adaptability might need to be explored... (need emoticon with safari hat)
To the adventure.
"...until you know it's for real." That's really the key, isn't it?
There's a time of romance when getting to know someone... when you want to show all the right intentions and how everything could happen. Some of it is real and some of it might not be.
At some point you'd need to make sure you each knew what was completely real... the doubts and fears and backup plans... it's not romantic... doesn't feel romantic... but when you're already working against the odds... it would seem that being practical would be more important.
Sorry your romance didn't play out as planned. Hopefully, no regrets and 'all for the best' when looking back (?)
Anyways - Nice to see you!
Thank you for your story! ... Florida, eh? ... also sunny and warm... makes me smile, the two of you watching a snow storm here
The dreamer is still alive and well inside you, isn't it?
Always good to see you too, happy Sunday btw!
Must say that am a hopeless romantic so yea, the dreamer is alive and kicking inside
Recovering from a vacation in Lake Toba, North Sumatra, such an amazing place, uploading pics to facebook hahaha
Hope you're enjoying your Sunday
On my side was a dark day and rain, like wasn't inuff that rain all week
But i happy to hear you have fun and dig a bit in the garden
Make sure you know the person really well and know you can trust them, before you commit to anything.
Whether it is taking the leap of faith or the calculative approach, i would keep it at the back of my mind, that somewhere there is a chance something can/will go wrong(Murphy's law).
I used to be the jump all in kind of guy, but that changed.
But on the other hand even if i jump all in and fail, i will not regret it, i will man up to the adversity that comes, because i made a choice, i need to stick with it even if it fails. But if it works out, all the more better!
There is a certain timing to things in life. I think opportunities are wonderful but not as rare as they sometimes seem.
You chose one opportunity (education) that felt like the right opportunity to focus on at the time. And that choice brings you to where your life is today.
Thinking of tomorrow and the future... It's nice to keep watching for opportunities and to not judge them too quickly (in my opinion)... It appears that you have a comfortable outlook on this topic... perhaps a key part of having the right relationship skills to make (initial) distance work.
what..... you wanna be where you are and all alone...
La Chica! - Hey, there.
Thank you for staring a story of success! 2 months from 1st meeting to marriage... um... that's fast!
It would seem that much of their time to get to know each other would need to come after they were married. Hmm... that seems like another good blog topic. We never know each other (or ourselves) 100% ... but how well do we need to know each other before getting married? I'm sure this is different for everyone...
Taking Chances w/Celine
Yep... taking chances.
Two months indeed and I was amazed (so were the bride and the groom actually), but all I can say they are happy now to be together and they have celebrated their 1st anniversary last January
It's not impossible though but it's not easy to do either in the other hand
Marsh! - Vacation?
To the lake ... terrific! ... water can be fun ... hopefully comfortable days and beautiful sites. Welcome back.
Firas - Hot weather for you... hmm... I'm not much of a fan of the heat. It's okay... depends on what I'm doing...
Sunday I was putting up fencing around the garden... lots of sweat (buried the bottom a few inches to keep critters out)... lots of water... not easy to stay hydrated when it's hot.
Sort of nice to see a big dose of reality hit Wall Street... bet lots of folks are a bit peeved about this though.
Glad your financial house is in order.
Lovepreet_55 - It's nice to meet you.
Know them... trust... keep a safety net (backup plan)... It sounds like you've reached a level of guts, responsibility, and in there somewhere, some optimism. Good advice! Thank you for sharing your outlook.
It sounds like you're ready... that who you're with is more important than where you are. ... Sounds brave.
Care and caution and luck and bravery... and an adventure.
ruthscs - Risks = Yes ... but this sort of risk is a bit too much it seems ... fair enough.
Thank you for your thoughts!
La Chica - Not easy but not impossible ... some of the cold reality of this sort of decision ... yes, indeed.
Thank you everyone! Having fun on the blogs ... yes, indeed.