Time To Talk, Time To Be Silent
There is a saying: "Talking is silver and being silent is gold". There must be some wisdom in the thought that often, staying silent prevents from troubles, misunderstanding, and conflicts. It gives us time to listen: to the others and to our thoughts. On the other hand, there are many situations when a word can say/save everything...Like about everything else, there is a right time for talking and a right time for being silent. The thing is to know when these times are..
Some situations:
Your beloved man comes home from work hungry and tired. Do you pour on him everything that has happened to you during the day? Your complaints, problems, and worries? Or you give him a kiss and a tasty dinner... and your love? And leave the talk... for when? He falls asleep in your hug after the love session. And in the morning he hurries for work... Dear gentlemen, when is the best moment to share with you our thoughts and problems?
You love somebody. You know that the person in question has some feelings too but you want to know exactly where you are. At the same time you don t want to scare the person away. Do you directly ask about their feelings or you keep the things vague since you prefer the vagueness and hopes than the possible negative answer? Everything or nothing? Or patience and vagueness...
Do you intuitively feel when to talk and when to stop and "bite your tongue"? Does the never ending chatter means a better communication? Does the long silence mean a broken one? Do you share your worries or you prefer to keep them for yourself?
Comments (58)
Personally I like it, but it could be detrimental for you at times tho.
One of the most damaging practices is the constant need to be told that you are loved and appreciated . Yes it is nice to hear but to constantly nag a person on the subject is to seed its demise . What is someone to say in this question ? If you want an honest and heartfelt answer then it should come without an iquirey .
How many times do you hear the complaint " you never say you love me " . Love is something that should be felt not just heard . If you don't feel it then perhaps a more pertainent question should be asked .
How many words am I allowed to use in my comment?
You need to know yourself and know each other well enough to have these answers. You need to teach each other what your best times are to talk (about serious topics). You need to let each other know when your day has been hard so your partner knows that it's not a good night to discuss a long list of problems. You need to be willing to say "Today has been a little challenging. Do you have time to talk about it?" ... and to reply with wisdom ... "It's been rough for me too ... can we talk after dinner?" ... or "sure... (and a hug) ... let's go sit down for a little while".
Silence has its place as well but it shouldn't feel like avoidance. To be quiet with your tongue while speaking with your eyes... with your actions... to show that the other person is welcome and accepted and that you are happy they are with you is 90% of relationship success in my opinion. For this part, after a certain amount of time together, few words are needed.
Communicating to your partner regarding, when is the best time to talk on certain topics,can certainly simplify things. For a relationship requires teamwork,so communication would be the key. For if a couple does'nt learn to talk out their problems(communicate) and they always remain silent, then resentment can easily develope if one or both partners have hurt each other(unconsciously) in some kind of way.
In general,I find the proverb "Be quick to listen and slow to speak",to be very helpful in knowing when to say something,or just remain silent. Alot of times we are so quick to speak in wanting to be heard,that we miss the essence of what someone is trying to say to us. However,if we first take the time to really listen to what they are trying to communicate,then we can give our minds more time to process information, as to weather a certain sitution requires a verbal response.
I find this blog to be very insightful, Ariel! God bless! Your friend, Serendipity!
I like very much the proverb you cited. I think communicating is a work we learn all our life and it s crucial for our happiness. I have learnt that human s happiness depends on the quality of their communication with the world (with us, with the others, with God...).
Have a wonderful weekend and thank you for commenting on my blog
i am fond of reading but a terrible writer.
i have a sun in leo(sociable)and the moon in taurus(shy)with my ascendent in gemini.(public persona)
my mother/taurus and father/gemini advice about communication in relationships
-pick your battles
-wait 24 hrs if you are going to address an issue,then see if it still matters as much
-someone being mad at you does not mean he/she doesn't love you
- you don't hate the person just their behaviour
-love is how you treat someone or the words are meaningless
-if someone you know well behaves out of character towards you,then something occurred to he/she that threw their emotions off kilter (not you)eventually he/she will vent about it
-listen with yours ears but speak from your heart
BTW one more proof how science and religion interfere
Very clever and useful rules! Most of us know them well but it s harder to apply them in reality. I think the old rule to count (at least) to 10 before saying something, should come at the first place. Especially for impulsive people like me (choleric type). Such people are fast to react but their anger gets down fast too. So we should know well our character and elaborate an algorithm for coping with reality according to our personality. So we achieve the best possible cohesion between us and the world.