When/How Does $ Affect/Influence Your Relationship
Money plays a very important role in a relationship. I'm sure many won't date someone who is jobless and financially in trouble. Many will go for someone who's financially stable but how and when could we find out one's financial status? How would that affect your relationship ?When I met the father of my son, I was forced to give up my good job and financially rely on him. In Arab culture, man is the provider, no question about it. He took care of all our needs and wants ..and more. In the eyes of many, I was very lucky
In their culture, we had to signed a pre-nup agreement...how much he will give me on that day we sign that contract that binds us together and how much he will give me when we divorce...all in black and white...loud and clear
When we unexpectedly file for divorce, I waved everything, just want everything to be done and over with...lucky him
but he insisted on paying everything that we need after the divorce...housing, food, allowances and everything my son needs. That sounds really nice...but we had to share custody of my son and I had to follow his rules
it didn't work for me...I want my freedom and live my life the way I want. After countless fights and arguments, I finally live my life ...got a good job,got a raise, make my own money, pay my own house, spend on myself and son...freedom and fun...feels great
When I met my jerk, he knows I'm not rich and financially not in his level. It was never an issue, in fact, it was one of the factor that brought us closer. He always insisted on paying for everything. I buy him some presents but he always surprises me with thoughtful little presents and expensive gifts when he was here and even after he left. He would bring me many presents that he bought on his trips and bring them to me when he comes here. He paid for our flights and hotels when my son and I went for a 2 months holiday. Even sent me copies of his credit cards and IDs in case I would need them. He paid the rent when I moved to this new house and insisted on buying new furniture as my house warming/birthday/Christmas present.
I'm not the materialistic type, I would date a penniless man as long as he's trying to find a job
I will live in a tent with the man I love as long as we are together. My jerk is very open when discussing about finances and tend to give me advise on how to be smart when it comes to money. He makes more money than I do, he's ok with it, it doesn't bother him but I'm not ok with it and it bothers me a lot. I feel bound to all those financial things he invested in this relationship...he said he's happy giving me things and feels good to see me happy... as long as I pay him in back rubs...and the going rate is 1 Peso/minute...that means I will be paying him for life
This is one of the reason why I'm still in this LDR. Don't get me wrong, I love my jerk. My point is that...those presents and financial support he gave me never represent money or security to me at all...I can buy what I need and what I want and don't have to feel obligated to anyone. It's just that in so many ways it make me feel that he truly cares about me.
How much does your love cost?
Don't mean this in a bad way... I'm just being myself..crazy
Comments (84)
What he would do for a living doesn't interest me....it's his passions I want to know about.....what drives him?
As long as we had some simple comforts and enough money to cover the basics...
Like you, I'm not a materialistic person and enjoy the simple things in life.....because that's what satisfies me the most.
He'd have to accept me for me....my flaws and all....and of course, I would, of him.
glad to know we are on the same page here.
when I was new here, I was very gullible, I would reply every mails I received...most of the first few question that the men asked .." What do you for a living? What's your work? " they're sensible questions but sometimes, it sounds like " are you good enough for me? " to me
sorry that happened to you...I'm sure she was just not the right one for you.
but yes, I've heard of people like that...if you don't make enough money, you're not good enough for them...money talks
that sounds perfect!
My, haven't we grown up....
yes...we could get lost with all the attention that we can get from the men here...luckily I discovered the blogs
Thank you but we won't go without you...
Myself, if I cannot afford to buy it outright, I usually don't buy it...with the exception of college.
If somebody was buried up to their neck in credit card debt, it would raise an eyebrow for me.
You have it all going on.
I barely get any at all...
Not that I'm complaining...
I prefer to keep on the outer...it's safer....
What's hard for the man to see is any mission that you might have, this is where the word tunnel vision comes into play for him. He's doing what by all intense and purposes is innate. His 'job' is to provide you the luxury and non-luxury items that he either thinks you need or upon your requests.
The only way to resolve your dilemma, is to have a
crazyheart to heart conversation with him, letting him know how much you appreciate his kinds thoughts and gestures.......but it makes you feel uncomfortable and feeling like there's a repayment of debt at sometime in the future. So, in order for you not to feel the 'burden' of an unassuming debt maybe going forward the two of us can discuss any capital intensive purchases first before the purchase occurs.....jmoI'm careful with my money and won't go into debt, but I do like to splurge occasionally, so I like a guy with the same mindset. Permanently cheap, yuk. Permanently wanting to splurge, eek.
Fussy? Moi? Oh yes.
that would raise more than an eyebrow for me
I like to live according to my means or less than that...for some of us life is not about expensive lifestyle, flashy home and cars...it's about feeling happy with what you have...sleeping tight at night without worrying about debts , how to buy expensive things to show off or where to get your next meal...simple life works for me...
you have a good man there, that treats you well cares for you and minds you... just as you do him.
I talked to him about it... many times. In our first year, I refused to accept any gifts from him...it made him feel bad...he said he's happy when I don't refuse and argue and simply appreciate them...makes him feel good to know that he does something for me and makes me happy...
When he stayed in my apartment ( partly his in some ways
It is easier to love when both are self-sufficient. It takes the pressure off.
My riches were my late husband and my son which obviously no money in the world could had bought.
I've never been a materialistic woman nor cared that much for money or what someone had and I'm still that way to this day.
Thanks for sharing your story.
This is for Itchy and Ish.....on Itchy's blog that was just closed.
No, don't be silly....not upset at all...
I know it was all in good fun....
Thanks! He is a tough man, not a push over but he has some kind of softness for me...thing that made me feel very close to him.
do you know,I have been the super independent person for sure,always going my very own way in everything,my Partners never knew anything what was going on,but then 7 years ago,when I separated from my 13 years long relationship,I start to understand,that something perhaps was wrong in my self....I started to meditate about True Love,it was going on for 3 years and daily...after about 3 month I got very,very deep into my self,but in the same time I felt like it was far away outside my self.....there was so much of these Love feelings,like in a big pond with one concrete wall and I went in to feel it,but in seconds,I realize,that it is completely to much adopt just like that and then I understood,that I had store all my true Love,there deep inside my self from 18 years old and my first Love and that I had never give it to any Woman....I knew,that if that concrete wall broke and all this Love is coming out,I'm in trouble,because I have no experience to handle it....and after that,I have been very selective and stop completely to be interested in any short term relationship or one night stand.
Also after that I was thinking completely different about partnership,I felt,that it was wrong to not be dependent of the Partner,because she feel her self more important,if I need her and she has all the rights to feel,that she is important for me...if not,why there are over all something like relationship then....all this changed my hole perspective about life and the relationship,came in as the most important in my life and in fact the only thing that could make me happy,before that I just build up some fake about what make me happy....yes,I know,my story is out of order and not what People feel as normal in these days.
here is a poem,that came in the middle of the night,some 6-7 month after I start the meditation about True Love.
Te meaning of the Life.
You have succeed,you have get wealth and earn some honor's too.
But something is not there?
Your family is nice,your children are the best and friends please you too.
Still something is not there?
Your health is fine,your mind is clear and you have get the wisdom too.
Why something is not there?
You longing for an answer,you want to fill your emptiness and get the
wonder too.
Deep in your self it's there.
You drop all other things,you make the journey anyway and find the place too.
Yes in your self it's there.
You meet your soul,you feel the grief,and earn the knowledge too.
Always in your self it's there.
The answer is the worlds of souls,the life of past,the life of now.
It is the journey of souls two.
The wonder is the life together,hand in hand,steps by steps.
It is the closeness of souls two.
The happiness for us is there,the love of soulss,the love of hearts.
It is no more no less,the meaning of the life.
Rolf
Yes, sometimes I feel that he's trying to buy my affection...but I want him to feel comfortable when he comes here that's why I accepted the gifts and to stop the argument...
He's not the type that I can argue and get away with it...he's kinda tough and what he says goes, all these times with him, I've learned to just do just as he likes
Apologies if I misread, but you write a lot of words and sometimes it isn't easy to pick out the relevant points.
Totally agree with you
Amen to that
My wealth is my son, my loving family, my bf, good friends...and my parrot...and all the good experiences in life....material things could never impress me
are you psychic or what
Hey Crazy
isn't it better to have rich man happy buying you presents
then having a poor man crying because he can't
that means, the more she gets married and divorced..the wealthier she gets ? sounds like a great deal
what you tell to Molly about how you want to pay for your own things and more,is exactly how I have been,I have hate to be taken care when I have been sick,what ever problem in my life,I never ask help from anybody,still my best friend here in Antigua have been so upset to me,specially when I was so sick a year ago,that I could not stand for 3 days more than max 30 seconds in one time and still not call her for help....but I know very well,that in that way I don't give my friends an often my Children too,the right to feel satisfied ,when they can help you,it is like steeling from them the very rights and that My best Friend bring it out very clearly and even I said to her,that If I'm very sure,that I'm going to die,if I don't get help,then it is you I'm calling,she still just shake her head,showing that I'm doing wrong....it is a big gift to the giver,many times much bigger,than to the one that get the gift,when she/he can feel that what they give is important to the one that get it.
Rolf
To be honest, I didn't pick them...they picked me!
No, I would like to be with someone I can have fun and laugh with, not caring about material things and good appearances...
I was married to someone who came from good family and well off and now I'm in relationship with someone who's used to finer things in life...they both will not settle for anything less than comfort...and that's not the kind of person I am...
I was exhausted preparing this apartment and have it ready when he came on Christmas because I already know he wont sleep on the sofa nor mattress on the floor
Maybe in future, you should take part in the choosing of your partner, and not be a passive participant.
You will be much happier having chosen the person to share your life with...and more fun!
I am financially independent...it's more like battle of wills between us. I'm kinda guilty when I think about dating someone else because he did a lot for me...not about the money but the thoughts he put on them...
If I were to date someone else, I would prefer someone in my level financially...just want someone I have a lot in common with
and yes, he's in law enforcement...a Lt. Col...sometimes I answer him :
" yes, Sir,Col. Sir!" with a salute too!
trying to keep an eye in here whilst the others on a movie, one hand for typing and the other for my pot noodle...
what for more hands and eyes