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Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Newest, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.

JimNastics

6 Times !

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'

The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me 6 times.'

The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze 6 lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'

The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'

The priest said, 'No, but it will certainly wipe that devilish grin off of your face.' scold

devil
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JimNastics

Quote of the Night

"Of course Trump wants to defund the World Health Organization.
It stands for things he hates. The world, health and organization."
~ Stephen Colbert laugh
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virgosign

Eating with a facemask

With the easing on the opening of restaurants, and before I make my reservations, I experimented with a number of ways of how to tackle one of my favourite pasta dishes – that of spaghetti olio, aglio e peperoncino – all while wearing a facemask.

The face mask itself must be of the disposable type as it’s bound to end up rather messy.

My recipe calls for using pasta – spaghetti – from a good Italian brand name, oil from pure and untouched virgin olives, expensive locally grown organic garlic and the juiciest hot peperoncini available.

The dish is served with sprigs of freshly cut parsley and a tablespoon or two of grated parmeggiano.

So, the first possibility is to try the mask on, check that it sits well on the face, covering nose, mouth and chin. Then carefully pierce a hole exactly where it covers the mouth. The hole need not be very large, but big enough to take in a fork rolled up with the scrumptious spaghetti. This method also allows to drink a nice red Lambrusco from a fine, stemmed, balloon wineglass.

If one doesn’t wish to make an opening in the facemask, then the other possibility is to slip each pasta strand (a spaghetta) underneath the facemask and pull (as in suck) it in. The sound might annoy your dining companion, but they should be two meters at least away from you, so the sound would have dissipated by the time it reaches delicate ears. This method also allows one to sip the nice red Lambrusco albeit through a straw, also passed underneath the facemask.

The last option of the three possibilities is the most difficult to perform. Order and wait for your dinner to be served, and then while you only ogle at the food on your plate, enjoy watching your company consume theirs, chatting about the Covid19 situation, how easing on the opening of restaurants is positively effecting the nation and other pandemic stories. You have nothing to worry about as long as you continue wearing your facemask and of course not eating.

Don’t forget to pay the bill on your way out.

Stay safe.

Peace

thevirgosign
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JimNastics

Just wondering....

...if the best 2 players in the world have a match between one another,
is it still appropriate to call the game..... BADminton ? dunno grin

Embedded image from another site
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Willy3411

He never got any respect

Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield

He said...

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.


I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.


My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.


It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.


A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!


A hooker once told me she had a headache.


If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?'
She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'


I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.


My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.


I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'


My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.


I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.


My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.


My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.


It's been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.


I was such an ugly kid! When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.


I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.


I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.



When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry.
We did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway."


I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.


Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."


My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.


I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.


I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up.
What's wrong with me?" He said: "Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.


Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room, he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.


One year they wanted to make me a poster boy -- for birth control.


My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
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JimNastics

The Cruel attack by Obama on Trump

From the New Yorker;



One can only wonder how many more 5 am Tweets from the White House lavatory office
we will have to endure before Trump's reign is up.
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JimNastics

Comedic Actor Jerry Stiller dies at 92 of 'natural causes'

Perhaps best known for his bizzarre father roles on Seinfeld and The King of Queens,
as well as his previous stand-up routines with his wife, as 'Stiller & Meara'.

Today from CNN;


(continued in my first comment below)
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JimNastics

Consistent Testing results for AG, Bill Barr

Today from The New Yorker;



No real surprise. He's passed the test of no integrity since being appointed.
Whether it was the untruthful interpretation of Mueller's report, pressuring prosecutors, or
judges, clearly he has no loyalty to the judicial system, nor justice in general.
His loyalty is only to his mob boss. thumbs down
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chatillion

Soap on a rope...

When I was a kid, we had soap on a rope hanging in the shower. I'm guessing it was English Leather and had a strong 'woody' scent. Not sure where it came from and my guess is a gift. We only had it hanging there for the scent and none of my family actually used the soap. I remember it developed cracks in the surface, probably from the number of times humidity or splashing made the outer surface wet.

Embedded image from another site


Searching for an image for my blog had a definition/example in the Urban Dictionary that the benefit of soap on a rope in prison saved you from having to bend over if you happened to drop the soap.
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