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I've decided to quit praying.
When I pray, I get about the same amount of response as I'd get from my bathtub.
What infuriates me is when people say "God responds. You just aren't listening."
Yes. I am listening. I have listened to the best of my ability. I think if it is a merciful God, then he should answer in a language I can understand. It really doesn't do much good to answer in a way that I CAN'T understand, eh?
No response is no response. Nothing is nothing. Silence is silence.
If I'm suppose to take the silence, the nothing, and interpret it as an answer... That's just ME coming up with an answer! I can do that without having prayed in the first place!
This isn't even a matter of "not getting the answer I wanted." It's a matter of not receiving ANY answer, ever.
I prayed for years, and years, and years. And I have never received a response. God has never "enlightened me" or "revealed the answer through circumstance", or "shown me the way". It's just day after day, year after year, of me talking to the wall and then walking away and figuring it out myself.
So I quit praying.
I simply can't continue to engage in conversing if I'm the only one contributing to the discourse. I can't continue to go through life praying to a God who either isn't listening, or is just ignoring me. (That's what it's called when you receive no response. It's called being ignored.)
If this is all just a matter of me on my own, interpretting the events of my life, and then me on my own, making the best decision I can with the information I have, then why bother asking for guidance and answers?
It makes me sad really. I'm sad that my God ignores me. It makes me tearfully walk away saying "I really wanted to have a relationship with you, but you haven't spoken to me in 34 years, and I finally have to just let go."
What infuriates me is when people say "God responds. You just aren't listening."
Yes. I am listening. I have listened to the best of my ability. I think if it is a merciful God, then he should answer in a language I can understand. It really doesn't do much good to answer in a way that I CAN'T understand, eh?
No response is no response. Nothing is nothing. Silence is silence.
If I'm suppose to take the silence, the nothing, and interpret it as an answer... That's just ME coming up with an answer! I can do that without having prayed in the first place!
This isn't even a matter of "not getting the answer I wanted." It's a matter of not receiving ANY answer, ever.
I prayed for years, and years, and years. And I have never received a response. God has never "enlightened me" or "revealed the answer through circumstance", or "shown me the way". It's just day after day, year after year, of me talking to the wall and then walking away and figuring it out myself.
So I quit praying.
I simply can't continue to engage in conversing if I'm the only one contributing to the discourse. I can't continue to go through life praying to a God who either isn't listening, or is just ignoring me. (That's what it's called when you receive no response. It's called being ignored.)
If this is all just a matter of me on my own, interpretting the events of my life, and then me on my own, making the best decision I can with the information I have, then why bother asking for guidance and answers?
It makes me sad really. I'm sad that my God ignores me. It makes me tearfully walk away saying "I really wanted to have a relationship with you, but you haven't spoken to me in 34 years, and I finally have to just let go."
Is it always this hard
to find staff?
My new newbie announcer was sent from our sister company, a newspaper, last week. After a week in training she is on the air, supervised, and apart from a little natural nervousness has been doing quite well.
The studio is simple - if a little archaic - and you can flip in and out of automation if you need a break. The only things that have to be done live really would be joining the BBC for news and reading the weather and the occasional commercial script.
My own show is different because it is advertised as live from midnight till morning so I am a constant presence through the night.
Anyway, yesterday about half hour into the shift my new one starts to cry and says she needs more time to observe (at least two more weeks) she is overwhelmed at talking to everybody in Barbados and do I really think she is ready to be on the air.
Now I need someone for that time slot. My managing director and I have rotated through that slot since the first week of December rather than throwing it back to full automation bar the news and weather because we are working toward more "live" radio, not less. Yet despite our own needs, both of us would pull triple shifts before we put someone we did not consider 'ready ' on the air.
Last evening the two of us looked at each other in dismay because once a trainee is familiar with the system the only way to learn is to be on air and do the job.
I think the problem started at the beginning of the day when my director and I met with 'new' and pointed out that she was late in for the fourth time this week. And although once she is practiced at doing the set up she can come in an hour before airtime right now we want her shift to run from 1 to 7.
Two hours prep and four in the studio. Not come in at 1:45, go to the kitchen make soup, exchange endless text messages with her friends and finally make herself available around 2:30 and then break for lunch half an hour before going on air.
Any way you cut it, it is only a six hour work day, and although it requires careful attention, if you follow the log and are organized it is a snap. I had never actually DJ'd for myself before I started MTM. Always worked with an operator. All I did in the studio was turn on a microphone so the first time I did my shift here I had had fifteen minutes familiarisation with the controls and I got a lot of things wrong.
Two songs going out at the same time, mixing up the pots for the two CD players, switching the mic on but forgetting to pot up. And every mistake showed me how to do it right. With "new" I am right there to give direction so nothing dire happens but I am going to allow her to make some errors because it is the best way to learn.
I am feeling discouraged. "New' isn't sure she wants to be an announcer. If she doesn't find her place with us she is out of a job and that may be her only motivation for being there. And that is not enough.
To be good on air it cannot be just a pay cheque, there has to be something more. And going back to observation will not change the fact that when she speaks people will hear her. That is another issue resolved only by actually doing the job.
I need to find a way to make this work and as nurture and supportive encouragement don't seem to be getting anywhere I think perhaps it is time for the steel girder that runs up the center of this cream puff to make its appearance.
As someone once said to me, you can help someone get a job, you can show someone how to do a job, but you cannot help them keep a job. They have to do that for themselves.
My new newbie announcer was sent from our sister company, a newspaper, last week. After a week in training she is on the air, supervised, and apart from a little natural nervousness has been doing quite well.
The studio is simple - if a little archaic - and you can flip in and out of automation if you need a break. The only things that have to be done live really would be joining the BBC for news and reading the weather and the occasional commercial script.
My own show is different because it is advertised as live from midnight till morning so I am a constant presence through the night.
Anyway, yesterday about half hour into the shift my new one starts to cry and says she needs more time to observe (at least two more weeks) she is overwhelmed at talking to everybody in Barbados and do I really think she is ready to be on the air.
Now I need someone for that time slot. My managing director and I have rotated through that slot since the first week of December rather than throwing it back to full automation bar the news and weather because we are working toward more "live" radio, not less. Yet despite our own needs, both of us would pull triple shifts before we put someone we did not consider 'ready ' on the air.
Last evening the two of us looked at each other in dismay because once a trainee is familiar with the system the only way to learn is to be on air and do the job.
I think the problem started at the beginning of the day when my director and I met with 'new' and pointed out that she was late in for the fourth time this week. And although once she is practiced at doing the set up she can come in an hour before airtime right now we want her shift to run from 1 to 7.
Two hours prep and four in the studio. Not come in at 1:45, go to the kitchen make soup, exchange endless text messages with her friends and finally make herself available around 2:30 and then break for lunch half an hour before going on air.
Any way you cut it, it is only a six hour work day, and although it requires careful attention, if you follow the log and are organized it is a snap. I had never actually DJ'd for myself before I started MTM. Always worked with an operator. All I did in the studio was turn on a microphone so the first time I did my shift here I had had fifteen minutes familiarisation with the controls and I got a lot of things wrong.
Two songs going out at the same time, mixing up the pots for the two CD players, switching the mic on but forgetting to pot up. And every mistake showed me how to do it right. With "new" I am right there to give direction so nothing dire happens but I am going to allow her to make some errors because it is the best way to learn.
I am feeling discouraged. "New' isn't sure she wants to be an announcer. If she doesn't find her place with us she is out of a job and that may be her only motivation for being there. And that is not enough.
To be good on air it cannot be just a pay cheque, there has to be something more. And going back to observation will not change the fact that when she speaks people will hear her. That is another issue resolved only by actually doing the job.
I need to find a way to make this work and as nurture and supportive encouragement don't seem to be getting anywhere I think perhaps it is time for the steel girder that runs up the center of this cream puff to make its appearance.
As someone once said to me, you can help someone get a job, you can show someone how to do a job, but you cannot help them keep a job. They have to do that for themselves.
LIFE
I recognize that the nature of LIFE is balance-that I will allways experience the "UP" as well as the" DOWN"
If I fight and try to avoid the "DOWN"
I fight life itself,
If I accept both in an understanding way,
I will be at harmony with life,
and with myself.
If I fight and try to avoid the "DOWN"
I fight life itself,
If I accept both in an understanding way,
I will be at harmony with life,
and with myself.
If we're more ladylike will they be gentlemen?
I know a young couple. One day, he stood behind her chair to pull it out. She said “What are you doing? Quit hovering!” He said he was going to pull out her chair. She snapped “I can get out of my chair by myself. It’s not a highchair!” Later she was loading the car, dropped a bag and yelled at him “I wouldn’t have dropped it if you’d help carry these or hold the door open!”
This girl confuses me. She wants to be independent when it suits her, but when she wants something, she expects him to do it. She bites off his head for offering, and bites off his head for not offering. I asked him why he tolerated it. He said “That’s just how girls are. Guys have to know when to have manners and when to just leave her the hell alone.” I was astonished by this ridiculous notion.
I made a trip to the mall at Christmas. The women turned my stomach. They walk in front of their men, lead them, crowd in front of them, tell them what to do. They snap and gripe at men who try to be polite. If addressed as “Ma’am” they make some absurd comment about “My name is …!” They comb their hair at the table and tell their man to clean up the food wrappers. I saw a man tip his hat to a girl. Under her breath she said he should keep his cooties to himself. When guys offer to be mannerly, the girls snap back the infamous “I can do it myself!” or “I don’t need a man to do it for me!” or “What, you think because I’m female I can’t do it!” or “Girls can do it just as well as guys can!”
People question why men aren’t gentlemen anymore? Where have men’s manners gone? Isn’t it blatantly obvious?
The women apparently don’t WANT a man with manners. Apparently, they want someone to b*tch at. And apparently men like this, because they encourage it by acquiescing. They don’t have to worry about having manners. They can just b*tch back. So now instead of partnerships, we have 2 people who just yell at each other.
Unfortunately, this nazifeminist perspective of “I can do it my damn self unless I tell you I want you to do it for me.” has been injurious to women who don’t share the same belief system. I’m impressed by a man who pulls out chairs, opens doors, and tips his hat. I’m impressed by men who treat a lady like a lady. I’m impressed by men who display manners even if a bitchy woman might not want him to.
Where are those men? How many men have simply let manners fall to the side in exchange for acting like the whipped puppy the modern woman wants him to be? Many younger men these days were never even taught manners, because their Daddies were whipped too, and their Mommies were barking that she can do it her damn self.
I feel a bit foolish trying to interact with guys. If I expect him to open a door, he just passes by, walks out the door, and lets it slam in my face. Or he’ll stand beside me wondering why we’re waiting. If I sit in a chair waiting on him to pull it out, I might be sitting there all night.
I’m not going to change who I am and start acting like some mouthy bossy b*tch. I simply won’t. I don’t find that type of “woman” any sort of role model. I don’t care if she’s 60 or 16. She’s simply not acting like a lady. Telling men what to do and when to do it. Mouthing off at him when he tries to be polite. This incessant “I can do it my damn self” attitude that reeks of egocentric pompousness.
Why do men tolerate it? Do they enjoy it? What’s attractive about a woman constantly bitching and moaning about how manly she can be? What’s appealing about a woman who expects men to not have manners? Does it fit well into his lazy agenda?
What am I missing here? What happened to men being gentlemen and ladies being lady-like? Why did women become bossy bitches and men became wimpy drones? I understand that times have changed, and that the era has changed, and that trends change. But good manners are always an attribute, regardless of what year it is.
This girl confuses me. She wants to be independent when it suits her, but when she wants something, she expects him to do it. She bites off his head for offering, and bites off his head for not offering. I asked him why he tolerated it. He said “That’s just how girls are. Guys have to know when to have manners and when to just leave her the hell alone.” I was astonished by this ridiculous notion.
I made a trip to the mall at Christmas. The women turned my stomach. They walk in front of their men, lead them, crowd in front of them, tell them what to do. They snap and gripe at men who try to be polite. If addressed as “Ma’am” they make some absurd comment about “My name is …!” They comb their hair at the table and tell their man to clean up the food wrappers. I saw a man tip his hat to a girl. Under her breath she said he should keep his cooties to himself. When guys offer to be mannerly, the girls snap back the infamous “I can do it myself!” or “I don’t need a man to do it for me!” or “What, you think because I’m female I can’t do it!” or “Girls can do it just as well as guys can!”
People question why men aren’t gentlemen anymore? Where have men’s manners gone? Isn’t it blatantly obvious?
The women apparently don’t WANT a man with manners. Apparently, they want someone to b*tch at. And apparently men like this, because they encourage it by acquiescing. They don’t have to worry about having manners. They can just b*tch back. So now instead of partnerships, we have 2 people who just yell at each other.
Unfortunately, this nazifeminist perspective of “I can do it my damn self unless I tell you I want you to do it for me.” has been injurious to women who don’t share the same belief system. I’m impressed by a man who pulls out chairs, opens doors, and tips his hat. I’m impressed by men who treat a lady like a lady. I’m impressed by men who display manners even if a bitchy woman might not want him to.
Where are those men? How many men have simply let manners fall to the side in exchange for acting like the whipped puppy the modern woman wants him to be? Many younger men these days were never even taught manners, because their Daddies were whipped too, and their Mommies were barking that she can do it her damn self.
I feel a bit foolish trying to interact with guys. If I expect him to open a door, he just passes by, walks out the door, and lets it slam in my face. Or he’ll stand beside me wondering why we’re waiting. If I sit in a chair waiting on him to pull it out, I might be sitting there all night.
I’m not going to change who I am and start acting like some mouthy bossy b*tch. I simply won’t. I don’t find that type of “woman” any sort of role model. I don’t care if she’s 60 or 16. She’s simply not acting like a lady. Telling men what to do and when to do it. Mouthing off at him when he tries to be polite. This incessant “I can do it my damn self” attitude that reeks of egocentric pompousness.
Why do men tolerate it? Do they enjoy it? What’s attractive about a woman constantly bitching and moaning about how manly she can be? What’s appealing about a woman who expects men to not have manners? Does it fit well into his lazy agenda?
What am I missing here? What happened to men being gentlemen and ladies being lady-like? Why did women become bossy bitches and men became wimpy drones? I understand that times have changed, and that the era has changed, and that trends change. But good manners are always an attribute, regardless of what year it is.
A tonsil Challenge
During the last two weeks of December,my right tonsil was inflamed and it hurt like hell. The crypts were filled with whitish thing that I found it very scary. It was my first time to pay a closer look at that organ. I self-cared it using whatever I found in my kitchen, vinegar ( gargling it with salt), Listerine, a buccal/ pharyngeal spray, antibiotics, paracetamol, cotton buds ( to clean the crypts) and even dashing the infected tonsil with the anti-biotic powder inside the capsule case.
Fortunately, after 3 days I got better and it didnt hurt anymore. SInce I self-medicate it, I followed what I read in the internet that is to take the drug for at least 10 days to prevent reinfection. January came, I felt so good that I could feel my tonsil is doing fine. But behind my mind, I was thinking of testing my tonsil if it wont be infected with what I eat. I know strep ( the cause of my tonsilitis) loves sugar so I grabbed my box of chocolates that I got last Christmas and ate it heartily. Discontented with the chocolates and trying to know how far my tonsil will go, I ate whatever sweet food I found.
After a couple of days eating sweet food, I felt little bumps at the back of my tonsils and I just thought it was nothing 
. When I woke up this morning I could feel my other tonsil hurting when I swallowed. I examined my mouth in the mirror and found a swelling left tonsil, now its left.
Now I"m back to anti-biotics... 
Fortunately, after 3 days I got better and it didnt hurt anymore. SInce I self-medicate it, I followed what I read in the internet that is to take the drug for at least 10 days to prevent reinfection. January came, I felt so good that I could feel my tonsil is doing fine. But behind my mind, I was thinking of testing my tonsil if it wont be infected with what I eat. I know strep ( the cause of my tonsilitis) loves sugar so I grabbed my box of chocolates that I got last Christmas and ate it heartily. Discontented with the chocolates and trying to know how far my tonsil will go, I ate whatever sweet food I found.
After a couple of days eating sweet food, I felt little bumps at the back of my tonsils and I just thought it was nothing . When I woke up this morning I could feel my other tonsil hurting when I swallowed. I examined my mouth in the mirror and found a swelling left tonsil, now its left. Now I"m back to anti-biotics...
online today!
James James Morrison Morrison by AA Milne
James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George DuPree
Took great care of his mother though he was only three
James James said to his mother:
"Mother," he said, said he
"You must never go down to the end of the town,
if you don't go down with me.
Don't ever go down to the end of the town,
if you don't go down with me."
James James Morrison's mother put on her golden gown
James James Morrison's mother, she drove to the end of the town
James James Morrison's mother
She said to herself, said she
"Well, I can get down to the end of the town
And be back in time for tea.
Well, I can get down to the end of the town
And be back in time for tea."
King John put up a notice: "Lost, stolen or strayed,
James James Morrison's mother,
She seems to have been mislaid
Wandering vaguely all about quite of her own accord
She tried to get down to the end of the town--
Forty shillings reward.
She tried to get down to the end of the town--
Forty shillings reward.
James James Morrison Morrison, commonly known as "Jim"
Said to his other relations not to go blaming him
For James James said to his mother
"Mother", he said, said he
"Don't ever go down to the end of the town,
If you don't go down with me.
You must never go down to the end of the town,
If you don't go down with me."
Now James James Morrison's mother,
She hasn't been heard of since,
King John sent down to give his regrets,
And so did the queen and the prince,
King John, somebody told me,
Said to a man he knew,
"If people go down to the end of the town,
Well what can anyone do?
If people go down to the end of the town,
Well what can anyone do?"
Took great care of his mother though he was only three
James James said to his mother:
"Mother," he said, said he
"You must never go down to the end of the town,
if you don't go down with me.
Don't ever go down to the end of the town,
if you don't go down with me."
James James Morrison's mother put on her golden gown
James James Morrison's mother, she drove to the end of the town
James James Morrison's mother
She said to herself, said she
"Well, I can get down to the end of the town
And be back in time for tea.
Well, I can get down to the end of the town
And be back in time for tea."
King John put up a notice: "Lost, stolen or strayed,
James James Morrison's mother,
She seems to have been mislaid
Wandering vaguely all about quite of her own accord
She tried to get down to the end of the town--
Forty shillings reward.
She tried to get down to the end of the town--
Forty shillings reward.
James James Morrison Morrison, commonly known as "Jim"
Said to his other relations not to go blaming him
For James James said to his mother
"Mother", he said, said he
"Don't ever go down to the end of the town,
If you don't go down with me.
You must never go down to the end of the town,
If you don't go down with me."
Now James James Morrison's mother,
She hasn't been heard of since,
King John sent down to give his regrets,
And so did the queen and the prince,
King John, somebody told me,
Said to a man he knew,
"If people go down to the end of the town,
Well what can anyone do?
If people go down to the end of the town,
Well what can anyone do?"
Drinking enough water
We are suprisingly damp creatures, we humans. We bleed if cut. We cry when laughing or grieving. We spit. We pearl with sweat on exertion or when exposed to heat, internal or external. We ooze mucous. We are just stuffed to bursting with 'bodily fluids'.
And where does it all come from? I know I do not drink enough water. And I consume enough caffeine to have a diuretic effect so why am I still wet? As a blood donor I have learned to hydrate thoroughly for at least a couple of days before offering up my arm.
That way I can bleed out my donation much more quickly as my miser system does not fear terminal dehydration of the brain and cling to every corpuscle on its way to freedom. Then I drink lavishly afterward to give the greedy system what it needs to replace its loss.
Other times I can go for days with no more water passing my lips than what it takes to brush my teeth three times a day. I dislike the taste of water. And it has a taste.
New York water is actually the most palatable I have had, here in Bim the water is filtered through the limestone of our bedrock but now it lacks the cold bite I remember from my childhood. Indeed, at times the brownish yellow junk that stains the laundry defeats Pur and Brita and then if I drink it at all it is water boiled and tasteless without a teabag.
So once more I drink tea, very few cups of coffee in Barbados, even at the finest of establishments are worth drinking. In April in the States I will dive into a vat of coffee until my kidneys scream for mercy and the palms of my hands flame red because my liver cannot clear the toxins fast enough. It will be worth having to drink water to flush the system out.
They say we need water to live, I am sure we do, but I miss coffee more.
And where does it all come from? I know I do not drink enough water. And I consume enough caffeine to have a diuretic effect so why am I still wet? As a blood donor I have learned to hydrate thoroughly for at least a couple of days before offering up my arm.
That way I can bleed out my donation much more quickly as my miser system does not fear terminal dehydration of the brain and cling to every corpuscle on its way to freedom. Then I drink lavishly afterward to give the greedy system what it needs to replace its loss.
Other times I can go for days with no more water passing my lips than what it takes to brush my teeth three times a day. I dislike the taste of water. And it has a taste.
New York water is actually the most palatable I have had, here in Bim the water is filtered through the limestone of our bedrock but now it lacks the cold bite I remember from my childhood. Indeed, at times the brownish yellow junk that stains the laundry defeats Pur and Brita and then if I drink it at all it is water boiled and tasteless without a teabag.
So once more I drink tea, very few cups of coffee in Barbados, even at the finest of establishments are worth drinking. In April in the States I will dive into a vat of coffee until my kidneys scream for mercy and the palms of my hands flame red because my liver cannot clear the toxins fast enough. It will be worth having to drink water to flush the system out.
They say we need water to live, I am sure we do, but I miss coffee more.
Into the mind of an Iraqi civilian
Unless you have been there it is hard to know what it must be like.
Picture this:
Another country wants to eliminate the Klu Klux Klan in the United States. That country does not know exactly where the KKK is, but suspects it is in your city and you are told they are comming and are diven out of your house. They start bombing building where they suspect the KKK to be and in the process kills your close relative and his wife, leaving behind their child who is old enough to know the country killed his parents, but too young to understand why. In the aftermath, the child is left with no parents, you are dealing with the loss of your relative and are homeless. The country that came to "help" becomes more hated than the KKK. What could that country ever do to make it right for that child again, or for you?
Picture this:
Another country wants to eliminate the Klu Klux Klan in the United States. That country does not know exactly where the KKK is, but suspects it is in your city and you are told they are comming and are diven out of your house. They start bombing building where they suspect the KKK to be and in the process kills your close relative and his wife, leaving behind their child who is old enough to know the country killed his parents, but too young to understand why. In the aftermath, the child is left with no parents, you are dealing with the loss of your relative and are homeless. The country that came to "help" becomes more hated than the KKK. What could that country ever do to make it right for that child again, or for you?
Happy New Year 2008!
Its 2008 - and Im still single, been single for 6 months now.
If your out there please say hello - im sure life shouldn't be this boring!
If your out there please say hello - im sure life shouldn't be this boring!
Welcome from Notafrog!
Hello And Welcome To My New Blog!
Not sure what to put in here but I'm quite a laid back kinda
guy, looking for a new adventure.
Not sure what to put in here but I'm quite a laid back kinda
guy, looking for a new adventure.
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