He is older than I wanted
taller than expected
but I love him with eyes open or closed.

the shameful part is I feel that he should feel privileged
as if we weren't both human
as if I'm royalty or he is a down grade to me

a familiar term "I'm out of his league"
and I truly have been starting to feel that way
when I see the monster in me

settling for him because that would be "easy"
he is way out of my league, as his heart is made of gold
how dare I feel he's not good enough for me because of this given age gap

but is this love I feel or pity or fear
I'm not like other girls my age
I dare not suggest how

I'm starting the first chapter of the book of life
and I feel like dying now
because I want something more than all people have to offer

Something about being young makes you feel like you're worth
Tall, Dark and handsome
so when someone comes along who is
Tall, chubby but lovely

you feel as if you're living your life wrong
it's like I'd rather be hurt by someone attractive than be loved by someone who's not
but what does that make me?

This is honestly my reality so don't mind me if I start getting defensive
but what am I? A fake plastic materialistic b*tch pretending to have feelings?
or a young girl who hasn't come to her senses.