hollandgirl Forum Posts (4,464)

RE: Happy Birthday Jampet!

Happy Birtday Jampet, many happy ones more.

You just got to love those blondes....................So love this one...............

Canadians also spell; harbour, humour, colour. etc.
Just like Britain. We got the queen to go with all this too.
All for the same prize...

Ha ha this lady fixed this problem!..............lol..................

She found the solution for sure.

What to say when you are caught speeding.............Great one!...........lol

What to say when you are caught speeding.............Great one!...........lol

I was just about to say oh no! you didn't.
When I saw the; I am kidding.
This could easily be done for real huh

Ha ha this lady fixed this problem!..............lol..................

The $1.99 Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.


'YES!!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then.' my wife said.

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.

'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.


DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!

WE'VE been around the block more than once!

Tell the kid dad................Right on!..........Kid chose the wrong examples............

"You know, Dad," 16-year-old Jimmy started. "I'm 16 now and I think it's time that we talk about getting a car for me to drive."

"Well, I'll make a deal with you, Jimmy," his Dad replied. "We'll talk about this car idea when you bring home a good report card and you get your hair cut."

A couple of months later, Jimmy brings home his report card. "Here you go, Dad. All A's!"

"That's great, Jimmy," his Dad replied. "But you still haven't gotten your hair cut."

"Well, Dad, while making those great grades, I was in a religion class and noticed that Jesus had long hair, all of the Apostles had long hair. Moses, Joseph and even the kings of the land all had long hair."

His Dad thought about this for a second and asked, "Did you notice what else they had in common?"

"No, what?" Jimmy replied.

"They were all WALKING!"

Men take note..Does this sound familar?..Nine words women use, men you have to learn to translate

They are right on you know.
Someone sure figured out the women's psyche.

Men take note..Does this sound familar?..Nine words women use, men you have to learn to translate

Some sound familiar?

What to say when you are caught speeding.............Great one!...........lol

Wonder if men who get away with it?
Take notes anyway

What to say when you are caught speeding.............Great one!...........lol

Yeah, recognized the 9 signs we give men, in my thread below?
Someone knew the women's psyche for sure!

What to say when you are caught speeding.............Great one!...........lol

Caught speeding


Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying buzzard told you I was speeding too.

Men take note..Does this sound familar?..Nine words women use, men you have to learn to translate

Nine words Women Use ( Men take Note)

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE 1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed,this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbalstatementoften misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true,unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.That will bring on a 'whatever').

8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying Fu YOU!

9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Lovers of the English language.................unite lol...................

I have my dictionary laying close to me but believe me not all the words are to be found there.
Oxford 1999

I have been told that Merrian Wester is best.

You just got to love those blondes....................So love this one...............

Your right he needs a girl and get some.
I have never seen him here except to make sarcastic remarks.
Yeah how come nobody like me eh

Hint hint hint.
Start by playing nice with people.
His attitude so far won't get him anything
Yes he is an very unhappy camper for sure.

Hopefully he grows up soon and smartens up.

RE: Hello Operator

I love these kind of dumb people jokes

I have made the decision to start networking... Does anyone of you have an older brother-friend....

Your a good sport!

Not even two years old can barely talk, but little lilly knows every country in the world, shows you

I don't believe it is that way today anylonger ?
Never play dumb but no need to show him up either.

I have made the decision to start networking... Does anyone of you have an older brother-friend....

Silly, we can't stay in bed all day
In 5 month of winter you be so worn down that
you have to come into a room twice to be seen ones

Some women think of everything..................funny...................

I was in Australia for 7 weeks met mostly very nice and hospital people.
Yeah well.........there is always............?

You just got to love those blondes....................So love this one...............

We are fortunate he does not show up too often.
Hopefully when he sees this he will go there
Am I allowed to say je.k on here.

Not even two years old can barely talk, but little lilly knows every country in the world, shows you

Wow Lana, now I see why I have adopted you.
Beauty and brains.
I have always said surround yourself with people who are smarter
than you are. So to learn from them.

I have made the decision to start networking... Does anyone of you have an older brother-friend....

Too cold!
I have lived in this home for 6 1/2 years, the longest time
I have lived for 24 years anywhere.
This is the 12th move.
I am an expert on packing and unpacking

You just got to love those blondes....................So love this one...............

Morning Ray this guy does not even know how to spell humour.
He don't like to smile except for the camera, where he smiled for the very last time.
Never yet have seen that he plays nice.
Cleary came in this thread to tell me he loves me soooo!

I have made the decision to start networking... Does anyone of you have an older brother-friend....

[quote=wixomwizard Are you still trollin Jenny?[/quote]

I think I have said this a few times now, yes I am.
Until the last nail goes into my coffin.

I have to admit it is not working to well.
Can't think of another way though.

I have made the decision to start networking... Does anyone of you have an older brother-friend....

Yeah in michican you mean

Would you like to hear jodeling? It is really a sort of language used by herders to "talk"

Paul won the million dollars.
What a humble man huh?
Loved the one judge look at Simon like Oh boy here we go again.

When you go to youtube you can see little connie there also.

Just google britain has talent and you see some more great stuff.

You just got to love those blondes....................So love this one...............

Please crawl back under that rock you came from.
You are not a nice person and I AM being nice now.
Your always so sarcastic and now play rasist also.
You should get kicked off for that remark.
Thank goodness your not on here often.

I needed company...................

Nobody cares that I am here all alone

Lovers of the English language.................unite lol...................

I thought is was stut te ring