Very true.. even when I 'discipline' a child I would do so in a spirit of love and kindness like today for example I told the boys that I know how good they can be, explained exactly why they didn't get the treats and then expressed my confidence that they would we soooo good next week that its likely they will end up getting two treats... I hope I suceeded but my aim would never be to make a child feel bad or like a failure.... its just that kids normally know the score but will test the boundaries.. and see how far they can get...[/quote
I understand, but I feel that by loving them you are teaching them to love themselves and others thus you are helping them so much more. As far as direct reprehension, well, as much as we would like to protect them from making mistakes, sometimes they need to learn the hard way. Speaking to them about it is a good start; helping them understand where they exercised poor judgement and how that poor judgement has consequences. And last but not least, if they are old enough allow them to clean up their own mess after making a mistake, to help them learn responsibility.
You educate children by example. As parents we have the responsibility to provide our children with a warm home environment, and we have to make them our priority in life. Children feel whether they are loved or if they bother....and no child should ever have to feel that. Also I think that most people, most adults that is, are too busy or wrapped up in their own responsibilities to stop and pay attention to what their children are really feeling. Are they happy? Have they had a good day at school? Are they warm enough? Or when was the last time you surprized your child with a really nice and unexpected gift? Or cooked his favorite meal just in time when he's returning home from school? Love is all that matters and we should never stop showing that to our children. They deserve that and so much more for brightening our otherwise quiet existence.
I find that offensive only because I feel there is a close correlation between how much you are loved and what kind of an effort he is making to show it....and I would hope that I am worth way more than that to him. It reminds me of a biblical anecdote where this poor man ended up being able to marry this girl after he promissed her father to work for him for free for a few years; and that my friends was love.....hard work, sacrifice....whatever happened to those times.
Best gifts are unique, original and unexpected.....an antique lamp, a painting, tickets to the opera, a trip someplace, an heirloom that's been in his family for generations, a house in the country....ok...i'm really daydreaming now. Worst gifts are gifts which I consider dime a dozen.....a common perfume that everyone is wearing, cheap jewelry, household appliances.
You are a cold hard realist and for that I have to applaud you. My only advice to you would be to trust in yourself a bit more and to believe that love that exist....mature love that is; it's something that you cultivate and protect and certainly don't take for granted. It may take you by surprize one of these days wise one
You need to find yourself the right partner in crime in everything you do; a healthy relationship is a give and take. Someone who is obviously making an effort to give you whatever it is they are and have and is capable to open up about themselves, and vice versa, and a relationship that is mutual and well balanced is a clear indication of being on the right track.
Not dictating......expressing dislike and animosity; what do you do then? If you do nothing and it really bothers her, I assure you it will erode a good thing. Are her feelings not important to you?
Human nature is complex, relationships are complex; sometimes we like people for whatever personal reasons and other times we simply don't click however hard we may have tried. I would not want to compete with friends I dislike in the first place for his time and affection, not to mention that people who dislike each other sooner or later end up backstabbing one another. I personally got no time for that and I expect to be his priority.
Real love is intent translated into manifestation....and being free from drama, lies, pretense, betrayal, manipulation, hypocrisy, power struggles, ......etc.
constanza Forum Posts (5,159)
You make the right one your priority.
yup
RE: What would you do if...
I don't like the sound of that......might be....she should only say so when she's 1000% sure; might she be testing him?