Kind Ways to Tell Someone You’re Not Interested

Having to turn someone down is one of the most uncomfortable experiences that we may go through in the world of dating – online or off. People approach us (probably feeling very vulnerable) and express the way they feel; and we know – for whatever reason – that we're just not interested. Many of us are sensitive enough to not want to hurt anyone's feelings. Are there kind ways of telling people we're not interested? Rejection tends to hurt. We may not be able to spare their disappointment. But there are ways of showing people respect and consideration even as we tell them that we don't share their feelings.

Being honest is the best way to honor someone who is waiting on an answer. Many people make the mistake of sugar-coating their replies in the hopes that this will reduce the sting. But wavering will ultimately be unfair to both you and the other person. The truth gives people something constructive to work with, whereas fuzziness and/or half truths keep them confused – or worse, still hopeful. What's true of our physical bodies holds true for our emotions as well: Oftentimes, a clean break is the least painful.

Even though it can hurt, many people prefer it when the person they're interested in is direct. If our aim is to be kind then we don't want to instill someone with false hopes either. An intelligent person will see through most of the excuses that we might concoct. It's best to stand your ground. Understand, too, that sometimes there really is no clean way to reject someone. They exposed themselves when they asked you out; and now you're obliged to take a risk too by being honest and saying no.

Responses like, "I don't think it would work," or "I just don't think that we're compatible," can sound patronizing to many people. What they hear is I'm just not interested: So we may as well come right out and say that! It's a mistake to think that a more diluted version of the truth will hurt less or be more respectful. It's more respectful to show people that they're worth our honesty, even if it feels uncomfortable on both aides.

If a person does react negatively to your honesty then perhaps you should feel relieved that you didn't decide to give him or her "a chance" in the first place. Oftentimes, that underlying feeling that something is off should be trusted. Our instincts are telling us something. People who don't want to hear our truth initially will probably not be any more open to hearing it down to road. By being honest, you're not only giving the other person due respect, but also respecting yourself. It's always best to hold to your own truth. Ambiguity in matters of the heart just causes confusion and unnecessary pain. In trying to spare the other person, you end up hurting them more than you ever meant to by not being direct.