How to Become Popular
Most of us are open to self-improvement and will eagerly lose weight, get fit or work harder, yet few will make a similar effort to improve their people skills. No one wants to be disliked of course. But how many us willingly face up to our character flaws? It is a pity we so rarely do because, with patience, it is surprisingly easy to increase one's popularity. It is true that not everyone likes the same thing. Some of us enjoy the company of a jovial extrovert, others prefer a quiet introvert; some of us are impressed by ambition, others find it unpleasant. However, there are certain characteristics that appeal to almost everyone. Once you become aware of these, you begin to see where you have gone wrong.
One of the most valued of these character traits is the ability to listen. This sounds trivial, yet it is surprisingly rare and highly prized. We have all met people who, instead of listening, simply wait for others to finish so that they can speak. And we have all met those who continually interrupt. But most us would resent the suggestion that we are one of them. Lots of people consider themselves 'good listeners'. Yet all too often these listening skills amount to little more than remaining silent while the other person speaks. That is not listening. Listening means giving yourself to the other person, fully engaging not just with what they say but with the emotion and personality behind the words. True listening is a form of empathy. When people feel they are not listened to, they lose their sense of connection and feel isolated and lonely. Become a good, empathetic listener and your company will be sought again and again.
Take a moment to think of the most popular individuals you know. How many of them are positive, cheerful, upbeat personalities? Never forget how hard life can be. People do not wish to be reminded of the grim events they hear on the news. They don't want to discuss war or famine or overpopulation. Neither do they wish to be reminded of day to day miseries. If you like to moan, and if you continually talk about your uncle's cancer or the faltering economy, do not be surprised when people avoid you. Be cheerful, positive and enthusiastic. It is sometimes said that cheerfulness is a form of kindness, and that is very true. Who do you want to be around, those who remind you how awful life can be, or those who remind you how good it can be?
Remember that few people feel entirely good about themselves. Many struggle with self-worth and are insecure about a range of things: their appearance perhaps, or their weight, or maybe their lack of education and low income. Whatever it is, such insecurities make people defensive and wary. Self-esteem largely rests on how we feel we compare to others, so avoid boasting. Instead, cultivate a self-mocking style and you will be surprised how people warm to you.
Being a good listener, with a cheerful, self-effacing style, is not in itself enough however. People also look for substance. Take an interest in as many things as possible, from film and literature to sports and fashion. If you are able to speak with knowledge and enthusiasm on a wide range of subjects, you will be sought out by those with similar interests. Meeting people who share our passions is one of life's greatest pleasures. As the saying goes, 'if you find life boring, it is probably because you are boring'.
And, finally, do not try! Or, rather, do not try too hard. Few traits are more off-putting than a desperate need to be liked. So learn to walk the tightrope between aloof and over-eager.