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Benefits of Bickering: Can Arguing Ever Be a Good Thing?

Benefits of Bickering Can Arguing Ever Be a Good Thing

You may feel like a failure after a spat with your significant other, but occasional arguing can actually reveal important information about your relationship and be healthy for your body and mind. Here are some of the surprising benefits of quarreling and the best ways to keep your fights fair.

Everyone knows at least one "perfect couple" in their social circle: they're the ones telling stories about their latest romantic date or going on about the flowers he sends her every Tuesday. And the kicker? They insist that they never fight! But what does that mean for a relationship? Is it healthy to never argue? While it's an obvious sign of trouble if you bicker nonstop, a little disagreement here and there may not be all that bad. Let's consider some benefits of having a tiff and the things it can teach you about your significant other.

You Can Learn a Lot during a Disagreement

It's no fun to get in a fight, but doing so can reveal some interesting beliefs, traditions, or values your partner holds dear. These subjects don't always come up in every day discourse, and they may not even surface during soul-searching conversation. If you've never talked about spoiled kids, for example, you may be surprised when your girlfriend gets defensive about the lavish gifts she has always received for Christmas. And wouldn't you be bewildered if you made a joke about the Pope only to discover that your offended partner was raised Catholic? When sensitive subjects such as these arise during an argument early on in your relationship, use it as an opportunity to find out if you're really compatible with your mate. If you're already committed, though, disagreement doesn't have to spell disaster; just make sure that you talk about these important issues when you're both cooled down and more capable of compromise.

Arguing Can Relieve Resentful Feelings

You may feel as though your relationship is less than perfect when you argue, but it's much worse to hold in your harsh feelings for the sake of "getting along". If your loved one leaves laundry out continually, don't just let your resentment build up; make an effort to confront the problem. It's quite possible that your sweetie was simply oblivious to the fact you were annoyed and making him or her aware of the problem gives an opportunity for change. And while it's obviously better to have a civil conversation when there's an issue, don't beat yourself up if the discussion gets a little heated.

Having a Spat May be Good for Your Health

Finding yourself in the middle of a feud may increase your blood pressure temporarily, but did you know that married couples who avoid arguing are likely to die at a younger age than those who bicker? Studies show that putting off confrontation can actually lead to higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which has been blamed for weight gain and other health problems. According to research at the University of Michigan, people who did choose to argue had lower levels of tension and fewer symptoms of stress. So don't worry about quarreling with your sweetie every now and then; it could help you live longer!

Fighting Fair

When you do find yourself in an altercation with your partner, make sure you fight the right way-- letting tempers flare beyond control is never beneficial. You may need to take a break during an argument to make sure both parties stay calm and reasonable. Also, it's easy to rattle off a list of things your significant other has done to make you mad, but bringing up those scenarios won't do any good. Leave the past behind, and your argument will be shorter and sweeter. Finally, always apologize when necessary; your partner will appreciate it. Even if you don't think you did anything wrong initially, it never hurts to say you're sorry for harsh words or a snapping tone. And always remember to cozy up to each other afterward-- making up after a fight can bring you closer together.

Don't be discouraged the next time you get into a quibble with your main squeeze; remember that arguing is perfectly normal and can benefit you both physically and mentally. When you learn to fight fair and forget the past, you may discover that bickering really does have its benefits.

Comments (3)

what? getting into a fight is not fun?

I love having fun debating things that my significant other has a different opinion on, when the topic is something neither of us feel is important. It provides an opportunity to get a discussion going and can open the door to any topic that is important to either, where there is something bothering one of you. That gives you the opportunity to resolve that important issue before it grows into something that can threaten the relationship.

Then the final benefit of the "fight" over something neither of you really care about, you get the kiss and make up after the fight. ]:)
Thanks for this article as it is much appreciated.I learned this lesson the hard way in my marriage and i am so glad i did so when the next one comes along i will be smarter along the way and i do know this is correct and true and very valuable advice to heed. Thank you.

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