Why Long Distance Relationships are Doomed to Fail

by Staff Oct 31, 2012 11,479 Views 9 Comments

Long distance relationships often hold the unappealing reputation for being short-term, unreliable relationships that tend to sizzle then die a short time later. This reputation is not without satisfactory proof. Long distance relationships require more work than normal ones and they often fall prey to loneliness and miscommunication easier than relationships where the couple live in the same state or city. Here are a few reasons why long distance relationships ( LDRs) may be doomed from the very beginning.

Living parallel lives can take a toll on both parties.

Long distance relationships force couples to live parallel lives. You each have your own set of friends, go to different cafes and bars, have different hobbies, and even go to bed in different time zones. Most people in LDR relationships also resent the fact that they are not really like most couples who have a circle of common friends that they can hang out with.

Lack of a couple identity often affects the authenticity of an LDR.

Most couples find comfort in the fact that family and friends recognize them as part of a couple. A couple identity often helps solidify the bond between the couple and affirm to outsiders that there is something serious between them. It is harder to forge a couple identity if no one sees you together hanging out in the same cafe, having lunch in a restaurant or doing volunteer work together. For most couples, the lack of a couple identity undermines the value that they should place in their relationship. It makes it easier to think of the LDR as something that you only attend to when you are in front of the computer, but not when you are out with your friends.

Lack of face-to-face communication easily leads to miscommunication.

Miscommunication is often the first enemy of long distance couples. Being unable to see the other person's body language can make it hard to decipher the real tone of a text message, an email, or even a voicemail. One or two misread signs are ok, but when this becomes the normal thing, it could easily lead to arguments and more miscommunication down the road.

Lack of attention even when you are together often leads to friction.

Most couples start with a plan to talk each night, or to send messages all throughout the day. Skype is the LDR couple's weapon against countless nights of loneliness. However, as days turn to months you often notice that it gets easier to do something else, like watch TV or surf for the newest movies online while the other party is on a small Skype window in a corner of your computer screen. While some couples feel comfortable doing this night after night, there are times when one party wants to have a deep, meaningful conversation and the other party may not be up for the job because he is busy doing something else. This could cause the other party to feel like he or she is taken for granted or that the other party may not be the right person to go to when he or she needs someone who can engage her in an engaging and intelligent conversation.

Couples who engage in LDRs often have not met each other personally before starting the relationship.

This is true for some but not all. In the age of the internet it is not uncommon to develop feelings for someone who you meet online. You fall in love, or think you do, and both of you commit to stay in an exclusive relationship, not realizing the amount of commitment needed to stay faithful to someone you have never met. For most couples who start out this way, it does not take a lot to stray. There could be more attractive prospects nearby, and some may end up 'cheating' on the other with someone closer while maintaining the virtual relationship for fear of hurting the other party.

LDRs can fall prey to trust issues.

Not being able to see someone or know what they are doing, or not knowing the people that the other person is hanging out with, can leave the other party wondering if the other person is really where he is or doing what he says he is doing. LDRs require a lot of faith and if you are the type of person who finds it hard to trust someone, this could easily lead to doubt. Reassuring a doubting partner is also almost impossible to do the phone, which further adds to the problem.

A long distance relationship has worked for numerous couples in the past, and there are many couples who are making it work right now. However, the numbers do not lie. For every couple who succeeds in making an LDR worth their while, ten more end up in bitterness, resentment, and regret. Before entering an long distance relationship, it is important to remember that LDRs require double the amount of work, understanding, and appreciation that normal relationships require. If making a normal relationship work has taken its toll on you, ask yourself whether you can take the pressure of an long distance relationship before committing to one.

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Comments (9)

tetch•Jul 11•philippines, Hong Kong

LDRs doomed to fail at the beginning simply bcoz both doesnt have the chemistry and bonds together to be in reality.. LDR is only meant to those who are committed to make things happen and havin the positive thought of possible things will achieve no matter what it takes. People who are in an LDR relationship that dont see themselves to be with the person from the other side of the world or see themselves to travel an hour or so to be with the person they thought they want to share their life with is the one who fails from the start its bcoz they themselves have no driven passion to pursue somethin,they are lack of confidence to try a new journey,or afraid to see new things ahead. LDR works only to those who have compassion in building a relationship with hopes and beliefs,to those who only see themselves to acquire a new facets of life,challenges ahead and facing the unknown. The only key for an LDR relationship is embracing the circumstances and nothing to fear of failure that things might not work out. Always remind yourself that what u want and what u dream about can only achieve if u are willing to do so and to undergo any trials along the way. LDR works if u have set goals in it,not if u dont.. Simple..:-)

Lorest11•Jun 30•Paramaribo, Suriname

Oh! Yes.. For a Ldr to actually work, I feel lots of effort/patience has to be made/agreed upon by the parties involved. Ldrs has worked for many, it depends also on if the two Individuals are really into each other ... Trust I would say is the key word for a Ldr to succeed. For e.g it's difficult to know what the other person is doing on a daily basis... If there are doubts that's where a problem begin and go down hill.
I feel to enhance a Ldr, its best to talk on a daily basis not mainly at nights and if one party can travel to visit the other in the midst, there's more chance of the relationship been a success.

moe7404•Jun 24•wichita, Kansas USA

Moe. iam in a long distance relationship from this site. i never thought i could like some one so much with out ever meeting them. our plan is for her to come here to stay. and there have been some trouble getting it to happen. but i think it will happen.

whitelily1•Jun 23•Jakarta, Indonesia

It can work if we are willing to do LDR
It works for busy people actually who wants some privacy
The biggest problem is only misscommunication.
If hes here i can touch and hugs him... and sure he will understand.
human touch is more than anything.

arpito•Jun 18•Budapest, Hungary

i had a marriage and 4 wonderful years out of a long distance relationship. They are perfectly feasible if the parties know what they want and have the means to get together for meaningful lengths of time. I met her online in 2012, married her in 2014 and we moved only in with each other a year later. Sometimes when she was away in her country, we would turn Skype on for hours on end while we went about our town things. It was almost like having her in the same room.

Skipper4ever•May 5•Mihla, Germany

Thats a good Question...i can wait i can live in a far distance relationship. When she can even wait for me its allright. I search for a Women who thinks even so in the Caribbean. Its a pity but thats in all long distance relationships the same. I think the the basics is to trust each other. There are a lot oft pretty boys and girls around the globe. And its not a crime to look them when you be true to your one.

Brianebartlett•May 14, 2014•Burlington, Ontario, Ontario Canada

When you have nothing in person type of relationship I guess this is a last resort thing to try, life is a gamble too, sometimes it doesn't go your way as well.

Same here, it could work, it might not...I'd say the odds of a LDR are not as good as a real relationship in person.

But if you don't try, you'll never know.

loanar65•Jan 23, 2013•biddeford, Maine USA

hi. i met a woman on a dating site i live in maine and she lives in new hampshire. we messaged bach and forth for about a month we seemed to have alot in common. we decided to meet i guess we were both curious to see each other. she drove to my home town, we had lunch and took in a movie. we both enjoyed each others company. she wanted to come up here again but i tald her it wouldn't work cause i've tried one before, she was a little dissapointed but i know it wouldn't work. i wish she was a local girl i would have loved to see her more, but oh well. ldrs just don't work.