Why Long Distance Relationships are Doomed to Fail

Long distance relationships often hold the unappealing reputation for being short-term, unreliable relationships that tend to sizzle then die a short time later. This reputation is not without satisfactory proof. Long distance relationships require more work than normal ones and they often fall prey to loneliness and miscommunication easier than relationships where the couple live in the same state or city. Here are a few reasons why long distance relationships ( LDRs) may be doomed from the very beginning.

Living parallel lives can take a toll on both parties.

Long distance relationships force couples to live parallel lives. You each have your own set of friends, go to different cafes and bars, have different hobbies, and even go to bed in different time zones. Most people in LDR relationships also resent the fact that they are not really like most couples who have a circle of common friends that they can hang out with.

Lack of a couple identity often affects the authenticity of an LDR.

Most couples find comfort in the fact that family and friends recognize them as part of a couple. A couple identity often helps solidify the bond between the couple and affirm to outsiders that there is something serious between them. It is harder to forge a couple identity if no one sees you together hanging out in the same cafe, having lunch in a restaurant or doing volunteer work together. For most couples, the lack of a couple identity undermines the value that they should place in their relationship. It makes it easier to think of the LDR as something that you only attend to when you are in front of the computer, but not when you are out with your friends.

Lack of face-to-face communication easily leads to miscommunication.

Miscommunication is often the first enemy of long distance couples. Being unable to see the other person's body language can make it hard to decipher the real tone of a text message, an email, or even a voicemail. One or two misread signs are ok, but when this becomes the normal thing, it could easily lead to arguments and more miscommunication down the road.

Lack of attention even when you are together often leads to friction.

Most couples start with a plan to talk each night, or to send messages all throughout the day. Skype is the LDR couple's weapon against countless nights of loneliness. However, as days turn to months you often notice that it gets easier to do something else, like watch TV or surf for the newest movies online while the other party is on a small Skype window in a corner of your computer screen. While some couples feel comfortable doing this night after night, there are times when one party wants to have a deep, meaningful conversation and the other party may not be up for the job because he is busy doing something else. This could cause the other party to feel like he or she is taken for granted or that the other party may not be the right person to go to when he or she needs someone who can engage her in an engaging and intelligent conversation.

Couples who engage in LDRs often have not met each other personally before starting the relationship.

This is true for some but not all. In the age of the internet it is not uncommon to develop feelings for someone who you meet online. You fall in love, or think you do, and both of you commit to stay in an exclusive relationship, not realizing the amount of commitment needed to stay faithful to someone you have never met. For most couples who start out this way, it does not take a lot to stray. There could be more attractive prospects nearby, and some may end up 'cheating' on the other with someone closer while maintaining the virtual relationship for fear of hurting the other party.

LDRs can fall prey to trust issues.

Not being able to see someone or know what they are doing, or not knowing the people that the other person is hanging out with, can leave the other party wondering if the other person is really where he is or doing what he says he is doing. LDRs require a lot of faith and if you are the type of person who finds it hard to trust someone, this could easily lead to doubt. Reassuring a doubting partner is also almost impossible to do the phone, which further adds to the problem.

A long distance relationship has worked for numerous couples in the past, and there are many couples who are making it work right now. However, the numbers do not lie. For every couple who succeeds in making an LDR worth their while, ten more end up in bitterness, resentment, and regret. Before entering an long distance relationship, it is important to remember that LDRs require double the amount of work, understanding, and appreciation that normal relationships require. If making a normal relationship work has taken its toll on you, ask yourself whether you can take the pressure of an long distance relationship before committing to one.