How Age Gaps Can Affect a Relationship
Age differences have become more common in relationships, and someone being significantly older or younger than their partner is no longer the taboo it once was. However this doesn't mean that having a large age gap in a relationship is not without its difficulties.
One of the biggest issues faced by couples who have a large age gap in their relationship is that they will often have different plans for the future of the relationship. In many cases the older partner in the relationship will be looking to settle down and start a family, while the younger partner is not always ready for such a commitment. In some cases the older partner already has family commitments from a previous relationship, which can cause friction with their current partner. On a similar note, the possibility of starting a family may lead to tension where the younger person would like to have children but their older partner has a family from a previous relationship, and doesn't want to have any more children.
Partners in relationships with large age gaps often find it difficult to relate to their partner's friends, sometimes finding their older partner's friends boring or their younger partner's friends immature. Even if this is not the case, their partner's friends often leave them out of the group, either consciously or subconsciously. Similarly, partners may have different ideas of fun places for dates.
As with any relationship, insecurity is one of the main issues which can destroy a happy couple. When in relationships with an age gap, partners often find themselves worrying that their other half will run off with someone their own age.
Honesty and communication are important factors in any relationship, but even more so when there is a large age gap between partners. If the relationship is meant to be then the partner will understand any issues, and be willing to work towards resolving them. Many people in these relationships, particularly the older partner, make the mistake of bottling up their feelings, assuming that their partner will not understand due to the age difference, or is too immature to want to change. Communication is of particular importance with regards to future plans for marriage and family.
Some relationships with age gaps simply won't work, as with any relationships, however by talking things through and making the effort to respect your partner's needs you can increase the chances of making the relationship work in the longer term.
Comments (15)
Another thing is this marriage thing. you think THAT'S LOVE?
Signing a DOCUMENT for love (or whatever) so later when it all falls apart your "love" can use the law against you? Yeah.
Age difference. What about people who ARE looking for a mother or father figure?
Maybe it happens more often than you think. Maybe sadder, is some people struggle with that all their lives, never realizing that for whatever reason, or whatever their parents did to them, they are actually meant for that sort of a relationship. Usually but not always, the older one is seen as one with great wisdom, and experience. The Younger can learn from him. And the younger brings freshness and youth into the Older's life. Maybe even gives him something to live FOR.
They both have to understand their humor and knowledge was geared to whatever generation they were born into. Like a Brit and an American talking. They understand each others language (almost) perfectly, but some things will be taken the wrong way. And they simply have to be aware of that.
And how many times have people of whatever is the Perfect Age for each other failed miserably in THEIR relationships?
I say if you like something, go for it. Be AWARE of possible pitfalls. And when and IF it goes stale, then you simply must get out. And God help you if you married the bastid!
C'ya!
My wife of blessed memory was 18 years older than me. We had a good marriage, and age-difference was never a problem for us, but it certainly was for a lot of other people. People accused her of being a gold-digger, etc. The treated me like a 60's hippie, just because I have long-hair. The fact that I listen to classical music and don't do drugs of any kind, was always lost on them. Their prejudice always made their choices for them.
I don't recommend running out and trying to find someone much older, or much younger. But there are some very valid and legitimate reasons for it.
I divorced my first wife after one month of marriage when I caught her writing a letter to her boy-friend. (She claimed I was much older and mature than she was....a whole nine months!) It was ten years before I even considered dating again. When I did, I'd seen enough in that ten years to know I wanted a mature woman, and there just weren't any to be found that were still single. So, I made a conscious decision to find somebody older, as long as they appeared to have a little bit of maturity. It worked, and it worked quite well.
As I said, the only age-issues we ever had, were other people treating us wrong. Sad that prejudice still runs so many stupid people's lives.
But be clear on one point. For good or for ill, it is more likely that the older person will die before the younger. When my 26-year marriage ended and I became a widower, it was the toughest thing I've ever gone through. The marriage was worth it, and I would never change a thing. But it took me 2 1/2 years to get over it, and Covid kicked me when I was already down, and I have since lost four very good friends (none from the virus, but instead, from the quarantine or "treatments". One died less than a week after my wife did, and was completely unrelated to covid or quarantine.)
So, you can safely ignore most of the discussion about age, except the discrimination, as some of the above comments show. But you still need to make sure you get married for the right reason! (Yes, marriage is even more important today, that it was in the past.)
Shalom,
Iyyov
Males who chase much younger women will of course get left behind when the young woman feels embarrassed and ashamed to be seen with an old bloke. The bloke will end up alone and the young woman will find a man of her own age and put the embarrassing, tawdry old bloke in the past and never talk him and pretend she doesn't even know him a few months later when she's mixing with people of her own age.
Also, being financially stable, as well as emotional. Without those elements, those relationship expires quickly than one may realize.
I have had by my self big gap in relationship,but there was no problem in any situation, about age differense, the only thing that made the real problem, was that we did not have interests in the same things.
I think any relationship has to do with compatibility & respect for their partner, no their age. I've dated older guys who acted like they were 5 years old!