Aggressiveness
Being a person who always searches for a logical and reasonable way, these days I felt I needed to get to know more about aggressiveness, regarding the atmosphere on CS blogs lately. What I read, can be summed up in the following way:There are two main reasons for aggressiveness:
1. Fear (of being hurt, revealed, abandoned, etc), therefore the aggressive behavior is self-defence through attacking;
2. Striving for justice (defence of someone, of some idea, cause, etc), therefore the aggression is a try to make the world a better place through imposing some "ideal model".
The aggressiveness has many faces, from mocking, sneaky comments, and sarcasm to direct personal attacks (here I won t comment the physical aggressiveness which is not relevant in our case).
The first impulse of the attacked one is to reply with the same and even more so the initial attack soon turns into a fight where there might be a logical winner (the one who uses strongest arguments or the attacked one) but actually there is no winner. Why? Because the aggressiveness unlocks irrational energies, where the logic and common sense always fail. The irritation, fear, fury, jealousy, envy, and hatred are very strong feelings coming from the dark realm of the unconscious, and drag us back to the uncivilized.
What to do when we meet aggressiveness? Obviously, there are two ways: to react or not to react. They both have their strong arguments. The psychologists suggest several steps to deal with aggressiveness. First of all, to try to understand the attacking person. To see their fears, or other reasons. Not to speculate with them, though. Understanding the other helps us seeing them rationally and with empathy, not as some furious monster who menaces our inner peace. This understanding extinguishes our anger and stops us from replying to the attack with attack.
A second step could be either ignoring the attacks or replying in a firm but calm and polite way.
Remember: You can never change the other person. You can t "bribe" an attacking person with kindness nor defeat them with logic. Better focus on yourself and leave them fighting with their demons.
Pro Domo Sua
The net and especially CS (blogs) unlock aggressiveness in many people, including me. For quite a time I have asked myself why. The well-known argument of feeling safe while being hidden behind the pc is true. We d never talk to someone the way we talk here if it was eyes in eyes.
But for me, there is another, more intriguing reason. The weird, awful familiarity between people on the net. The luxury to share everything, even the most intimate stuff with random people has a very high price: we get terribly familiar with these people and therefore we lose our private space. There are no limits between us anymore which means no inhibitions for our interference in the personal life of completely unknown people. We allow ourselves to give advice and to comment without being asked, to be mentors, to ask arrogant questions etc, etc, everything that in "real life" would be considered utterly unkind and out of the bonton.
I myself, having some intelligence, logic and ability to express myself well, have been tempted to feel superior to many here. Yes there are silly people, hypocrites, mean people, arrogant ones, etc, etc. I felt it my "cause" here to defend justice and to impose some ideal model on CS blogs. Model which was in my head and according to which everybody here should be smart, interesting, writing great intelligent blogs, not attacking each other, always saying the truth, etc.
Totally unreal aim. The world and CS blogs in particular, are far from perfection. We can t make the fool clever, the hypocrite frank, the mean one an angel.
We can only work on ourselves and express ourselves in a balanced way. Whoever has ears will hear, whoever has eyes will see.
Comments (109)
The Evil Wievil . . .
PS: I for one do admire your sence of humor . You also are quite good at it . . .
Now as for the political swaying or correctness. . . . . . . .I think it best that I don't comment on that subject . You might be acused of haveing a sunburn. . . . . After I finish .
Nice blog. I have seen the fights and it seems it's always you afterwards who takes the time to self reflect on your actions (even if it was warranted at the time) and humbles you. I really wish others would do this but they are too immature and won't let things go.
All I can say is don't stoop to their level and if you really must have it out with them suggest private mail. Then it won't blow up to a bigger fight where the pack mentality happens. I cannot believe people act in such a way! Stay away from them and their blogs at all costs!
Take care!
There is nothing wrong with differing opinions, however, the way we respond to one another can be wrong and leads to your topic of aggression. It's really rather simple in my mind. Treat others the way you want to be treated. It's okay to disagree, but don't be rude and disrespectful. You can make your point in a polite way without putting someone else down. We all have topics we are compassionate about. As compassionate as we may be with one topic, someone else could be just as compassionate, but have completely the opposite belief. It's life, up bringing, education, environment, etc. that lead each of us to our own belief. Does it make it right or wrong? No, simply makes us different. Take religion as an example. There are many different religious groups in the world, all believing things a little differently. Who is right? Who is wrong? No one will truly know until we die(in my opinion) So why argue and fight over it? What good will it do? The examples could go on and on, but why waste everyone's time here? The point is, we are all different and we all have varying differences in beliefs. Do you (not you specifically Jana) really thing in the end your going to change a grown adults beliefs to match yours on these blogs? So what is the point in getting so worked up over things? I don't see a point. Live and let live, enjoy the conversation and have fun.
Take care all! Thanks Jana for the thought provoking blog!
God bless you,Ariel!
On the topic: to "strive/fight for justice" needs some (nice) arrogance and you are one of the kindest and sweetest people I have ever known
Have a wonderful day and see you around
I believe that being strong includes the ability of self-reflection and self-development. My English is not good enough to judge if the word "opinionated" has some negative nuance but I think the firm opinion should be combined with some flexibility in the attitude/tone. Of course, one s point can be changed, too, if there is strong evidence supporting another point.
Defending one s point is often considered defending one s person/ego. Taking everything or most of the things personally leads to an awful bias and suspiciousness. It should be "fight" of thoughts and opinions and not of personal attacks.
Have a lovely day and hopefully see you more often here!
All the best to you too and have a wonderful day!
Nice to see you too. I don't come on the blogs much anymore cause I'm keeping busy in real life plus I find the blogs toxic at times. But I still read them! So I'm sure if you posted it I'd see it!
Take care!
Take care!
Enjoy your day too!
Here is a great song for you all with the wish that we "talk to strangers" with respect and understanding
Here is a lyric song for more romantic people:
And something for the metal fans:
Just passing through though.
Keep your head up.
Jimmy Carter was the only President to broker a peace in the Mid East and I think your skills in that area would be usefull today . I can't think of anybody that would do the diplomacy that you do here . You really are a super woman, no wonder I love you .. .
PS: It is Celestial Seasons brand " Mandarin Orange Spice " herb tea .
I also don't care what you call your diplomacy just as long as it works . I can't think of anyone that could settle the fighting here better than you did . You made this place fun again .
Kisses. . . . . and hugs. . . . .to our very own superwoman. . . .