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But I know I can't. I am realistic about Life. But I think it is okay to wish.

Yesterday my oldest daughter got married. The legal part of it. The actual wedding is in two months.


I went to the cemetery in the morning and laid flowers on three graves. My Dad, my late husband and my late parents in law. I was asking myself why I was doing it. Of course I miss them and wish they were here. But more than that I am forever grateful for them being a part of my life.

I didn't mention her of her dad. I just wanted her to be happy. So it was a secret visit to the ones who passed.

I joined CS after my husband's passing. It was a difficult time. There are lots of people who have been kind to me here. I won't mention names. Though we don't talk often on blogs, I am forever grateful to all the wonderful people. You helped me to move on.

Welela, Wallops, KN, Sands. Even Ian who are not in CS any longer. Thank you for your kindness and understanding. I hope all of you are keeping healthy and happy.

Of course there was a troll or two I got to know. Somehow you came to my mind RC. Funny, I feel you will read this.

Life goes on. People come in to our lives for reasons, seasons and life times. Even death does not seem to part the one I once loved, married and had children with. I think it is natural to think of him and feel his absence on days like these.



Wish he was there standing by my side.

A cousin, twice removed (my grandfather was her great-great-grandfather), who now lives a thousand miles from here, called me the other day. She asked if they (her husband and three children) could spend a few days with me when they visit Cape Town during the school holidays. I am very fond of her, so naturally, I said yes.

Then came the second request. Will it be a problem if her husband’s twin brother comes along? I started seeing problems. He is also married with three children. I already have misgivings about her husband and if I have to put up with a look-alike as well, it was not something to look forward to. After a moment of doubt, I reluctantly agreed.

But it was still not the end. They will be coming to Cape Town by bus, she explained, and will need transportation. It will be ‘very much appreciated’ if they could use my car while they are here. I made such a mistake before; I was certainly not going to do it again. I suppose I could have offered them the use of my dilapidated one-ton pick-up truck, but I curtly refused the request. She sounded a bit disappointed but promised to make another plan.

Well, a plan they made. I expected them on Monday but they arrived out of the blue earlier today in two shiny white Japanese cars. The terrible twins, their spouses and six children between them, their ages ranging from two to eleven. Mercifully, they will be leaving for another family member on Tuesday or Wednesday. I’m hoping for Tuesday rather than Wednesday.

Six little angels.

They have only been here for only a few hours and already I’m up the bend. I politely excused myself with the story that I have important work to do and withdrew upstairs to my playroom. The kids are up and down the wooden staircase driving me mad. I will have to stop it before I go completely nuts. I wonder if one can buy nerve gas at the pharmacy.


Enjoy your weekend; I won’t have the opportunity to do that.

IT goes without saying mums are the ones who teach us love and care...and dads are there to show u discipline. Some do both, Id like to say I had that balance although my dad was an a** I respected both for what to be and not to be.

When I lost my dad I didn't care, never loved him, but my mum was the biggest shock. As kids,teenagers and into our 30 we don't see them as passing, so take things for granted.....don't !. ,

I was going through some old stuff and found the speech I wrote for her funeral...thought I'd share.


Jeremy clarksons mum invented Paddington bear
Mike nesbit mum from the monkees invented tipex
My mum ? She invented the single finger twix, the two bar kit Kat and an apple that looks like a potato

You see my mum her loved food, and she loved mine to. How my mum discovered these new inventions was simple. When I started my first job at 15 she made me packed lunches.. And as she was placing the sandwiches and 2 bar twix into my pack, she would come over all peckish, and one finger of twix was swiftly eaten before the lid was closed.

As time went on two bars from a 4 bar kit Kat would be found, some days just bread and butter..no filling ! When I asked mum she'd say..oh did I forget to put filling in, how we laughed, and so did my work collueges.
Every day they would wait to see me open my box. Mum got wind of this and one day there was bite marks in my sarnies and another day just a potato , nothing else.

But the real reason for this was mum was hungry, dad had left us and no support, sometimes she had no money for the filing of my sandwiches, yet hid it from me and made a joke of it. I was earning £21 a week then and gave her all my money.

I've dreaded this day all my life, none of us here realise the huge void that has been left in front of us all with mums passing. She suffered so much yet she never ever complained , hid her pain from us all, ever the mother trying to protect us all.

Mum would always asked me if I took sugar in my tea, for over thirty years, yes mum I take one...what I would give now to be at mums house, her asking me if i took sugar, something that irritated me,but something I will never hear from her again.

I know time is a healer but I also know we will be without our rock to guide us, comfort, our world was so rich with her around, nothing can ever replace that.



.....I cried the whole time I read that out...as did most listening..as did I writing it today.

My message is very simple...don't take the ones you love for granted....if you live far..go see them...call them every week...when they are gone...they are gone.

Can a first cousin, once removed, be attached again? If so, I want to exhume his body. Just to tell him about the scandalous way in which his daughter and her married-on family left my house after I had to reprimand them (the twin brothers) for settling an argument in my front garden during the early hours of the morning. But I don’t feel like talking about them now.

My father phoned very early this morning to inform me that he‘s not feeling well and won’t be having lunch with us, so I won’t be going either. I stayed in bed until a short while ago. And while I was in bed, my guests left without a thank you or a good bye. Now they are gone and I have to continue living next to my neighbors… but I said I don’t want to talk about them.

Anyway, my father skipped lunch two weeks ago as well and when I called on him that afternoon he was not in. His neighbor apparently knew something I did not know; for he made a discreet phone call, and me old man arrived some ten minutes later. And he could not wait for me to depart. I think he’s got a new girlfriend.

This leaves me with a dilemma. What do I eat today? I have been emptying my freezer because I’m going to shoot my yearly kudu shortly. I’ll be leaving on Thursday but I won’t be away for long, I normally go for two weeks, but I have a medical check-up scheduled for the 7th. Maybe I can have it postponed for a few days.

I’m not fond of chicken and I don’t eat burgers, so KFC and McDonald are out. I depleted my steaks last night and only have a few pork chops left in the freezer. Not exactly my favorite food, but they are quick to prepare. I’m going to try my new stick free pan today. There should be some salads left over from last night.

At least my far-off cousin makes a decent potato salad... Damn it, man! How many time must I say that I don't want to talk about them.


I wish you all a grand Sunday. Yea, you too!

Oh where oh where can loveuallnite be? Oh where oh where could he be ? If anyone knows please tell me I can't seem to find he

My only daughter has returned to Tennessee! Eight months pregnant, so I get to be there for the birth. Actually was in the hospital all night Friday night with contractions but was sent home. Could be anytime.she needs everything almost..but, I am so delighted she calls Tennessee her home. Her Real home!!?

My son's little brother. We are all happy today...we are blessed with another angel



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I'm giving up. I can't go on like this anymore....It seems that I can never do anything right at all. I feel like I'm going no where in life...tired of Putting, my own needs and happiness on the back burner .........