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Off to Cali I go. Its been a long awaited time to finally get to the place I have always wanted to live

I 'm sure a lot of you have probably heard this one before but I just couldn't resist putting it on here. I love jokes of all kinds and love to share jokes too :) Nothing better than a good joke when you feel blah! Enjoy!


"There was a flight that had only four people on it - the pilot, a young boy scout, an elderly pastor and a scholarly looking gentleman. During the flight the pilot came back and said that they were experiencing engine difficulties and that the plane was going to crash. The good news was that they had parachutes, but the bad news was that there were only three.

Explaining that he had to make a full report of the situation to the authorities he quickly slipped on the parachute and jumped.

The scholarly gentleman stood up next and explained that he had studied at Oxford, Harvard, Yale and other such schools and that he was one of the most intelligent persons in the world. He said that the world needed his wisdom and great learning. So he grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The pastor considered his age and the fact that he had lived a full life and told the boy that he should use the last parachute. The boy scout calmly said, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay." The most intelligent person in the world just put on my backpack before he jumped."

hey all, im having no luck meeting men out generally so thought id try internet dating you only live once right! .. just wanna find someone whos honest, caring and a bit on the romantic side knows how to treat a woman not to much to ask for i dont think so here i am starting my search .. people have different views on dating on the net but hey.. ill never know unless i give it a try .. right?!

I wanted to share with you the early stages of love between a man 65 and a woman 44. That in itself is not so interesting or unique. What is interesting is the man going through it and the transformation which took place. I will call him Ron for the purpose of this. Ron is often tired, often looking for energy, and often looking for a reason to laugh each night. The man is ex-law enforcement and presently security at a resort. He has a twin brother who was also ex law. and also works security here also. Both of them had a small role, playing policeman, in the movie "The Truman Show"(go take a peek at the movie). Both are so identical that, to this day (5 years) I need to pay close attention to tell them apart. Ron's brother has almost the same identical moods and mannerisms that he does.
One day working the late shift, and trying to get enough courage, he goes to the front desk makes small talk to the desk lady and then asks her if she would like to go to a movie with him. She said yes. Two or maybe three weeks go by, and I see Ron in the pastry kitchen leaning on a table doing push ups. Next time I see him, he is at the front desk, leaning on the counter, acting like he is going to do a push-up, but only going halfway, and all the while talking to his new girlfriend. Both laughing and he shuffling his feet, now and t
The interesting thing is his brother began acquiring an upbeat attitude...and no he was not sleeping with her brothers girlfriend. So just for fun, I asked Ron's brother if he felt aroused certain nights of the week...he said no (was I disappointed, there goes my theory).
And just tonight, I am talking with Ron at the security room(he just got in, ready to begin his shift). As I am talking with him, he begins splashing "Brut cologne" all over his face and his hands, back of his neck... so forth. I said to him, "what the hell are you doing"! He says she likes the smell of Brut. I said, looking down "you missed a spot", and he says smiling, she'll find it! I excused myself and went back to my station.
I've never seen a man of 60 plus years and showing it, be transformed 40 years, mentally and some cases physically because of falling in love. Truly he found his youth and his age of innocence.

You grew up in the wrong age category? It seems like there is a gap in my age range for some reason, people are always too young or too old, but in my age range they are few.

i'm seriously trying to find a relationship with a girl and its turning into shit for me. so ladies, i'm not desperate, but i really am trying to find a steady girlfriend and if you are too, and you're in the pittsburgh area, please feel free to contact me! i WILL respond back =]

thank u

In America when two people get married the wife takes the husband's last name and all their kids get that same last name. The Wife's name has a chance to get erased from the list.

Also, according to the bible from what I've heard, everyone came from Adam and Eve. What were their last names?

Anyway, the question is given the above two situations, how in the world did we get all these last names? I mean where do they come from? It doesn't make sense why marriage could get rid of a last name, yet society has a huge amount of last names. What in the world?

Another long shift end and I meander up the broken ground of the ramp towards the cage and the first of three way-markers to the surface world. Turning the corner my face is assaulted by a wave of heat and a roiling cloud of dust. The dust swirls angrily about lashing at my face and seething by, carried by the burning winds. My headlamp flickers ahead in the partially obscured darkness and I see the reflective tape of a tractor marking the entry to the collar of our 9000 level. Swinging to the left I glance ahead and see a motley collection of lamps ahead. Some pointing to the back others lance toward my own. The men are gathering for our first shuttle home. The cage drops into view and everyone gets into single file, nice and orderly to prepare to board. Stops at 88, 83, 82, 77, 75, 68, 56, 48, and finally 4700 and we have completed the first leg, well almost, as there is now a quarter mile walk to the awaiting train. Camaraderie and friendly cajoling accompany the walking trail of the near dead. Not many have any sort of energy remaining but whatever expenditure lies ahead far outshines the prospect of remaining behind so we push on. The air is cooler and slices through wet coveralls but it is refreshing at the same time, heavier with oxygen and lighter in noxious diesel. Weary bones and aching muscles creak and groan as more than a hundred men pile into the small open cars of the train. Eyes and teeth poke out of the intermittent light showing the smiling faces of the men whose lifework is plying a filthy trade in the bowels of the earth. Even after whatever individual difficulties each has faced the knowing looks of men recalling families and lives on the surface world begin to bolster faded energies. A blaring dual blast of the horn and the iron wheels begin squealing as the train pulls out and into the mile-long tunnel ahead. The rush of air muffles the conversations of men seeing hours ahead. The noise almost quells the voices but some are loud enough to carry broken bits on the winds. The tunnel is completely straight until the last corner, which indicates the end of the ride. As we enter it, the men about me begin gathering their water jugs, lunch-pails, tools, and other gear. Ready to hand for a quick disembarking and final walk to the last cage. A slow and grinding halt and a slight jolt stop the iron horse and we pour out of the open doorways to turn the corner into the raging winds from surface that pour down the main shaft. The last vestiges of wetness expire in the face of the cool tongue of icy winter above. It licks at our bodies and reminds us of what lies ahead. A brief wait and the cage arrives. Two decks fill and the cage tender rings the bells to send us heavenward. The smell in the tight confines congeals and is gratefully broken by the gusts from each level as we race upwards. A slow light bouncing stop and we are back at the head-frame area. The door slides up and men pour forth like rats from a sinking ship. Past the waiting area, and into the hallway where lamps are set to charge on the lamp racks for the next day. Up the final flight of stairs and the tag board where filthy fingers pilfer the tag that somehow manages to represent a single man in the vastness below.
Just as I drop down a level to our wicket to file my report for the day. The air goes quite and then a resounding blast echoes throughout the halls. Tiles in the shower fall to the floor. Desks are shaken and our counter rocks back and forth. Men stumble to regain their footing and paint peels from the walls in sheets. Concern and astonishment lights on the faces of every person as they look about to find some cause for this disturbance. Concussive waves emanate from the ground below and talk goes immediately to some improperly timed blast that has gone awry.
(con't)

Some time ago one of my vacations was in Mexico, and as always it was traveling from one end to the other visiting or staying in those wonderful remote places far away from the tourist trail.
One exception to the rule was to visit Cataratas de Agua Azul, located between Palenque and San Cristóbal de las Casas in the Chiapas Province.

To cut a long story short it is a series of very beautiful waterfalls that stretches for kilometers, and yes the best part is you can swim in most of them, but not without some risk. Another nice thing about this place during my stay, was that most if the tourists were mainly Mexican, and trust me they are great people & friendliness is second to none.

Well anyway on one day it was time to test the crystal blue waters, and it’s not hard to find a rock to sit on out in the waters, so after a few hours of swimming in the waters and sitting on my own personal rock, the decision was to swim across to mainland and explore the jungle a bit.

It was about halfway towards dry land that cramp overtook my body, and my body began to sink. In the space of 8 seconds my body was taken under, and not a single chance of shouting for help face down.

Realizing the situation & understanding the remote chance of being saved, brings you to another point of learning, and that is not to struggle, amd fear left me for another.

In those few minutes there was absolute peace and a feeling of not being alone, it was almost like being free and moving on, and there was no sound from above to disturb me. Some would say this was a religious experience, but my belief is based upon the experience and there were no angles. As my lungs filled with water my eyes closed, and in my mind there was no regrets.

At that exact moment my hair was pulled tightly & a strong arm was wrapped around my neck, and almost to my own fear was being pulled back towards the surface. As soon as my head broke surface the struggling set in, and the person that held me in his tight grip dragged me to dry land.

Once out of the water he pumped my lungs until the surrounding grass was colored, and then carried me to a quite area and set me against a tree. After that he left me and then returned with two cups of tea, and told me to drink too avoid going into shock again.

As we sat under the tree he told me about himself, and how he was employed as a ranger to patrol the waters. He had decided to walk a route he normally did not walk, and he himself thought it odd at the time. He smiled at this and said with a definite certainty it was not my time, when asked why he said that- his reply was a smile. That smile still remains with me, because it shined with knowledge of perhaps something myself was not allowed to know.

He led me to the water again and told me to get in. He said now we take your fear of swimming away, and we swam for a short while in the shallows to get my confidence back. He was a good man, and will never be forgotten by me.

Looking back on this not just brings a smile upon my face, but something invaluable learnt especially concerning relationships. When we feel out of or depth and the struggling gets to the point of giving up, then don’t give up – just let go, because there is a big difference between the two.

In your relationship be attentive and always show that your support is there, and if ever your partner is in times of trouble, they will know where their lifeguard is to bring them to safety. To your partner you should be seen as a force which is always there, a force that can be depended upon for rescue and shelter.

The waters of life can be very deep, so remain hand in hand with the person whom you have said I love you, because that way you will both keep your balance and avoid the water pulling you under.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

As I am a MAN looking for a WOMAN I only want to hear from WOMEN on this matter PLEASE.
Ok this is my dilemma:
I am middle aged, look great and feel great for my age; I am fit healthy with a great sense of humor.
I am almost solvent and ready to find my ideal woman.

Because I am very independent, domesticated and very considerate in many ways I feel that I may become a threat to most females.
I have lived on my own now for many years and I have fallen into a pattern of doing things my own way and keeping things very tidy.
Will this become a threat to the average female?

I don’t wish to attract a female that doesn’t know how to be domesticated but I also don’t want her to feel I will take over.
I just want to share every thing in life including the things that most men would expect the female to do for them.

I am a great cook and would cook every night if required, ironing is easy as is all other stuff around the house but if you had all these things done for you would you end up taking advantage of it?

I just want the female psyche on it all so that I don’t drive them crazy and if I know how to play it then I also wont get to feel used.
I believe that the more a man can do for a woman around the house the more time they can have for quality time together.

I suppose I would get annoyed if I did all this so that she could go off with her mates on a night out all the time.
Just trying to get the balance right and wondering what your views would be on this situation.

In short I want to show independence with out offending her or being taken for a mug at the same time.
Please only serious replies.

Thanks in advance.x