How to Get Men to Talk

Getting men - whether a boyfriend, husband or even a son - to open up and communicate can be one of the toughest parts of a relationship. If you're with a man who clams up at the very mention of open communication, you're going to need to be three things: honest about how his silence hurts both you and your relationship; patient; and willing to hear what he has to say.

If you are resentful that your partner doesn't open up to you, it is likely he will never know it unless you tell him. Come to him when you aren't all riled up about his inability to communicate. Don't shout it at him during an argument and don't go into the conversation trying to make him feel guilty. Remember that he isn't trying to be distant and reserved; odds are he is scared of being that vulnerable, was never taught how to communicate, doesn't see a need for it or a combination of all these. He's not doing this to hurt you; he's just doing what feels natural. Go into the conversation with the clear idea that you are here to find out why he doesn't open up, not what you can do to make him open up.

When you are in a calm and patient place, bring up his lack of communication. Ask him why he won't open up to you: tell him you want to hear what he has to say and you feel like something is missing because he won't share with you. Be honest about how it hurts you when he doesn't tell you things, and how it damaged your trust and relationship when he isn't willing to talk things out.

You won't get him to talk to you the first time you try. Stay patient. Only bring the topic up when you are in a calm mood. Show him your distress, but don't show him your anger - communicate it, but don't shove it in his face. Remember it is as hard for him to communicate as it is for you when he doesn't.

Lastly - and most importantly - be realistic about what you are asking him to do and the ramifications of that. If you want him to talk, you'll have to be open to what he has to say. This doesn't mean you have to agree with him or believe everything he says when he finally does open up, but do remember that you wanted him to be honest so it is your responsibility to hold what he says gently and respectfully.