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There are lots of profiles where the women are saying "I'm looking for a soulmate."
That should be redefined.
A soulmate is specific... the one in a million person who is right for you.
It's not like you are shopping for blue leather boots that matches your blue leather purse.

A soulmate is a person who's thoughts, ideas, moral fiber matches yours. Someone that after death (if you strongly believe) your souls will continue on together.

That said, looking for a soulmate would be better described as looking for my soulmate.

Or in the case of shopping for boots, you would be looking for a solemate.

Nearly all the members who are active in blogs and forums have strong personalities. Some stronger than others... obviously. When a strong personality does or says something opposite to what CS wants to reflect on their site, a comment or blog gets deleted. Often as a warning and a 'time-out' should they consider the offense become more serious.

I cannot remember the number of years I've been here and how many members were banned, but it's more than a handful. Banning I believe was mostly (but not always) for political reasons. Some return with a new profile and in a short time get banned again. I think it's not for the way they behave as a 'new' member, but rather for the sins and havoc created in their previous profile.

Compared to other sites, moderation at CS is very light. I'm sure there are more important things for them to attend to aside from our little space on the internet. But when they do visit you may see several things happen in one swipe.

A few years ago their position was stated and requests from CS staff were stated as to what blogs they want to see less of. That's long gone and it's business as usual.

Last year a handful of blogs disappeared and some of the members who authored them disappeared too. While some of the blogs of the 'dearly departed' remain, most of them are unlocked. Only this week I see some long lasting blogs have been locked.

My opinion/question is shouldn't a blog of a banned member be locked or deleted too?


Oh, the difference one member can make...

Hopefully men are following instructions and reading this before contacting me...

I used to get upset that all men cared about was the photo on dating sites (or for that matter CL replies) your looks are a result of one minute of creation and how you look is a result of the "good" genetics your parents had, whereas your personality is a result of your sense of humor, intelligence and innate (or not of kindness) and in MY case hours (LOL) of carefully crafting my profile, writing and re-writing!

The photos are to show my puckish sense of humor, I am NOT trying to fool anyone but I know if you are just oogling the photo or bothered to read my profile which (if a person had any brains) could figure out it was taken DECADES ago! I always tell my age so if you think that in my sixties I would look like this, (in my forties though looked like that though!) you're not on the swift side.

I want to find someone who had a puckish sense of humor like me. but also adventurous and curious and DARING, which means willing to see what I look like NOW in person vs. the past, the big hint was should have been wrote you'll have to meet me to see if I have aged like fine wine or do I look like Jabba the Hut. I used to say that this was taken before Reagan was elected but when one guy said his photo might make me throw up but at least it was taken after McCain left the Hanoi Hilton, so even if that was waay (sic) after that, I will keep that in.

I am NOT too stupid to take a good photo as one man said, my caption tells why it looks blurry (though one man thought it showed I had good cheekbones, go figure that!) for god's sake it's a dating site, don't take photos so seriously!!!

Well, here we are again...

I know that I don't come here often, but I thank everyone who reads and interacts with my blogs. I usually come here to talk about the things that I have difficulty expressing to anyone in person. Or when I need a diversified opinion. Because mostly, the people I interact with in my environment share a monotonous perspective on almost everything.

I have been single and out to the dating pool for a moment now. but I am in dilemma of whether I should keep being open and hope in case i meet my match soon, or take charge and just close myself entirely until I am in a more suitable environment.

Where I am is considered by many nationalities as a state of passage - a temporary residence; temporary job; temporary relationships until they have saved enough money to start their lives elsewhere. And with this mindset coupled with every humans' need to interact with other humans and form attachments, men need "temporary girlfriends." And one of the nationalities best chosen for this is Filipinas! Because filipinas are mostly good-natured, caring, kind of liberated, flexible emotionally, can be submissive, and we do not ask permission from our parents to make our own decisions. Qualities that make us an object of convenience. Sadly, many of us are gullible and naive and even more of those of us who are willing to forgo our own virtues and principles in the name of love (that misbegotten word) or money and comfort. As I think of my "experience" and what I have seen from other pinays here, I couldn't help but think of men here (middle eastern mostly) would they treat women from their own culture they way they treat filipinas? Because I think that they want filipina girlfriends, but when they reach the maturity for them to finally marry, they marry girls from their own culture. Even without romantic feelings. Just pure dictates of their culture. It's a sad affair.

Some well-meaning acquaintances would suggest to give filipino males a chance. To be clear, I never closed my heart on filipino men. I am open to any nationality so long as our values, priorities, minds and hearts align. However, many filipino guys here also are inexcusable. Many of them have families of their own in the Philippines, they convert to Islam here so they could marry another. It would have been ok for the right reasons, but they usually do it without thinking of ramifications. Their excuse: "I want to be happy." And many also want health care workers because HCW have better salary. One guy before wanted to date me, he asked me how much my monthly salary was. I told him it was enough, I am also supporting my parents financially since they both are seniors. Then he said, "but when you are married, your priorities is supposed to be your own family, right?" Damn, we haven't even started dating yet, but he was already initiating control? I mean, why can't they strive harder, finish university and get better jobs so they have better salaries too? "But why work hard when they can just marry a nurse and live comfortably, right?" said one middle aged woman to me before.

So, pray tell me, which direction should I go? I know I sound negative, but no. I am being realistic. I still believe that there's someone out there. Should I take another chance here? Be content with being seen as the temporary girlfriend, or hope and keep wasting my time?

Are often so off-putting ,scruffy beards are so common. I like beards but neat and clean not looking like a deserted birds nest . Guys posing in the shower sends the wrong message as does the picture of men lying in bed .Well you know what that message is don't think I need to voice it. If men can't make the effort to look presentable I know they will be exasperating untidy types who open cupboard doors empty drawer contents onto floor because they can't find anyrhing in their mess. They likely throw their clothes on the floor then pick them up wear them again for weeks by the looks of some guys, they may even sleep in them . Work clothes are acceptable of course not talking about that it's the guys slouched on couch who had sudden impulse to join a site and are so out of touch they have no clue how sloppy they look. Perhaps there's equally sloppy women it's quite the norm miwadays in certain sections to look like a slob . Older men in hoodie!s!! Don't get me started .....dress like an adult but then .....you obviously don't give a fiddlers

A married man finds birth control pills in his wife's drawer...
However, he had a vasectomy a few years before they were married.

Is that a reason to be suspicious?

it's been a while, any takers ?

I think my preferences have changed , anyone here from Asia?

Listening to Jordan Peterson, with our modern dating world....where long term relationships are becoming a thing of the past, Peterson theorizes that only a small portion of men will get all of the women. To find out more about this, first think about it...and then...I encourage you to listen to him.

Here is an example of his theory in practice.

I was just listening to Lauren Chen. She had a blog about "West Elm Caleb"....a guy who has dated many many women and who have ghosted them. Chen goes on to show women who have been ghosted by him being upset. However, she points out in her opinion, this is a result of feminism. Lauren Chen claims that this is exactly what women have asked for. Towards the end of her blog...she states that feminism is not....men should do exactly what women say. She says that before feminism, men had a deeper respect for women....now....it is a bit different.

What should men do now?

What should women do now?


Peterson says that female desired men are becoming more callous. He goes on for saying...I don't blame them. (remember people form their self image and moral compass by feedback received). He alluded that, why should these men settle for just one woman, when they can have all of them. (This was my interpretation of his message).

For women, perhaps be more careful with who you pick for a partner, or as Chen suggested....state up front that you are looking for an exclusive relationship...and not sleep with him so soon.





Before we start picking on men....I suspect that same is true towards women as well....the beautiful women can have most of the men. However, I think men will settle for less than beautiful when it comes to a mate. But are women more superficial than men in this new dating world?

something to think about I suppose

I was told, that if I go to a pay dating portal, the men (in my case) are really serious, so not like here, where only a small percent are looking for a partner
I was also told on the pay-portal there are no scammer. I registered with one.
NOW LISTEN TO THIS !
I hope I can give the name of the portal (to shame). It is 121Seniordating and works from GB.
As I started by put in my data, just finished and per mail was already getting chat requests from men near me. Within 5 minutes I had over 10 (in my area that is a lot). So I thought I will try it and see what it has to offer.
This is how this portal (OK, I am not going to swear)* works. They send a short note for every guy near the new victim (me in this case).
So I became a member with a short months payment. Answered each of these guys -
AND DID NOT GET ONE ANSWER back from them. Now I know why. The whole portal is a trick, the chat notes from each guy was not sent by them, but from the (smart) owner of this portal. Then they use MY answer as if I wrote to each of these guys and hope they would put in a payment to contact me. I know that now because on this portal no one is online for more then a few minutes as there is nothing to read.
I goes further. I looked to see who has paid, a few had (new ones like me) so decided to ask there experience and can confirm they were tricked too.
Anyway I was writing to a few new ones and asked for an email as writing here was awkward as you had to wait for an email for each answer.
The owner, workers of this portal READ whatever you write AND change whatever they want to so that you do not get the correct mail. The same happened with trying to get their mobile number.
There was a survey asking how many dates you have had, 85% ticked NON! How can you meet if any information you gave was changed! I never went that far.
By the way I saw several scammers on these pages too, bet they were disappointed .

When filling in the CS profile, we choose "occupation" from a list. In my case, as a member of Danish Writers Association, I picked Writer / Journalist. I have written books and articles. I have even made more than two blogs here on ConnectingSingles. ;-)

To many a potential partners occupation is essencial, more important than the size of income. I think it’s all about status: we like to date a person with a honorable job. An important person, so to speak.

So, I got in contact with a woman in Eastern Europe. We were looking forward to meet - but then I wrote something, she did not like. I told her, that I currently work as a chauffeur. She got upset, accused me for lying about my profession. She certainly did not dream of dating a simple driver!

Well, my job as a chauffeur is only temporary. In Denmark there is only two procent unemployment, and there is a huge need for labour with legal drivers license. Just to help a local catering company and collect extra money for my next travel, I picked this job, bringing out hot and healthy meals to old citizens in the countryside.

I am paid 17 € per hour, I informed her and continued: One day you’ll be old and hungry too. Do you think, you will then still give a f*ckfinger to the chauffeur?

She appologized, but I was no longer interested. Dinner is cancelled. I’ll keep my temporary job for another month or two - and then travel to meet a cute and hardworking shop owner in Thailand. She is okay with me just temporary being a honorable chauffeur - in fact, I am just a simple writer. :-)