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Hi friends. Imagine the situation. You have a past that has been your greatest love. But it hurt your heart. It's been a while. And your past becomes a flipped page of your life book for you. Although you still have some feelings. But you decide for yourself that life is a cool thing, and it's time to try writing a new page about love. More interesting and brighter. Based on past experience. OK. You start moving in that direction. You spread your wings to fly to the meeting again with new feelings and meetings. And here, when you are ready to break away from the earth, your past knocks on your door. He is not just knocking but trying to break into your life like a mad tornado. Your heart is pounding like a bell in the Kiev Pechersk Lavra. And wants to embrace the past. And the brain boils with anger and shouts that it's time to run away. What will you do? Do you close the door and build barricades? Will you start all over again with a new chance for old stories?

I mean....some women didn't know how good they had it.

and...

some men didn't know how bad they had it.





Just some thoughts...

you know

Happy Tuesday all

Do you feel guilty for being in and out of relationships when you have a very close and dear friend who cannot get in one?

Can't sleep, already day. thoughts drifting like clouds over the sky.

It was doomsday to see the city sink below the horizon. For years, I was asking - when we would return home. All my things were left behind. It took years before they finally were shipped. I have never been back. Pretty certain it would be too emotional, most likely a traumatic, depressive, lonely experience. Being crushed and totally lost. It would be like Auschwitz. Had to part with a girl I loved at a train station, and for me - for what ever odd reason, it kinda reminded me of a train-ride to Auschwitz. I have never been there, but - I did travel through Germany some years later, and there were something depressing familiar, here and there. That crushing feeling of being totally lost, without hope, somehow knowing you were headed for hell. Have no idea why I write this now, an it certainly doesn't seem fit for posting. Did experience a few strange episodes. Near Lyon, there was the most beautiful girl you could dream of. We enjoyed hours in conversation. I could not speak french, and she did not speak English, - but we kind of did anyway in our heads, very aware of each other. We were like in another dimension, a place beyond time and space. Sure, it may all have been my imagination - but then again, subtle strange synchronicity took place. I had to clear my head, stretch my legs and left the coupe. And she followed me. We would stand beside each other, hands almost touching, absorbed in this mysterious dialog. God she was beautiful. She was Jewish. I have no idea why I knew, but somehow I just did. I did study her blouse as if it could tell me something. Very neat, a light blue color with some brodery of some sort. Very out of fashion, looked like sown by hand. I searched for clues - wondering. "Because I am", she smiled at me. I nearly jumped because her voice was so loud, but her lips didn't part. I realized I had heard her voice within my head. I cannot recall the train station were we parted. I saw a family there waiting for her. Perhaps uncle and aunt and cousins ? I stood 30 yards away, I reckon. Was terrible sad seeing her start to move away. Then to my huge surprise, she turned and came running toward me. I didn't know what was going on, but she came closer and in the end I just had to catch her or I would fear she would have run me down. She buried her head against my neck. She was strong and was clinging to me, would not let go- And I could see the family standing there with the suitcase, somewhat embarrassed. The man tried to study his shoes. Their clothes were a bit unusual, as well. The girl gave some sobbing sound. Myself, I was petrified. In fact, I didn't travel alone - but was perplexed of what they saw. I could never explain anything to them. As she finally left with her folks, there again I kinda saw this kind of overlay visions of Auschwitz, I heard the trains and turned around, but the station was empty. Not a train in sight.

Days later I was woken up and had to come out of the tent. A walter pressed to my forehead, flashlight in my face, and a dog inches away from my groin. Parts of a uniform, but else I was blinded. One of my buddies had tried to wake me, had said something about a passport which I handed him. It was my different passport that somehow had caused the commotion. "American ?" - yes.
Again the sound of trains, of shouting voices, moving shadows of people, sinking feeling of Auschwitz. Yet, there were no trains at the beach.

continued --

when my wife went off the rails on drugs 20y ago .she did not want me and the 10y old girl ..we bring into this world ..funny thing what I missed big time is .getting up sunday morning and going to the park .etc something small but it was big to me ..so it the simple things in live that matters .but we don't know it .. TERENCE

Happy New year to all my CS users. Hopefully, I'll find my life partner in 2020 on CS.

Looking for some one with certainty who knows what she wants.:thumbsup

BE YOURSELF!

Can't stress it enough, its much better when people like who for who you really are than for people to like you for what you pretend to be. If your freaky, be freaky, if your a straight arrow, be a straight arrow.

Don't try to put yourself off as something your not just to appease others, its fake and ultimately will leave you more miserable than before. Be the freak you really are, the right people will like you and that is what you need.

...of course, some do so because of their orientation. But I wonder how many of us here on CS who are straight do so with any regularity. Now and again, I'll get a man in the roster of females, and more rarely, I'll get a note from a man. But I probably have not seen more than a dozen profiles of men. I wonder if it might be worthwhile as a learning experience, to look at more male profiles, although I wonder what could be learned thus. One thing I would like to know is if there is a large difference between the sexes in the focus on honesty, and having a job or other independent means of self support. I see it all the time in ladies profiles. How much they hate lairs, and how they don't want to support a man financially. And less often, the women with kids at home make a point of saying that potential matches must accept the kids. And that only marriage is an option in a relationship. Important points in searching for a committed partner. But there probably are differences between the sexes.